You were the one that I fell in love with my senior year of high school and you were my first love. Boy, did I sure want to spend the rest of my life with you but it's funny how things change. See here's the thing, this isn't to glorify how great our relationship was because it wasn't. We started dating October 2015 and you broke up with me without reason the first week of January because it was right after Christmas. All the clothes I had bought you I got right back because you weren't worth enough. I showed you everything that you said the last one couldn't. You took that for granted, just like you took me loving you and caring about you and making myself miserable for you.
I fought and fought to get you back over a series of months, but it was nothing to you. I was nothing more...
Broken Hearts
Dear Friend,
Thanks. Thanks for leaving me at home alone on another Saturday night listening to sad music while you go out and laugh with the girl that you clearly see as your one and only best friend, even though I was the one who has ever let you cry into my arms. Thanks for letting me down again and again, when I loved you through it all more than anything else in this world. That's right. When I was wrapped up in bed all those hours during the day while you were out having the time of your life, I still loved you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy; I practically sold my soul to you, and you couldn't care less.
Maybe you think this is absolutely selfish, to blame you and your happiness for my melancholy emotions, but I'm not doing that at all. I'm just letting you know...
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It's been some time now since we have parted ways, though the decision was not my own I understand and realize that I was a large cause of it. Time has moved slower than my thoughts it seems, at times it felt like I was a day ahead of where my physical body was presently at. Other days my mind was in the past and some days, although seldom, I lived in the present moment. It was an overwhelming struggle getting to where I am now, as I am also sure wherever you are at has been the same. I am at that point where I am ok with just living life and taking things as they come, sometimes I get a bit of anxiety though wondering where I am going now. I know things between us moved quickly, from meeting to a date, to giving each other a title. Something about you though drew me in like magnets...
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1. You are a LIAR
2. You checked out
3. I was always behind other people. ALWAYS. Not to say I need to be top priority all the time but I was very frequently tossed to the side.
4. You gave up on yourself
5. You gave up on me
6. You gave up on us
7. You give up. Period.
8. You controlled me for too long. You got use to it by the time I started actually fighting back.
9. You made me feel bad about the mistakes I made even though you said you were over it. You should’ve been honest with yourself and me
10. You gave shitty gifts
11. You hated my gifts that. I spent hours putting them together for you
12. If something was negative or not good with me you made fun of it instead of trying to help me through it and fix it
13. You kicked me out of your house when your friends were...
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One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to and someone I had cared so much about, and who had cared so much about me could leave just like that. Day after day it was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. I didn't understand, I'd be perfectly fine and then I would suddenly feel so sad, so heartbroken, and so weak. Weak because I let you make me feel this way and I shouldn't have, but the second I started thinking I was okay, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, you left, I died inside. Seeing you every day makes my heart sink, but I don't deserve it.
Realizing that took me longer than I'd...
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One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to and someone I had cared so much about, and who had cared so much about me could leave just like that. Day after day it was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. I didn't understand, I'd be perfectly fine and then I would suddenly feel so sad, so heartbroken, and so weak. Weak because I let you make me feel this way and I shouldn't have, but the second I started thinking I was okay, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, you left, I died inside. Seeing you every day makes my heart sink, but I don't deserve it.
Realizing that took me longer than I'd...
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Yes we've all had our hearts broken and we'd never survive it. But as we grow-up we learn it's a part of life and that it's bound to happen many times. And we sometimes even grow from it. As a parent our children even break our hearts by simply not making good choices and maybe not having the life we wanted them to have. But we get do get over and we love them and continue to help them. And the heart heals...
But you truly do have a broken heart when you loose a love one especially a child. I can honestly say November 13, 2015 my heart was broken and a piece was lost forever when I got the phone call my 23 year old son was in a car accident with his friend. Never in a million years did I think I would ever loose one of my children before me. I know people die everyday and I've lost...
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It's twisted, in the least dramatic sense, I know- being so deeply and somehow, effortlessly spun into a "web" with someone who poisons you, cripples you, derails your value and self-worth- intoxicating you with their violent spews of hatred and repetitive cycles of pseudo tears and drunken apologies. Although, the unhealthy cycle of abuse and need for "power" and dominance is constant and never-ending, I'm afraid, in irrationally egocentric personalities, the victim forgives her abuser over and over again.
She will do anything to savor the parasitic relationship, because as sickening as it is, the victim becomes addicted, in a sense, to his abusive tics and behaviors. Consequently, as afraid as she truly is of her abuser, the only thing that terrifies her more is losing him. Ironic,...
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I have become second choice- and that’s on a good day. When big moments happen in our lives, we would always, ALWAYS turn to each other. I still turn to you without hesitation, while you turn to him- and later update me if it’s convenient for you.
I have no doubt that you will be engaged within the next year, and good for you. I will probably spend a chunk of my 20’s single figuring out my career and myself as a person.
I know deep down that this letter comes down to the fact that I miss you, I miss what we had, and yet I still love what we do still have to this very day. I hope we are college roommates…but I fear for your need to be with this boy 24/7.
You always tell me that you hold a leash, and quite frankly it’s not funny and it’s a bit disturbing. Honestly, I’m not sure...
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Hey,
It's funny to think it's been two years since I met you, a little over 3 months since I've spoken to you and not a day goes by where you're not on my mind.
Looking at you for the first time was nothing like I'd experienced before, as cliché as it sounds. I never quite believed that there was such a thing as being emotionally and physically drawn to someone the moment you lay eyes on them. But it happened. With you. The second our eyes met, I honestly knew with every fiber of my being that you would be my greatest downfall. Your long curly hair, deep brown eyes and your signature smirk that all the girls before me had fallen for. Damn, was I gone for.
I always wondered if the attraction was purely one-sided or if I read the signs wrong. I was so stupid that I completely...
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