Broken Hearts

Man, i don't even know where to start this. It's been a pretty piss poor few months. But i think things are getting better now. I'm writing this because, after everything, i need real closure. Not avoidance, or comfort, but a real ending. So here goes, kiddo. Sometimes, I'm not sure how i feel about you. Some days, I'm angry. But I know I shouldn't be. At the end of the day, I think I had this idea in my head, that something took you from me. I know now that that is wrong. I say it in the kindest way possible, but you left. And I couldn't wrap my head around that. I wanted to be the hero, to bring you home, and to be the guy I should have been. Before. But you made a choice, and I don't resent you for that. I just don't know how I feel. I know that I want you to be happy, and that I have...
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What is your definition of pain? Is it getting that call? At 10am? Or how about the second call at 7pm? It's not painful enough to lose one to surprise. How would you feel after 2? It's a week before your 18th birthday. But, you know what's worse? It's a week before your brother's 16th and his dad can't show him how to shift into reverse. How would you feel, looking your baby brother in the eyes and explaining that he can not say goodbye. The man who made him 16 years prior does not get to see him become a man because of a bike with a faulty wire. Or how about the feeling when you realize you are showing remorse to your bosses children for the loss of their father that morning and they show remorse for the loss of your father that evening. How would you feel when your mother drinks...
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Rachel, If I stayed quiet now I’d surely regret it on Christmas day, when I thank those dearest to my heart for bringing joy into my life. Before we met I was content, but in a twist of fate you opened my eyes to goodness I never knew I needed. If being in love with you was simply a choice, how simple would we have become? We never would’ve grown intertwined, or supported each other as beacons at the end of a hard day. Grace has cradled us in curious yet delightful moments meeting our families, on a picnic blanket in my apartment, bumping heads at the Parthenon, and of course that night in April when my heart nearly beat out of my chest. Do you remember the night we met? Your laugh and the warmth of your heart turned me starry-eyed; I forgot the color of your dress (royal blue...
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My Prince Charming, I met you and discovered love at first sight. Talking to you made my heart ache and skip beats. Your smile brought tears to my eyes and I knew that I had found something special. I broke so many rules for you, chased you as best I could. I knew you felt the same way. We would talk for hours on end, so interested in each other. I had recently come out of bad relationship and you helped to mend that hole in my heart. In my previous relationship, my love was taken for granted and abused. I knew that you were so different; you even realized that I always waited until you said goodnight because I never wanted to be the first to end our conversation. You were so special, you admired parts of me that I didn't know I had. You made me feel so loved, sent me the sweetest...
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An open letter to the one who broke me. We dated in the early part of 2014. You were great. You came into my life and you rescued me. You rescued me from loads of depression and hopelessness. We began talking in March then began dating in April and we instantly hit it off. We fell hard for each other and I thought we were perfect together. We both held the qualities that are needed to keep a relationship alive. (For a little while anyway). For example, the basic things like honesty and trust were there. You treated me so well, and I began to believe that you were the one that I had been searching for. Not only did you treat me well, but you also accepted my flaws. You even accepted my daughter and I can't thank you enough for that. Things were going tremendously up until the late part...
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Knight, Today marks a year since you left us. Some days, the grief consumes me; other days, the good memories flood my mind. And then there are the days I can remember nothing but the bad that happened between us. But every day, I remember you. That day I lost you, I lost something inside me — something central to my existence. I think if soul mates exist, then that’s what we were, brought together by the fate of eight strangers picked to live in a house. You and I always joked that we would never have dated if we’d met in real life (let’s be real, I didn’t like white boys and you had a thing for dumb blondes). But I’m so thankful we ended up in that house together. And even though falling in love while filming a television show isn’t a normal love story, it was ours. And it was...
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Sometimes breaking up isn’t too difficult. Sometimes you know the person is entirely wrong for you. You know that it would never work because you never achieved that level of intimacy necessary to build a lasting relationship. You never became best friends. Then there are times when breaking up is the most difficult thing in the world, not just because you know that you are breaking your lover’s heart – and your own while you’re at it – but because you are willfully choosing to lose your best friend. There is nothing worse than choosing to let go and move on when you know that your best friend will never be more than just that, a best friend. It’s a very difficult phenomenon to describe, which is why most go with the all-time favorite cliché: “I love you, but I’m not in love with...
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We were so close, we were such good friends. I looked forward to your name appearing on my phone screen and always smiled when I read your messages or opened your snaps. We always laughed together. I have more inside jokes with you from our three-month friendship than I do with friends I've had for three years. It has been a month since we've talked. I guess I knew you were interested in me. I pretended that you weren't though, just like I always do. When friends would ask I would immediately reply "Oh god no! We're just friends." They knew better, and if I'm being honest with myself, so did I. And then I messed up. Like I always do. But this time I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I guess I knew he was interested in me too. But, of course, I pretended he wasn't. And...
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An open letter to the one who gave up his chance. It's pretty much been living hell without you, it's just killing me. I know you've moved on, and you're probably really happy. But, look at me. Do you think I'm happy? I sit here, most of my time, thinking about how great things were. How much I loved you, how much you said you loved me. We were amazing. I remember this one time, I had just gotten out of the hospital, and it was our friend's birthday. She wanted to go out, but instead you stayed home with me and took care of me. You were there for me 100%, until the day you changed your mind. The day you stopped loving me. The day you stopped caring. I remember everything you've ever said to me. You told me you just weren't wanting a relationship for awhile... After a few days, I saw...
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I remember being in my college dorm, awoken by the sound of my ringing cell phone at 2AM. It had been weeks now: the same phone call from the same person, and the same conversation every night. A dear friend of mine wasn’t just suffering from depression, he was completely consumed by it. During those phone calls, he wasn’t the friend who rode shotgun with me in the summer and laughed at my jokes. He was someone I didn’t recognize. That’s what depression does to someone, especially in the late hours of the night when serotonin levels aren’t balanced and their mind is racing with worries. It all seemed to come out at 2AM, and I listened to every word. One of the hardest things about watching a friend suffer was the dark place he took me to as he reached for my hand. He told me...
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