Broken Hearts

I recently tossed out the last mementos from time spent with my Personality Disorder ex. This was the last steps in healing my wounds. I have NO ill will towards her. She is out of my life now. I do not think we will ever publicly cross paths again -- no need, to be honest. She can give me no more closure than I have found in myself. I had a very vivid dream last week where I saw her and she had 'healed' in some sense. She had become a renewed woman who was helping others. Volunteering and teaching. It was like the bad darkness she once carried had faded away, melted, and she was anew made only of her good parts from prior. It was lovely because it felt like she was briefly in my life, if only positively in the best way, for a brief few moments. The true goodness I saw deep in her...
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I feel like our time has come. I no longer feel the ways in which I used to when I used to think about you before I sleep or when we used to talk in person and I’d smile at every moment. Or when your text comes through I no longer feel as special time was taken to send a heart my way. My heart no longer skips a beat with excitement whisking in emotions of happiness. I find myself at this moment that instead of being hurt, I am sad. I no longer feel that I should invest anymore than I have already. I guess, I’m becoming/feeling other things. I believe that I am just comfortable where I am so I decide to stay for fear of missing out on what we could be rather than what the reality of the situation is. I’m glad you got to grow and I’m glad I was a part of that process. You’ve...
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I hardly know where to start to be able to properly express the way that I feel. I have feelings of hurt, sadness, abandonment, betrayal, anger...
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-An open letter for my favorite girl I'm still in love with you. I understand you thought I didn't care about you like you cared about me when we were together, but god you meant everything to me and still do. I also understand when you went on vacation to Portugal and we couldn't talk much, it really made me look bad. I knew Nina was able to talk to you through what's app and I would ask if she talked to you and how you were. I remember grabbing your arm almost every time you walked by me at work so I could get as many kisses in the day before you left. I knew I would miss you because being with you felt like the home I've never had. I missed you everyday you were on vacation but I knew missing somebody is part of loving someone. The days you were gone I couldn't wait for you to come...
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Hey. Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on when I didn't get the part I auditioned for. Thanks for always helping me with my anxiety and depression, and I hope I've helped you with your depression as well. Thank you for allowing me to be your "girlfriend" and all those little dates. But, there's something you should know... Since I met you, I've been in love with you. You're my first love, and I'm glad it's you. You were in a relationship when we met, and I helped you break up with them when you'd had enough. I've been there for you all those times you fell in love to try and pick up the pieces... I remember how we would just say we'll marry each other. And that we're soul mates... But now. You say you're in love again. I try to get along with them. I listen to you talk about them, and...
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To My Beautiful Wife, I'm still struggling with our relationship. I have this desire to be whole, with you, to be fulfilled, expressed, accepted, and feel loved and know that you are happy. But I can't figure out how to make this happen. To reset the clock, as you've said, and go back to that time. How were we in the beginning, 17 years ago? That seems like a lifetime ago, and the details are becoming fuzzy.... I do remember feeling that you are very special, beautiful, kind and generous, and that my life wouldn't be the same without you. I fell in love with you, and being with you felt like the home I'd never had. You have healed me in so many ways. Over the course of the last 10 years, we've really had some ups and downs, some real challenges as individuals and as a couple....
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So I have been thinking on how to put into words why I feel I can’t show you my music. I think I am getting close, so let me share. Although our time together was short, I have inexplicable feelings for you that I just can’t seem to shake off. Right now as it stands, you are the proverbial “one that got away”. I am OK with that. The thing that I am not OK with is that you continue to send me messages here and there as if we were friends. I am sorry, but I cannot consider you as a “friend” in the true sense of the word. You have become much more to me and I can’t just forget about our past like that. To show you any part of me that is as personal as a song is out of the question. There are a list of other things I have on my mind that I could tell you about. However, the way...
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It was my first week at a secular college, after transferring from a conservative Christian college. At eighteen, I had never even kissed a boy, so when a friend of my roommate made a move, I was all for it. I don't know if it was boredom, or low self esteem, or the promise of a "real college experience", but I went all the way. Almost immediately, the fact sunk in that I wasn't a virgin. After the initial, "I'm not pregnant", worry was over, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I had let my family down, my God down, and myself down, in one swoop. I didn't know who I was anymore. Without the good girl, Christian persona, that I had spent eighteen years perfecting, I felt empty. I felt used and worthless. What kind of good Christian man would want a dirty slut? I mean, I hadn't even...
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Since day one I knew you were different. You gave me feelings no on else has. I haven't had butterflies since my ex which has taken me years to get over. When I told you I liked you I wasn't just scared of rejection but that our friendship would be ruined. My friends tell me that you're really no good for me at all...I'm not sure what it is about you. I think it's finding someone you can tell everything to and be yourself around and always makeup with after you get into arguments but you're special...I wish I could just talk to you and tell you everything I just get so nervous around you. It's crazy I can feel the way I do about someone that I never had a promise with, but it's driving me crazy that I can't explain my feelings out of fear of pushing you away, but I know there's no pain...
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With you, I had it all. My life was one big never-ending fairytale. I looked forward to waking up every day because I knew I would have you by my side. My friends were all jealous because they wanted a love like ours. We were so incredibly happy. Together we could conquer the world. We spent three amazing years together, and I can easily say the hardest thing I ever had to do was to leave you, with no reason or explanation, I just had to go. I loved you more than anything in the world, and I never wanted to hurt you. I never thought I'd see the day that you and I would have to be apart. After my little brother died, I completely shut down. I kept so many things to myself. So many feelings that I know if I had just told you, you would have understood and been right there to help,...
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