I’ve tried to talk to you so many times about what you did to me a long time ago, but anytime we met up you changed the topic mostly to about you. So I want to share with you openly what you did and what I accomplished. When we first became friends , I thought it would be a lasting friendship. We dated a pair of brothers at the time and always were together. But after I broke up with your boyfriends brother, you treated me differently and then replaced me as a friend with his new girlfriend. That was fine, I got over it. In the meantime we still danced together. I supported you when after our main instructor quit and you took over teaching and almost all except 8 students quit because they didn’t like your dance style. And even though I really didn’t either, I never told you and I stayed in your class. Then when the girl who co taught with you quit the following year, you asked me to co teach. Truth be told I had a bad feeling about it and was planning on switching studios but out of loyalty I stayed. Meanwhile I’ll mention I was more of a jazz / contemporary dancer at the time and you really only hip hop. Although I did do “studio hip hop” back then.
Anyhow all the sudden you kept telling me i sucked. Which really made me hate hip hop and made me insecure to the point I couldn’t dance full out around you. I was only 18 and you knew I was more of a “trained dancer”. If I was to assist you, you should have been nurturing and being you were my new instructor, you also should have been training me! So you were not only abusive but in the wrong. And I didn’t suck, I just wasn’t strong at the time with hip hop. So soon came time for our recital. Then to help fill the class, I invited my guy friend to dance w us and you invited this pompous arrogant narcissist guy with a long ponytail to take class. Right after 3 weeks you both planned to sabotage me. Not only did I assist you, but I taught 3 of my own jazz classes. So the horrible night came where your guy friend decided to separate our class into 2 groups. We only had 8 students. So you took 4 into a different room. The rest of us 4 started practicing in the room where I was in. And we noticed you didn’t even have music on in the studio next to us. Within 10 min you came back into the room I was in w that ass of a guy and you didn’t talk, he did all of the talking. He told me I should quit hip hop and that I was only good at “jumping, turns, and jazz dance”! He wasn’t even a good dancer. In fact he was horrible. He wasn’t my boss, he didn’t work there, and he wasn’t an instructor! He didn’t even know what he was talking about! Then he begin to talk crap about every hip hop instructor in the area from every studio saying how they all sucked. And that only you and your friend , my ex’s new gf were good. He even was homophobic and called one of my guy friends horrible names because he’s gay, and then he talked about how this other hip hop instructor is a slut and can’t dance. I couldn’t believe you let him talk so badly about people and bully me! It was your class! Not his!
So I left, I was too shy to stick up for myself, and I called the studio owner and quit! She urged me not to and reminded me that I was super talented and a great teacher but I told her I wasn’t going to stay at a studio I’d be psychologically, emotionally, and verbally abused. Shame on you for allowing that. I should have actually sued you and that guy for bullying and harassment. Hindsight is 20/20!
Anyhow many years passed. After that I immediately moved to LA, met a guy that was a professional hip hop dancer, who became my long term boyfriend, and started training with him and several prominent well-respected instructors in the industry. And I got damn good. Better than I ever would had been if I stayed under your wing. I begin to really hear music, and even excelled at choreography! Soon I begin to dance professionally and got some cool gigs! But the entertainment industry wasn’t really my cup of tea due to other reasons like the “casting couch ”, which had nothing to do with dance!
Eventually I moved to another area , auditioned and got on an adult professional hip hop company! Out of 500 dancers, I was one of 20 picked! It was so exciting but because of what you and your narcissistic guy friend did to me years earlier, I had this self esteem issue thinking that I wasn’t good enough. But surprisingly the owner of this world renowned hip hop crew and studio walked right up to me , put her hands on my shoulders and said “wow you are amazing! Such a good dancer! We’re so excited to have you this season!” And that reminded me that I am good enough, I don’t suck, and that anyone can improve, excel, and get more advanced when they’re treated right, trained correctly, and nurtured rather than abused.
So this is my F you letter! I thought that I could talk to you in person several years ago when we met up again. Oh and that time we did meet up again when I was in town for a dance convention with my dancers, you invited me and my teen company dancers to your class and I took you up on it. I thought maybe after class we could talked and I’d get an apology so I’d get closure! Nope! You are so narcissistic that you only think of yourself!
So not only did you only have one student, which was sad. But 5 of my dancers, after your class was over - well, my dancers confessed that they didn’t like your class, it was too easy, and that your style was stuck back in the 90s and not updated! Not to mention way too easy for them as they were used to my intricate choreography. Then they said liked my style better and to not bring them back to your class! And while I told them that wasn’t nice to say, and to be respectful, it sure was reassuring to hear that I didn’t suck. You know what’s odd though. After this we met up one last time when I was visiting my family and had a dance event to participate in about 40 min away. Being it was raining and the event I was in got postponed, you needed a ride to get a check, so i offered to give you a ride so we’d spend at least 40 min together and I’d maybe get my apology. Sigh I can’t believe I’d actually expect you to take any accountability for your awful actions. So the second I started to bring up what you did, you changed the subject to about you again and turned it into some drama that my ex when I was 18 did something bad to you. It wasn’t my business and I didn’t want to know. You then talked crap about his wife which was the girl you replaced me as your friend with who became his new girlfriend and now his wife, saying pretty awful things about her. It then dawned on me at the age of 32 that you didn’t change. That you still behaved the same way you did when you were 18/19. And that perhaps you have a personality disorder - probably narcissistic much like your guy friend that bullied me. What a shame I’m never going to get closure from what you did years ago. I learned recently that your daughter and grandson died. How sad. But weirdly you made an awful tribute video to her. With her twerking and showing her butt. That’s not how you honor the dead Cynthia! And then you keep posting about yourself shortly after… when are you going to learn how to treat the people who care about you better? Oh and what I also found weird was that the last time we hung out, you talked badly about our old studio and the guy that’s teaching your old spot now. Saying how he’s gay and can’t dance. Wow that sounds familiar. I looked at his choreo, and it wasn’t bad at all. It was more advanced than yours. Maybe it’s jealousy that you never really made anything of yourself in the dance world and now that you are middle aged your chances are bare minimum! If you ever get this, please take a look at yourself and how you’ve treated people in your past. You should apologize to everyone that you are aware that you’ve hurt! But I doubt that will ever happen. Anyhow I’ve held this in for years and finally decided upon doing an open letter because it’s time these things were said. By the way I’m pretty amazing at hip hop now even though I’m middle aged. I had a long career for over 15 years, dancing on three different adult companies, dancing in the industry, teaching, directing teams, etc. and I’m pretty proud of myself. I don’t suck. I never did! I just needed to be trained properly! I needed to be nurtured! I needed to be treated well! You did none of that for me. To all the dancers, artists, singers, actresses, etc that were once told they sucked, no you don’t! It takes time and patience to develop a craft! Never give up! And never believe the negative! Keep going