Broken Hearts

As I write this I have a chaotic mesh of emotions. The first and most prevalent is love. I love you all so much. You have become such a large portion of the positive aspects of my existence, it’s hard to comprehend how much you mean to me. The few genuinely happy memories I have, are all thanks to you guys. You have made such an enormous impact on my life that I can’t imagine a future without any of you. But the sad truth is we have grown distant. I don’t feel like I can approach you all in the same manner I have before, and I know it is my own doing. This brings me to the next emotion; Regret. We all make mistakes, we all have done things we wish we hadn’t, and for the most part we were able to set things right and move on. But there comes a point where it begins to wear thin, I am...
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I'm done sugar-coating things and putting on a brave face for our families. You know that having a family of your own is not something you want, and despite what you think I know it too. I know you have no desire to have children with me. There will always be a reason, some made sense at the time - you were between jobs and the timing was bad - but since that is no longer valid, your reasons have become just plain mean. I didn't go to university, just a trade college, so I'm not smart enough to teach a child anything academic. My interests are cooking and sports, which are useless, unlike your passion for music. I have no patience, though dealing with you proves otherwise. I am uncaring and aloof, though that didn't stop you from marrying me. Oh and I'm fat... if I have a kid now I'll...
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Something I've just read in one of these open letters really resonates: "I know these feelings will subside and I will look back on it and feel silly for letting it get to me so much but I just don't like the thought that two people I have been close to are giggling behind my back." At the time the "have been close to" was replaced by "am close to". You were giggling with my best friend about me, and then neither of you would tell me what you were giggling about. It really is silly to worry, I know, and afterwards, you just clammed up and said it was a private conversation and my 'best friend' said she's sorry, but you asked that I should please not tell me, and so she felt she just couldn't. From my side, I thought that was a betrayal, but she has since apologised. As for you, you...
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I don't pretend to know what courage or strength it would take to face me. Nor do I care. Why is it not the first thing you knew to do to try to ease the pain. I've been waiting for 31 years now. I know the hole you left in my life, in our lives will grow easier to live with....if only you would face me, tell me you're sorry. I'm not waiting for an explanation. Making me understand why you stabbed my brother until he lay limp underneath you would only horrify me and open the part of that wound that has closed. I just want to hear you say sorry, let me rest, quell my anger. I know where you are, this is a tiny village - this little paradise of a nation near the bottom of the world. But you have never sought me out. None of us. I ache to know you are sorry.
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My friends don't understand the overwhelming calm that I have and the attitude that I have towards spending 23 years of my life with a man who can turn out to be "Gay". I need to tell you why I accept everything you are and everything you have become. I cannot however, deal so well with the jealousy I feel now you are settled and enjoying a particularly quality lifestyle with your 25 year old Asian boyfriend, a man half your age. I've seen you together and I know you love each other, but I fear for your long term relationship not withstanding the age difference. When I first found out your interest in men, our youngest son, was only 2. I was home for very long periods of time alone with three children under 5, as you were in the armed forces and patrolling the seas and guarding the...
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Dear HIV, I hope you’re well. It’s been a while since I’ve written, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge you as another year begins. You’ll recall the contract I required you to sign seven years ago when you took up residence in my body. In this contract, I conceded that your continued tenancy comes with these parameters: You will be quiet. You will not procreate. You will not aggravate, vex, poison, or in any other way influence the cells and functions of the other organs and processes in my body. You will occupy a small, windowless, doorless space approximately the size of the tip of a stickpin in a deep reservoir inside my body, where you will have no nourishment, no visitors, and no hope of escape. Thank you, HIV, for respecting the simple parameters of this...
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Dear People Who Use the “Battle” Metaphor for Other People Who Have the Distinct Displeasure of Cancer, If I die of this relapsed, refractory Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, and you describe me posthumously as having “lost her battle with cancer,” I swear to God I will come back from wherever my soul may have been sent and haunt the living shit out of you for the rest of your days. Perhaps you have never been in a real-life, actual fight or battle. Kindly allow me to explain, then, that a fight, battle, war, skirmish, or what-the-fuck-ever else you want to call it, is something that either adversary reasonably could win with superior manpower and/or firepower. Kindly allow me also to remind you that there is no cure for cancer. That’s why it’s not, you know, called “Breast-itis” or “...
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I write this never really believing this day would come . Two female friends I lost because they did not believe I had been abused by 2 former boyfriends. To have to go through meeting 2 men and after leaving one who verbally and emotionally abused me, I met a second. Only someone who had endured this can begin to know how much strength it takes to leave an abuser and go through it twice in 2 different relationships takes double the strength. To compound the pain both of these men after I left made it their duty and mission to discredit me and make me look like I was pure crazy in my claims that they were abusers to my friends. They maliciously made lies up claiming they were the victims and how I had made their lives Hell because both I kicked out of my home because of their...
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I have no right to ask for the forgiveness of the one person who has done nothing but forgiven me. I am a constant disappoint and have perpetually lied to hide how disappointing I am. I tried to fill this hole in my soul that continually ached with pain but I did so without thought, without reason and without any regard to what my actions would ultimately do. I’m not saying that I didn’t think of the consequences but because of my lack of self-control I acted anyway. I made a mistake that should not be forgiven and I compounded it with lie after lie so that I can conceal just how disappointing I am. When you hurt someone… I’m not sure it is a wound that ever heals. What I do know is that even with forgiveness, it will never be the same. I have spent the last 2 days trying to figure out…...
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I am writing this letter because I'm tired of reading or hearing about all these stereotypical breakup scenarios and ways to move on with you life. I recently broke up with a partner of 2 years and as I'm sure we can all agree...going through a break up sucks! But for magazines and other media to simplify a break up to the point where it is formulaic is just wrong and you have to be aware that no two relationships are the same, therefore no break up is going to be the same. People are different and as a result they are going to respond differently to a breakup. So no matter what you might have prepared yourself for because you've already broken up with someone, doesn't mean your next breakup is going to be smooth sailing. I have spent a bit of time thinking about breakup...
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