I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't realize the power you held over me in that moment. You weren't even with me, but I felt your words resonate through my heart and mind. You made me laugh and smile even though I was clutching the scissors with harsh fingers.
No, you didn't stop me from jumping, not in this letter.
But you stopped me from going down that road.
This incident happened time and time again, most of the time you didn't realize what exactly you were doing. You weren't aware, but I didn't want you to be.
But you didn't need to know.
You changed my life without knowing it.
I laughed again.
You reminded me I'm not the vehemently disgusting creature my depression and anxiety telling me I was. You reminded me it's okay to eat. I need to eat. You reminded me it's okay to...
Friends
Lately all I've been doing is the mundane life. Work, Eat, Sleep, Drink with friends, kiss my lover, workout and yoga. It's almost half of 2017. I have to give myself a huge pat in the back. Would I say I am comfortable back in Vancouver?, honestly, No. Apart of me still wants to continue on the journey. Quite a journey I did endure. Now it's almost a year in half I had a visit or recall my venture on the Emerald Isle. It was not the easiest transition on my very first month living in Ireland. I lost a dear friend of mine and I blame myself for the longest time. His timely death devastated me then 2 more deaths came along that trully hits home for me and on my second year in Ireland. The second day of the year another bad news reached me a very good friend of mine almost a brother to me...
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I remember loving you as family. Every goal, dream, every future thought had you in it. Whether we were sharing an apartment like we did then, or 800 miles away like we are now. You were my best friend, at that age above any other person in my life. Ride or die, if that was a thing people said back then. I can’t put my finger on the moment that started falling apart. I don’t know whether that moment was lost along with some of the better memories I have of us or maybe it was just so subtle and spread out that a defining moment didn’t really exist.
I know that it wasn’t just space between us, it was anger. It was passive aggressive words and actions. It was hurting me and although I doubt I was blameless I didn’t understand why or what. I tried a few times to understand and you would...
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So many of you... so many gone
over the years ive had so many awesome people come into my life and each and every one of you ive pushed away for one reason or another... i need you all to kmow that im so sorry, for my loss and yours, you're all ongoing with your lives and i imagine youve tried to forget about me, but i havent forgotten any of you;
Sophie
Steph
Sarah
Ellie
Danny
Sean
Ryan
Greg
Katy
Jamie
Phillipa
Jay
Lyndsay
April
Stuart
Kate
Wes
Chloe
Ewan
Ethan
Wilson (you kinda deserved it...)
Tawnie
Carley
Jack
Sharon
Cameron
Kirsty...
God seeing it listed makes this all the more painful, all those brilliant people who at one point or other meant the world to me, now memories and nothing more...
I wonder if any of you ever think of me at all?...
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Dear World,
Please just let me grieve my diagnosis. I'm in shock while simultaneously being sad, angry, and frustrated. I'm feeling rather blue. I'm feeling rather pissed. I'm feeling a lot. And most of it is not very good. Because even though it was the diagnosis I was expecting, it doesn't change the fact that it sucks. And it doesn't change the fact that it's not fair.
Five days ago, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. One day ago, I found out that my triathlon days are numbered. In fact, this whole Ironman thing is probably a terrible idea. So you know what? I'm feeling rather down. And that's okay. I won't feel like this forever. I know that. And you know that. But right now, I do. Because right now, I'm grieving. Because right now, I've been knocked off kilter, and I'm...
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You.
You forced me to choose. Why is that? After everything I did...I helped you find a place to live. I let you drive my car. I loaned you money for rent and bills you "just couldn't pay" that month (yet you were able to buy yourself a new smartphone.)
I found love. I found someone who thought I was beautiful inside and out...I found someone who completed me. Yes, you were my best friend...and you had your flings, and I didn't judge...and you would leave me all the time for your one night stands...you would ditch me to be with whats-his-face...Sergio? I think that was his name. Didn't he have a girlfriend while he was with you? I'm getting off topic here.
When my boyfriend proposed to me, I told you about it. I was so excited for you to be part of this new chapter in my life....
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Here it goes...
Dear Shane,
I would like to start my letter by saying I do miss you lot and everyday I never missed a day not thinking of your well being and how I wish I could have save a part of me to remind you that I always wanted to be your friend.
I am better person now because I slowly did everything things what I told you before I left Ireland. I got myself a place so in future my parents have their retirement home that I said I would do. I had challenge myself to my certification like how I mentioned it to you. You probably think by now I should have just let go and have forgotten everything about you. That I cannot do. I still think that it was never a waste to have met you. I do regret kissing you. I do regret making love to you. I do regret loving you as a lover...
3,400
It’s kinda ironic, isn’t it? How you can call someone your best friend for so many years and the next thing you know, they’re your worst enemy. Instead of remembering you as my other half, I now just think of you as the best friend who broke my heart. I’ll never understand how someone can treat another person so cruelly. You constantly put me down and hurt my feelings. If I was wearing something you didn’t like, you’d let me know. The worst thing was, you always blamed me. Everything was my fault, and you almost convinced me that I was the bad friend, and that I was the problem. It took me many years to see it, but I’ve finally realized I’m not the issue, you are.
All of the hurtful things you’ve said about me, behind my back and over text message. Would you have said all of those cruel...
4,200
Who would have ever thought we would have become so close like we did?!
Before i truly got to know you i honestly thought you were a bit "special" just the way you spoke to people, woman in general was a little odd.
But i was going through my own stuff back then and was rather judgmental, I sure wasn't the person i am today.
I can still remember the very first time we truly meet with out having a lot to drink, I had just moved into my new house and you were on your way home and stopped in.. You sat on top of my tv cabinet and we just talked, from then on the friendship started one that i will never forget.
You would pop over in your free time, we would just hang out eat (cook together), have a drink or watch some crapping tv, it never seemed to matter what we did.. I guess because we...
3,912
Dear friend,
Thank you. I guess that’s how I really want to start this off (since this is a thank you letter to you). We have been through many things together and no matter what, you have never left my side. Through highs and lows I have never questioned where I stood in your life and that is something I am always grateful for.
Going through the hardest time in my life has opened my eyes to the people that are going to be here for me in the long run, and I don’t think I would be able to go through this without you. I have come to realize that I don’t need anyone in my life who does not want to be here and I’ve finally been able to accept that thanks to you. You have taught me so much and I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for you. You are a constant in my life that I know...
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