We had a huge fall out in the end. But it didn't end how most friendships end. Ours ended with a fight. It wasn't a small fight or a big fight for a matter of fact. It was just a fight. I don't really remember what it was about or why it even happened. But all I know is that the last few text messages we sent that day, we said things we'd forever regret. One thing that was said is you called me a complete bitch. I mean I am and always will be but when it cames towards you and the people I love the most I wasn't.
I'm sorry I got caught up with Frontier. I'm sorry I'm trying to keep Olmsted in my past. But you didn't help either. You didn't ask how I was enjoying Frontier. You didn't ask if I met some cute boys. You didn't ask how big of an adjustment it was. You didn't ask how I was holding up. But if you wanna know now here it is. Frontier may be a piece of shit but I've found some true friends there, I've made a family there. I've met some cute boys and one I'm head over heels for. The adjustment was huge, I went from a school full of kids as smart or smarter than me to a school full of kids that are lucky they can pass 3 classes. I was holding up terribly the first few months, I would cry myself to sleep wondering why I had to go there. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that I had no one that I was close to there. I would get sick knowing that I couldn't walk into Mrs. Folckemers class when I was having a rough day or even a rough week. Switching was terrible. But now I'm holding up great. We've tried to get back on track but it'll never happen cause I'm so jammed pack with things for Frontier especially hanging out with the tiny family that was sprouted from 1 kid asking the smart new girl to sit at his lunch table.
Just to let you know:
Just because we stopped talking,
It doesn't mean I forgot about you.
It doesn't mean I stopped caring
The truth is I still do.
I do my best to check up on you, to see how you're doing.
To see if you're okay
But each and every single time I get the urge to text you, it suddenly hits me.
It just me that we're now strangers, that even though we want each other in our lives it won't happen.
Hence the reason I'm no longer there.
But even though almost everything has changed, I just want you to know.
I want you to know that I'm always here
I'll still lend you my shoulders to cry on and my ears to listen when you talk.
I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing
Please don't hesitate to talk to me cause most of the time I'm wishing you are talking to me.
I miss you, I miss being your best friend.
I hope you know that I still remember the first day you met. You walked into our 4th grade classroom wearing a uniform. No one would talk to you but I decided to cause I knew what it was like to be the new girl. I still know what its like to be the new girl.
I remember the first argument we had that should've ended it. It was when Johanna showed up. It was when she was first there for me. It was when I knew she was my shoulder to cry on and well she still is. You got mad because she was starting to slowly replace you. But that actually wasn't the start. The start was you dating John. You would invite me over and with no surprise John was there. I was always the third wheel. I was the one that walked with your little sister because you were with your boyfriend. I was the 3rd wheel.
Even though we’re not friends anymore, I still want to thank you. Thank you for being my best friend—and dealing with everything that comes with that. Thank you for being honest and genuinely caring about me. Thank you for taking me for me, and never letting other’s judgments get in the way. Thanks for never sharing those embarrassing pictures you took of me. And thank you, thank you, thank you for being the best friend I needed during that part of my life.
Also, even though we are no longer friends, I just want you to know that I could never hate you. Trust me, I’ve tried. It sounds awful, but I thought it would be easier to get over losing you if I could hate you—but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was hurt when you left, but I will never hate you. You were my best friend. And despite how things ended up, because of that, I will always love you. I always knew I could count on you when I needed chicken nuggets and a good walk to the park.
But I want you to promise me two things. I want you to promise me that you will never forget the laughs we've shared and the memories we have made.
I tell my new friends about you. I tell them all of the things we did. I tell them about how I helped you get with John. But one thing I don't tell them is how we ended, cause that was a mess. I couldn't sleep for weeks cause I was thinking of how I could fix everything but there is nothing to be fixed. Its all over.
I reread the conversations. I watch the video we took of my brother at Woodlawn beach. I look over the pictures we took. But those are all over now. They're just memories, just like our friendship.
Now before I end this I want you to know that I didn't just lose my best friend and her family but I lost a sister and a family. I want you to know that I love you and your family very much.
Also one last thing this girl Danielle Steel once said "Maybe some people just aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn. And that's why they're here. You'll have that gift forever." And you Brianna were a very special gift I will always remember.
