Broken Hearts

So here it goes. This will be THE MOST difficult letter I have ever written. I’ve finally found to courage to share this...even though my hands are shaking as I type... In honor of October being Domestic Violence Month, I’ve decided to tell my story because it’s time for me to break the silence. Writing has helped me in my healing process and I know someone out there needs to know they are not alone. For 15+ years, I kept a BIG secret out of fear and shame. I was abused. Physically, emotionally, and verbally by a person who seems like such a great guy, a great dad, with a great family. Over those years, I’ve been beat down by words, belittled, violated, controlled, humiliated for his amusement, hit countless times, choked, punched, kicked to the ground to the point I...
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Dear psychotic ex - boyfriend ; It’s crazy really how things ended the way they did but what was more crazy was our relationship. I mean, yeah at first things seemed so great but in a short time, what did I ever REALLY do to make you decide to hurt me? Why did you ever think it was okay to put your hands on me? Why did you blame me? ‘You are an Army Veteran — you’d never harm me’ I told myself. You cared a lot for me. At least that is what I thought when you were brainwashing me. You cared about how I dressed, that’s why you always chose what I wore. I never wore makeup because if I wore any, “I was trying to impress someone else.” You cared about how much money I made because you wanted me to be financially stable enough to eventually have to support the both of us. You chose...
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I really did love you. I loved you with a love that consumed me. It started out toxic and it still ended toxic. But I ignored the red flags because you were my first love and I wanted every moment I could get with you. I gave up everything I believed in for us to workout. And that was my biggest mistake. I just want you to know that although I wasn't good enough for you, and she was at the time, that I don't blame you for anything. We both had our faults. We both over reacted about things, both got too angry at times. The difference though, is that even through all the bull shit and hardships we were facing, I still loved you and wanted to pull through. I'm sorry that you saw something also that caught your attention and that you forgot I still existed that day. I'm sorry that I was so...
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I could've never possibly prepared myself for the life-long horrors and pains that you would inflict on me. All from a decision another man thought was his. There are two types of men in this world you just happen to categorize yourself with the 'wolves'. Taking what you what, when you want, and how you want. I wasn't your first victim was I? No, I knew that answer because I could tell you had experience. You knew exactly what you were doing, and how to do it. Many people like to see this one thing as a tragic event but, they never see the aftermath of what it's like living with it. Unless they've been through it. We all have the same question though. Did you get the satisfaction. Did you get the same experience we did? Can you still feel the way you put your body on top of me...
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I've loved you since the first time I watched the flame of a citronella candle dance in your eyes, 15 or so years ago. I loved you when we were supposed to just be creeping and keeping it quiet. I loved you whenever I was trying to move on with someone else. I have always loved you. The truth is, I was terrified of what I was feeling. I had never been with someone who made me feel safe, secure, and beautiful, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. Like a fool, I ran from it every chance I got, because despite the fact that you treated me like a queen, I was terrified that you would reject me and I would lose you forever. That night that I told you I was going to cut our aimless drive short because I had met someone new and he wanted to see me is a night I will regret for the rest...
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Everything which I created and shaped for both of us, got overshadowed by your fury of abuse and wrath of your malign pity manipulative tactics through, which you have indeed sabotaged and destroyed my life, career, emotions and everything which I loved. How does it feel when you throw someone out of your life like a garbage, even after knowing this very fact that I loved you very much and was planning a great deal of future with you and had many dreams for both of us. I believed and trusted you with all my heart but you have just used my trust and betrayed me for getting what material gains you could grab. You tried to use me like an object and see me as mere commodity and opportunity only to fulfill your needs and comfort but dear, you are just an empty vessel with the hole at the...
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To My Victim Advocate, The day you were assigned to me I was nervous. I was living in a state of fear and unsure about everything. You stood by my side for almost a year until my case was over. During that time we developed a strong connection. I trusted you and felt safe knowing I had someone I could count on when my family wasn't able to be present. After my case was over I relocated and moved on. Later I discovered you developed feelings when you reached out and remained in contact with me. Then I began to view you differently. I looked at you as my hero and forever bodyguard due to a part of my life you were involved in. The day you told me, "come here, we'll figure it out together", was like a wish come true. I fell hard for you. We dated and were crazy about each other, we...
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Hello, your Vets representative is LisaS1 Sometimes technical issues cause a chat to end unexpectedly. If this happens please come back to chat again or call us at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and press 1. Welcome to Veterans and Military Chat, LisaS1 will be right with you. LisaS1 Welcome to the Veterans and Military Crisis Line Chat service. My name is Lisa, how may I help you? willie I served this country a total of 21 years just to be told my ptsd is not service related and my back issue is not service related when it is clearly in my medical files LisaS1 Thank you for service and sacrifice Willie LisaS1 I can understand how that would be aggravating and infuriating, as well as confusing willie thank you for your support I 'm 100 presents disable unable to work now because my...
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Dear Reader, I just want some peace knowing that the truth is out there. How sometimes no matter how hard you try doesn’t guarantee it’ll matter. And how damaging it is when people that should care about you don’t. My beautiful daughter is disabled with a very rare and dangerous form of epilepsy and I have about the worst stage of CVID along with MS, Graves’ disease, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, migraines, etc. etc. It’s still hard for me to believe all of it. Infusions of antibodies keep me alive. My husband works his you know what off to bring in money, but One round of my infusions cost as much if not more than a really good used car. I have to do this twice a month. This does not cover any of my other meds or my daughters. Nor does it cover food shelter utilities etc....
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I just want some peace knowing that the truth is out there. How sometimes no matter how hard you try doesn’t guarantee it’ll matter. And how damaging it is when people that should care about you don’t. My beautiful daughter is disabled with a very rare and dangerous form of epilepsy and I have about the worst stage of CVID along with MS, Graves’ disease, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, migraines, etc. etc. It’s still hard for me to believe all of it. Infusions of antibodies keep me alive. My husband works his you know what off to bring in money, but One round of my infusions cost as much if not more than a really good used car. I have to do this twice a month. This does not cover any of my other meds or my daughters. Nor does it cover food shelter utilities etc. As I’m sure you...
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