"You know I didn't take advantage of you right?"
Those were the words that came out of your mouth when I woke up.
Do you think you did something wrong?
On second thought, don't answer that question.
We both know the answer.
So let me ask you,
Why did you take it that far?
When you saw me in my bed, almost unconscious, what exactly was your thought process?
You could always say you were trying to help me, that you just wanted to hold my hair back while I puked, but that's not all you did is it?
Did I say I wanted it? I honestly have no memory of saying that.
You saw an opportunity, when you saw me in bed, and you took advantage of it.
Do you feel like a man now?
Do you feel accomplished?
You shouldn't.
There are so many things I have wanted to say to you but I've been scared.
The thought of seeing your face makes me feel sick.
Fuck you for making me feel this way, for making me feel disgusted every time I look in the mirror, for making me feel the need to hide from you in this small town. Fuck you for the many nights I sat in the shower crying wishing it could wash it all away.
But what you did, taking advantage of someone who was drunk and covered in her own vomit, it will never go away. I wish you would just admit to what you did because not only have I dealt with shame from myself, I have also experienced from others whom I have tried to open up to. I have lost friends because they didn't believe you were capable of what you did.
So I hope for as long as you live you remember what you did. I hope you feel guilty and ashamed and that you spend the rest of your life trying to make up for it even though you can't. I hope every time you hear my name you feel sick with guilt because you destroyed me. I'm not me anymore. The person I was when that night began is not the person I was when the night came to an end. I hope you think about how you changed me like that for the rest of your life and I hope that thought makes you so miserable that you never do that to another person ever again. I can say this situation is that it has made me stronger, not because of you though but because of me. I taught myself to keep pushing forward even when I didn't want to. I forced myself to stop blaming myself. I am slowly fixing the damage you created.
Unfortunately, I will never forget what you did to me and how it made me feel. What you did will never go away and I hope you remember that.
Sincerely, the women you destroyed in one night
