Broken Hearts

I'll never be able to tell you this so I thought I'd let the world read it instead. I've loved you for 3 years now, since the second I laid eyes on you. I don't know if you know this but I saw you at a concert before we even became friends and I knew it from right then and there. We became friends 3 years ago, and lets just say, you rocked my world. With you, I never knew where our friendship stood but I never wanted just a friendship with you. I don't know what you ever wanted for me but all I know is, the timing was never right. Honestly, I don't know if we were right for each other at the time. 3 years ago I was immature, unsure, insecure and above all else, scared of how strongly I felt for you. You were strong, beautiful, compassionate, detached at times, cold at times but so warm...
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I felt it as I grew up. I felt I was different. When I would spend my days with my grandmother and grandfather. When you gave up on my Dad and ran with another man. I was angry. I was angry that you gave up on me and my Dad. I was angry that you favored my younger siblings. I knew I was different than them. You made it clear. You favored them. Everything they did was like gold. They walked on water. I knew I was the result of an affair that you had with another woman’s husband. I knew you didn’t want me. But you had me anyway. My grandmother took over from there. She raised me. And for her, I am externally grateful. I separated myself from you as the years went by. Why? Because you made it apparently clear that another man to run with was more important than your children. As we...
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You’re not supposed to fall in love with your friends. If I had a child, that would be the first piece of advice I would give them when they got to dating age. Make any and every mistake possible: break some hearts and have your heart broken a few times, date someone totally wrong for you and let that seemingly perfect person go, feel bad about all that, learn from it and become a fully rounded person. But never, EVER, fall for one of your friends. If only it were that simple… Of course, that isn’t how it works. Falling in love is such a strange, unquantifiable event and it simply isn’t in our control. If it was, I would never have fallen for you. I wouldn’t have had to keep hanging out with you, all the while having to stop myself telling you how I felt. I wouldn’t have let our...
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Letter to the child I never had I don't think I've ever run as fast in heels as the day when I found out you were inside of me. The first test read positive but the control line hadnt turned blue yet, so that meant the test was faulty right? No. The test wasn't faulty, and neither was the next one I did in my friend's toilet 30 minutes later. I was pregnant. I didn't know how I felt at first, I kept turning the test over thinking it would say something different. That this was all some big joke somehow. But it wasn't. I could have looked after you better when you were inside me, you really didn't like alcohol and let me know it every morning after I'd been drinking. I'm sorry for that. But drinking let me forget what I knew I would have to do. Your dad was good for me, he helped...
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That night as I watched you sleep I knew you were going to be okay. I payed down beside you to get some rest for you to wake me up 30 minutes later shaking uncontrollably. As I tried to get you to go to the ER and tried to get you up my thoughts raced thinking I would lose you, but how could God let that happen? I knew as I sat there holding your hand praying to God that you were going to be okay. Until, you weren’t. When I did CPR and felt your pulse come back I thanked God in a split second until the ambulance finally arrived. I still sat there on the couch praying to God begging him to keep you here telling him it wasn’t your time. It couldn’t be. We were supposed to be together forever. Driving to the hospital after the ambulance left I sat there crying out to God praying that he...
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I don’t really know where to start this off. There are so many thoughts in my head and so many things I want to say, it’s impossible for me to find a starting point, which is I guess why I am here. So I’ll start off with the biggest yet simplest thing I can. I am still in love with you. I’ve tried to talk myself out of it, I’ve tried to get over it, but I can’t. When you’ve had something as good as I had, you can’t just get over it. My mind constantly goes to you. And the fact that when we broke up it wasn’t due to anything either of us did, or a lack of feeling, but simply due to the circumstances just cuts deeper. This isn’t me trying to “win you back”, or make you feel bad for what happened. This is simply me needing to say how I feel. Needing to let you know. I know why we broke up. I...
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Why? Just simply why? Did it not mean anything to you? Did you not feel anything? Am I not pretty enough? But most importantly why did it have to be me? That night we both knew how right we were for each other but it’s pointless if the universe doesn’t support it. A playboy like you would never understand what it’s like to be hurt and heartbroken. Although you left me cold and blue I pray for you because my love for you is so genuine and pure and I truly want nothing but the best for you. Even if it is her... We’re so young and there’s so much in store for us and you for one can vouch for that. Now I realise as to why adults say ”don’t fall in love when you’re young” because sometimes it breaks you to the point where you have no more hope for love. I have so many things that I want...
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Can I be real a second? I know that you think that your hands are clean. It was two years ago...we stayed together, had a second child. The public front we put on gives most people the impression that we’ve moved on from the “incident” and come out stronger on the other side. But there’s a lot going on behind closed doors that most people will never see. I can be having a perfectly lovely day and I’ll hear a song from that time period and be brought back to the day that I found out. I can be settling in with my husband to watch a movie after the kids have gone to bed and be sent into a spiral. I’ll bet you never even really thought about that fact that infidelity is a common theme in many movies. It is quite often presented from the side of the two illicit lovers who have such a passion...
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So here it goes. This will be THE MOST difficult letter I have ever written. I’ve finally found to courage to share this...even though my hands are shaking as I type... In honor of October being Domestic Violence Month, I’ve decided to tell my story because it’s time for me to break the silence. Writing has helped me in my healing process and I know someone out there needs to know they are not alone. For 15+ years, I kept a BIG secret out of fear and shame. I was abused. Physically, emotionally, and verbally by a person who seems like such a great guy, a great dad, with a great family. Over those years, I’ve been beat down by words, belittled, violated, controlled, humiliated for his amusement, hit countless times, choked, punched, kicked to the ground to the point I...
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Dear psychotic ex - boyfriend ; It’s crazy really how things ended the way they did but what was more crazy was our relationship. I mean, yeah at first things seemed so great but in a short time, what did I ever REALLY do to make you decide to hurt me? Why did you ever think it was okay to put your hands on me? Why did you blame me? ‘You are an Army Veteran — you’d never harm me’ I told myself. You cared a lot for me. At least that is what I thought when you were brainwashing me. You cared about how I dressed, that’s why you always chose what I wore. I never wore makeup because if I wore any, “I was trying to impress someone else.” You cared about how much money I made because you wanted me to be financially stable enough to eventually have to support the both of us. You chose...
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