Broken Hearts

That night as I watched you sleep I knew you were going to be okay. I payed down beside you to get some rest for you to wake me up 30 minutes later shaking uncontrollably. As I tried to get you to go to the ER and tried to get you up my thoughts raced thinking I would lose you, but how could God let that happen? I knew as I sat there holding your hand praying to God that you were going to be okay. Until, you weren’t. When I did CPR and felt your pulse come back I thanked God in a split second until the ambulance finally arrived. I still sat there on the couch praying to God begging him to keep you here telling him it wasn’t your time. It couldn’t be. We were supposed to be together forever. Driving to the hospital after the ambulance left I sat there crying out to God praying that he...
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I don’t really know where to start this off. There are so many thoughts in my head and so many things I want to say, it’s impossible for me to find a starting point, which is I guess why I am here. So I’ll start off with the biggest yet simplest thing I can. I am still in love with you. I’ve tried to talk myself out of it, I’ve tried to get over it, but I can’t. When you’ve had something as good as I had, you can’t just get over it. My mind constantly goes to you. And the fact that when we broke up it wasn’t due to anything either of us did, or a lack of feeling, but simply due to the circumstances just cuts deeper. This isn’t me trying to “win you back”, or make you feel bad for what happened. This is simply me needing to say how I feel. Needing to let you know. I know why we broke up. I...
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Why? Just simply why? Did it not mean anything to you? Did you not feel anything? Am I not pretty enough? But most importantly why did it have to be me? That night we both knew how right we were for each other but it’s pointless if the universe doesn’t support it. A playboy like you would never understand what it’s like to be hurt and heartbroken. Although you left me cold and blue I pray for you because my love for you is so genuine and pure and I truly want nothing but the best for you. Even if it is her... We’re so young and there’s so much in store for us and you for one can vouch for that. Now I realise as to why adults say ”don’t fall in love when you’re young” because sometimes it breaks you to the point where you have no more hope for love. I have so many things that I want...
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Can I be real a second? I know that you think that your hands are clean. It was two years ago...we stayed together, had a second child. The public front we put on gives most people the impression that we’ve moved on from the “incident” and come out stronger on the other side. But there’s a lot going on behind closed doors that most people will never see. I can be having a perfectly lovely day and I’ll hear a song from that time period and be brought back to the day that I found out. I can be settling in with my husband to watch a movie after the kids have gone to bed and be sent into a spiral. I’ll bet you never even really thought about that fact that infidelity is a common theme in many movies. It is quite often presented from the side of the two illicit lovers who have such a passion...
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So here it goes. This will be THE MOST difficult letter I have ever written. I’ve finally found to courage to share this...even though my hands are shaking as I type... In honor of October being Domestic Violence Month, I’ve decided to tell my story because it’s time for me to break the silence. Writing has helped me in my healing process and I know someone out there needs to know they are not alone. For 15+ years, I kept a BIG secret out of fear and shame. I was abused. Physically, emotionally, and verbally by a person who seems like such a great guy, a great dad, with a great family. Over those years, I’ve been beat down by words, belittled, violated, controlled, humiliated for his amusement, hit countless times, choked, punched, kicked to the ground to the point I...
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Dear psychotic ex - boyfriend ; It’s crazy really how things ended the way they did but what was more crazy was our relationship. I mean, yeah at first things seemed so great but in a short time, what did I ever REALLY do to make you decide to hurt me? Why did you ever think it was okay to put your hands on me? Why did you blame me? ‘You are an Army Veteran — you’d never harm me’ I told myself. You cared a lot for me. At least that is what I thought when you were brainwashing me. You cared about how I dressed, that’s why you always chose what I wore. I never wore makeup because if I wore any, “I was trying to impress someone else.” You cared about how much money I made because you wanted me to be financially stable enough to eventually have to support the both of us. You chose...
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I really did love you. I loved you with a love that consumed me. It started out toxic and it still ended toxic. But I ignored the red flags because you were my first love and I wanted every moment I could get with you. I gave up everything I believed in for us to workout. And that was my biggest mistake. I just want you to know that although I wasn't good enough for you, and she was at the time, that I don't blame you for anything. We both had our faults. We both over reacted about things, both got too angry at times. The difference though, is that even through all the bull shit and hardships we were facing, I still loved you and wanted to pull through. I'm sorry that you saw something also that caught your attention and that you forgot I still existed that day. I'm sorry that I was so...
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I could've never possibly prepared myself for the life-long horrors and pains that you would inflict on me. All from a decision another man thought was his. There are two types of men in this world you just happen to categorize yourself with the 'wolves'. Taking what you what, when you want, and how you want. I wasn't your first victim was I? No, I knew that answer because I could tell you had experience. You knew exactly what you were doing, and how to do it. Many people like to see this one thing as a tragic event but, they never see the aftermath of what it's like living with it. Unless they've been through it. We all have the same question though. Did you get the satisfaction. Did you get the same experience we did? Can you still feel the way you put your body on top of me...
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I've loved you since the first time I watched the flame of a citronella candle dance in your eyes, 15 or so years ago. I loved you when we were supposed to just be creeping and keeping it quiet. I loved you whenever I was trying to move on with someone else. I have always loved you. The truth is, I was terrified of what I was feeling. I had never been with someone who made me feel safe, secure, and beautiful, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. Like a fool, I ran from it every chance I got, because despite the fact that you treated me like a queen, I was terrified that you would reject me and I would lose you forever. That night that I told you I was going to cut our aimless drive short because I had met someone new and he wanted to see me is a night I will regret for the rest...
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Everything which I created and shaped for both of us, got overshadowed by your fury of abuse and wrath of your malign pity manipulative tactics through, which you have indeed sabotaged and destroyed my life, career, emotions and everything which I loved. How does it feel when you throw someone out of your life like a garbage, even after knowing this very fact that I loved you very much and was planning a great deal of future with you and had many dreams for both of us. I believed and trusted you with all my heart but you have just used my trust and betrayed me for getting what material gains you could grab. You tried to use me like an object and see me as mere commodity and opportunity only to fulfill your needs and comfort but dear, you are just an empty vessel with the hole at the...
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