You Bastard!

u deserve better… To the guy in High School who I thought would be my husband, I deserved better. To the guy who I should of never got back with after he cheated, I deserved better. To the guy who was verbally abusive, I deserved better. To the 20+ people who watched as my ex yelled in my face and NO ONE moved to help me as tears rolled down my face, I deserved better. To the girl who tricked me into going with her to the bathroom with her because she was “scared to go alone” only to lead me to my ex who scared me with verbal and physical abuse I would receive that night, I deserved better. To the guy who wrote me love letters everyday only to find out you did the same to another girl at our school, I deserved better To the guy who tried to stop me from going out of state for...
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When I was a little girl, I was so trusting. I didn't think anyone would hurt me because why would anyone want to hurt me? I was so sweet, and cute, to hurt. I guess my sweetness, and cuteness is what made your crime so easy. I was so young, and you were a grown man. You were so inviting with your charm, with the way you listened to me, and how you made me believe you cared about me. I was so young, and naive. I told you I loved you because you understood me on a level no one else could. You understand my darkest moments, and I made me believe that there is so much light I haven't seen. I told you I loved you because you were like an older brother. That wasn't good enough. You wanted more. You wanted more of my love. How could I give you love, when I was too young to understand the...
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You weren't like any other men.. at least I thought. You were different as in simple and hardheaded. Your voice was deep and beautiful, but very monotone. A week before you made it official, you asked me a serious question, "Are you sure you want to date a guy like me?" and I thought DUH. You asked me out and 6 months' pass by. You didn't give a shit about how I felt, you were verbally abusing me, you were careless, and not around. But you were only there for the intimacy. I was stupid..ridiculously stupid to not have opened my eyes earlier on. It took three years to realize I wasted my time with you. But I don't regret it because in those three years I learned a lot. To never date an asshole like you.
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So it’s been a bit over 3 years and it still feels like it happened yesterday. You shoving me into that room and throwing me on the table when I kept saying no, it’s like you never heard me but you did I know you did because you acknowledged me with saying “don’t worry”. Yet your “don’t worry” should have been my wake up call yet it wasn’t. You just continued doing your thing until I was finally able to get out of it. The alcohol breath and the alcohol in your system still lingers in me. It’s like something that will never go away. We were in a hotel I was numb and I had to pretend everything was okay. But nothing was okay. 3 weeks later you decided u obviously haven’t done enough damage that you threatened me to put my nudes on the internet if I didn’t come to my alley. So my innocent...
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I saw a guy who reminded me of you today. And I have to admit... I didn't like it one bit. I didn't like the way it made me feel like I was 2 feet tall. I didn't like that familiar feeling of fear rising up in my gut. I didn't like the way it put me on edge for the rest of my day. Tensing with each move he made. Flinching every time he raised his voice. But the worst feeling? The worst feeling was watching that look on his wife's face. Those emotions I used to know all to well. Watching her swallow her own pride just so he wouldn't yell anymore. Watching the way she crumbled when he threw his phone and break it on the floor. Seeing someone else feel that helpless like I once did. That unspoken bond of knowing how eachother feels. That unspoken fear. I didn't realize how damaged I...
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I want both of you to know that I am not writing this letter for you but for myself and my emotional and physical wellbeing. I am not concerned about how this letter will make you feel or what repercussions it may bring you or our family dynamic as it wasn’t of any concern for the two of you while the abuse was taking place. I have lived with the burden of being a product of this families abuse for way too long and it’s not my burden to carry its yours. I told you that I was not ready to talk to anyone and the two of you chose to attempt to use religion to minimize the abuse and manipulate your children to forgiveness. I am not in the slightest bit surprised after all it has been the overall narrative that the two of you choose to spew to your children. All I see is fear, guilt and shame...
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I know he said he loves you and promised you the world, promised you all of the hopes and dreams him and I once shared. He swiftly moved you into the home we created as a union and into the bed we were trying to start a family in. It used to make me fierce how quickly I was replaced, how he had been seeing you all along. I used to shut myself inside, crying all day, and stay up thinking all night. I used to not be able to look in the mirror unless I was looking for my flaws, wondering what was so wrong with me that he’d break our vows for an other woman. I was a disaster in a whirlwind of emotions not even I could understand. You both made me feel a way I never thought possible. But you both also made me stronger. I used to be upset about my Ex-husband leaving me for you. But it does not...
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To My Rapist, It has been exactly 618 days. 618 days of feeling worthless. 618 days of feeling guilty. 618 days of feeling like I’m not, nor will I ever be enough. 618 nights where I wake up in complete panic from the nightmares you left behind. Two years worth of therapy where I still have yet to be able to tell my story, to anyone. 618 days of lying to my parents, and to my friends. It has been 618 days since you managed to ruin my life. You know what sucks? Even at eighteen, before you had gotten your hands on me, I had already been through hell and back. I was molested as a child by my father until I was in my teens, and you know what? I had healed tremendously from that until you ruined everything. You made me take about a million steps backward in my recovery. You caused my...
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Dear UK Visas and Immigration, Firstly, let me make it clear at the outset that I greatly value the hard, honest, and diligent work that you do. Truly, you make the nation proud by making it unbearably difficult for highly-skilled non-EU workers to come and positively contribute to our society, crushing their morale and reducing them and their families to tears in the process. Good job! Also, please forgive my not writing this email directly to your Contact Centre - I decided to economise the £5.48 it would have cost to do that. Cutting costs -- I'm sure you'll approve of that. But don't worry, I'll be sure to donate that money to a worthy cause. Maybe to your Christmas Party Mulled wine fund? Or to the Conservative Party? So anyway, I'm writing about a friend of mine, Dr. Thi...
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Dear Father, I am a female, a female that has been taught by a sexist male that she is dumb because he said so, he said that women are stupid, they don’t think the same way as men do and that means that they think wrong. He told me that I couldn’t go out places because something could always happen to me, a female, a female whom is defenseless in his eyes because he raised me and saw me turn into a woman, but can’t accept the fact that I have to fly soon, but if I don’t even open my wings, I am going to have a more difficult time. So I ask him why it is that my brother can go out places but I can not, why is it that when I want to do a sport I can’t because he chose to close all gates and opportunities. I then mentioned college to him and how perhaps I may want to leave California so...
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