I'd always known. I'd known there was something that really set you apart from previous boyfriends and crushes and other possible love-interests. I looked past the quirks, the questionable remarks that you sometimes gave, knowing that you chose me to be with. You chose me over anyone. Everyone. Now today I look back and see I was just telling myself that to feel better. To make an excuse as to what I subconsciously had known was taking place in your mind as you kissed me, held my hand, cuddled me, made love to me, and told me how much you "loved" me. It's absolutely not anyone's fault that you are who you are today. It's who you've always been and I was ignorant not to stop and ask myself the difference between what I wanted and what was the best (and right) thing for you.
Since we...
Broken Hearts
May 24, 2016. I'll never be able to pinpoint what exactly made me pick up the phone and make an appointment for an ultrasound for that afternoon. Maybe it was because I suddenly realized that I no longer "felt pregnant". It hit me all at once that I hadn't felt sick in days,...
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May 24, 2016. I'll never be able to pinpoint what exactly made me pick up the phone and make an appointment for an ultrasound forthat afternoon. Maybe it was because I suddenly realized that I no longer "felt pregnant". It hit me all at once that I hadn't felt sick in days,...
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Sometimes we have to risk getting hurt to find what we are looking for. That one thing that makes our soul sing. It's not that we won't get hurt, it's more that when we find that one thing, we are willing to endure all things for it. Just as I did you. But after everything, I have to face the fact that while you are that one thing for me, I am not that one thing for you. And even though I will never regret believing in you, you were not my dream to dream. I don't believe there is a dream for me in this lifetime. At least not one that is willing to take a chance on me. Mine, likes to take chances on people he already knows will let him down, and ones that will not love him back in the same way he loves them. I won't fault him for this. It took everything I had to keep putting myself out...
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I was never one who had much self confidence.
If we're being honest, I lacked it completely for many years.
But then I found it. I realized all the energy I had wasted hating myself was easily converted into accepting and loving myself.
I realized I wasn't someone who needed to be hated, especially if I felt like I was enough the way I was.
And then you came along. You came along and one look into your beautiful eyes and I was gone. I was completely trapped in your game.. too bad I didn't realize it was a game at the time.. If I had.. well if I had then maybe I could have saved myself.
At one point you told me I made you happy. You said "I love you" daily.. We talked every minute that we could, my phone seemed to always be ringing with another message from you. That went on...
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I was SO angry at you. I was SO angry that you would leave me when you promised me that you would always stay. I blamed myself for months, thinking that maybe it was my fault that you didn't feel loved, that it was my fault you didn't think about how much everyone cared about you. Hell, were brother...
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I don't know if you will ever read this but I hope you do. I hope that you realize it's for you.
For so long I've wanted to get things off my mind, to say I'm sorry, to tell you I don't hold a grudge, to tell you I don't hate you and I hope you don't hate me ether. We fell in love with the same man and he chose you, I don't blame him for that, you are an extraordinary woman and he chose well. Despite what you may of been told I do not have a bad thing to say about you, in fact I've always spoke highly of you if anybody has asked.
Please don't get me wrong, there have been days over the last 15 months where I was bitter, I was angry, I was sad and my god I cried from the hurt, I blamed myself , told myself I wasn't worthy of his love, I wondered why he chose you and not me. I was...
3,852
Sometimes we have to risk getting hurt to find what we are looking for. That one thing that makes our soul sing. It's not that we won't get hurt, it's more that when we find that one thing, we are willing to endure all things for it. Just as I did you. But after everything, I have to face the fact that while you are that one thing for me, I am not that one thing for you. And even though I will never regret believing in you, you were not my dream to dream. I don't believe there is a dream for me in this lifetime. At least not one that is willing to take a chance on me. Mine, likes to take chances on people he already knows will let him down, and ones that will not love him back in the same way he loves them. I won't fault him for this. It took everything I had to keep putting myself out...
3,429
To my boyfriend...
well it's been awhile now , awhile since we have made love and I actually felt like I was connected with you . Yes I know that it sounds bad that it's been a while since I've felt connected with you . But it's true ...
I can't keep going to bed at night knowing what you are doing . I can't lie awake wondering if you stood to your promise or if you broke it ... yet again .
You can't see me physically get hurt .. but why can you watch me be out through hell day in and day out with this addiction you have ?
You have hurt me mentally and emotionally . When we have sex I can't even enjoy it anymore . Because I know you aren't think of me .
You are thinking of Sarah with the big tits and perfect body . Or your thinking of Hannah the milf who's butt is just to big...
12,017
To the girl that has a wall that nobody can tear down.
I know it is hard. I have been there, actually I am still there. I know how it feels to have someone break you so bad beyond repair that you don't know how to move forward... because lets face it you can't go back.
Like a storm that no one knew was coming has swept you up and swallowed you whole. And you are fighting to swim to the surface to catch your breath but you are being dragged deeper and deeper into oblivion.
I know how you feel.
Like you can't do anything right.
compliments completely throw you off guard and you freeze and wonder why this is happening to you?
you are self destructive.
jaded.
unworthy.
unloveable.
ugly.
But the thing is you are not any of those things.
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