Hi mom, how are you? How is life treating you? I'm doing just fine, you would know that if you bothered to call every once in awhile. But I get it, you are busy raising 2 other kids and your friends' kids. I love how you could be a mother to everyone except me. You missed my first words, first steps, even kindergarten graduation. You missed my first school dance, My first heartbreak, my first car. I'm in college now. And for some reason, while I was doing schoolwork, you popped into my head. I wish I could make you feel how you made me feel. Unwanted, left in the cold, unloved. I could not string enough words together in a sentence for you to understand my hatred for you. I don't understand how someone who calls themselves a mother could abandon her first born but be present for the rest of her children. What was it about me that you couldn't love? Was it because of who my father was? Was it because we look alike and that reminds you of who you are? Am I a mirror to you? Do you hate what you see in me, reflecting your insecurities on me as a baby? I don't deserve you, I deserve better. I deserve better so I will be better. I will have an amazing life and a family of my own. Do not think you will be invited to be apart of my family when I decide to get married and have kids. They will not know you. Because of your absence and your desire to take care of everyone except for me, I hope you cry. I want to to cry and cry and cry. I want you to look in the mirror and be disgusted with yourself. I want you to look in the mirror and see me, just like when I used to look in the mirror and only see you.
But on the other hand, I talked to my sister recently. She says that you are not a good mother. You are cruel and unkind to her. She went into details, but i'm not that petty (yet). So I guess it was good that you decided to leave me alone. Maybe you saw you were unfit. But why have more kids? That question's answer you will probably take to your grave, which I can only hope is soon. My sisters will be better off without you. Maybe there is an afterlife, and you can look over me and see that I'm not that bad. I'm smart, I make A's and B's, I have a big heart for people and animals in need, I have a few close friends whom I trust with my life, I'm set up to head out into the world on my own. The most hurtful is I did it all by myself, and you weren't here to cheer me on, or tell me I did a good job. You want to believe I'm a bad kid so bad so you can justify your actions. I'm not a bad kid, and I never was. You were just an unfit parent, and always will be.
I hate you mom,
Your Disappointed Daughter