Friends

Sometime around three years ago, I was living in a hotel room. I was completely disconnected from anyone that I had ever known or established friendship with. I was off of every single form of social media. I did not have a cell phone. I did not have any money. I had no one to turn to. No one to talk to. I had dropped out of high school, and my life seemed to be in shambles. Killing myself was a daily thought. I used to try to reconcile in my head and give myself reasons to actually go through with it. I practiced writing suicide notes everyday. I would go out and take walks very early in the morning and look at the cars bustling by on the interstate and wonder if I should just jump out in front of one of them and end it all right there. It was a complicated situation. If I were...
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You're in college now. You love it more than anything in the entire world. The past few years have been rough- you went through a lot and learned some lessons. Most importantly you learned to love yourself. 13-year-old me, you will make so many new friends who you love unconditionally- and they love you, too. They forgive you for your wrongs and love you for them just as much. You and your sister will be best friends again. You'll show off all of your friends to her and be so proud of them, and yourself. You'll talk every day and learn new things every week. You won't believe how much you can learn about someone you've known your entire life. You never knew you could be so happy. You've never been more comfortable in your own skin- you wear what you want and what you like and...
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Hi, I don’t know you. But I’m sure you’ve heard about me. I’m the girl before you, I’m the one he was crying about in his bedroom to you, the one you bonded with him over. I don’t know what he’s told you, but I’m sure it doesn’t paint me in a very flattering light. He’s probabaly accused me of being a psycho, a liar, a slut. He said those things and far worse to my face, so I’m not upset he’s told you. I don’t know you. But I’m worried for you. I want so desperately to find out who you are, to run up to you and grab you away from him. Because he’s not what he seems. He is the perfect storybook villain, with a poisoned apple at the ready, and cutting words to slit your throat. He probabaly told you how crazy I am, without mentioning he used to gaslight me until I sobbed, convinced...
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Dear Baby P, This week you are the size of an Avocado, so it only felt fitting to do this now considering its one of the very few foods that your parents and I will never be able to agree on, but that's OK, they're entitled to their wrong opinions. Let me just start by saying I cant wait to meet you. We have SO much to talk about. I freaking adore you already, I wont even mind if you have jammy hands every day. You are already one tremendously lucky little Avo, I haven't known your parents for the longest time but i do know this, they are both such incredible humans and i love the idea that in a few months there will be a mini version of them running around this world. Together they are quite possibly the two most stubborn people I have ever met, do not argue with them, they...
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Open Letter To My Ex-Best Friend Who Abandoned Me Like All The Others Dear JD, I remember the first day we met. I just moved to this school about 8 months ago, I lost all my friends and I had no real “best friend” since everyone I loved either ditched me for more popular, talkative, pretty girls,or moved, I was used to being alone, and that familiar feeling of “abandonment” lingered in my mind, I had trust issues. But I still kept high hopes, I thought about this new school I could start fresh. I remember when you first came up to me It actually took a couple days to start talking to me, but we clicked after that. We talked after school every single day, we spent our breaks talking about anime. You’d ramble about it for hours, even though I was hesitant at first and stopped...
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Dear Childhood Best Friend, At 18 years old, We graduated high school and I went on a camping trip to say good bye for the last time to some of my friends before we parted ways and went off to college. I met the love of my life that weekend. He was older and friends with my friend’s boyfriend. He was everything I didn’t know I needed and more. That summer changed my whole life. I went off to college and quickly realized that I was alone for the first time ever. I reached out everyday to you. At first, things were fine. I got lots of texts telling me that I wasn’t alone as I thought I was. But that only lasted a week or so. As time went on you drifted away. At 19 years old, the boy I met camping became my boyfriend. My first REAL boyfriend. I was head over heals and felt...
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You walked up to me today. 3 months after I blocked you on every social media platform and my phone, you actually walked up to me and asked me "Why?". You claimed that if you had decided to stop being friends with me, out of respect for our 8 year friendship, you would have at least told me why. You want to know why I can't be your friend anymore...Here it is. You hurt me. You emotionally abused me. Your narcissism really took a toll on our friendship. You are toxic and we are incompatible as friends. You never take responsibility for your mistakes. You always play the victim. I could no longer just stand there and let you ruin your own life and the lives of those around you. So I eliminated myself from your life. I didn't want to argue about it. You are not worth my time. I...
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Right now you are walking on a tightrope. Above you is where you feel at ease, where you are high, where for just the moment you can take you mind off this world. Below you is where it all ends. Where each person you’ve known gets the phone call, where you’ve been removed from our lives in an instant, where we are left wondering what we could have done. You have demons inside you. As you walk on this tightrope they pull from all sides. On the right they pull to being alone, and afraid, and they tell you “just one more time can’t hurt”. These demons tell you things that were tucked back into the corners of your brain. They tell you right and up are the only directions you can go. They tell you must balance and walk this line until your feet are bleeding and blistered. Their voices...
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I have a late night conversation with the pillow you gave me, he tells me about my dreams and I tell him about everything and especially you! I love late night conversations, late night walk and late night snacks. And for some reason everything is better at night, I don't know why, I just love it but I guess, it is because some of my loving family, dearest friends and foes have time for me, for some walk, for some snacks and for the best part of the night, good conversations. I guess everyone may agree that it saddens us if we don't have anyone to talk about how our day went, someone that we can talk to. About last night, one of my dearest friend called me on the phone. We talked a lot and lasted for a long time and when we ended our convo, it just happened that this time My friend...
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The day we met we instantly became friends, that was about 10 years ago, we were in the 8th grade. In the 10 years I've spent with you as my bestfriend we've had ups and downs but we never let that get in the way of our friendship, I think the longest we ever went without talking was less then a month because we couldn't not be around each other. You are one of the most important people in my life and not because youve been my best friend for 10 years, but because you've never left my side when things got hard or when other girls didn't like me. You've always had my back but knew how to tell me when I was wrong. Through the years you've known about my struggles with addiction and you never made me feel like I was less of a person because of it. You've held me countless times while I...
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