I don't know if you will ever read this but I hope you do. I hope that you realize it's for you.
For so long I've wanted to get things off my mind, to say I'm sorry, to tell you I don't hold a grudge, to tell you I don't hate you and I hope you don't hate me ether. We fell in love with the same man and he chose you, I don't blame him for that, you are an extraordinary woman and he chose well. Despite what you may of been told I do not have a bad thing to say about you, in fact I've always spoke highly of you if anybody has asked.
Please don't get me wrong, there have been days over the last 15 months where I was bitter, I was angry, I was sad and my god I cried from the hurt, I blamed myself , told myself I wasn't worthy of his love, I wondered why he chose you and not me. I was heartbroken. I reacted the way most people would when the person they loved woke up one day and decided they no longer loved them.
I know you don't like me very much, I think you see me as the girl who ruined your relationship, I understand that. I believe I'd feel the same way to, you were with him a year more than me, he was never really mine to begin with, I just didn't know it. Please don't forget that he hurt me to, my relationship got ruined that day aswel, I never blamed you though but I believe you blamed me. I wanted to blame you, it was easier to blame you than the man I loved but I didn't, I didn't blame you one bit,he hurt us both, I knew exactly how you felt. I walked away the day I found out about you, I spoke to you, I told you all about me, you told me all about you, we both sat in a room knowing we were in love with the same man and we both got our hearts broken that day. I never sat with you to compete with you, I didn't hate you, I didn't even envy you, I wanted to feel all of that but honestly I liked you. I was angry for us both, I was hurt for us both. Women should support each other, not bring one another down. I hope you know that's why I was there that day. To support a woman who's heart I had unintentionally broken, to Give a helping hand to a woman who needed it right in that moment and to be a friend to a stranger who I had only just met and who had unintentionally broke my heart to.
When I learnt you two had sorted your differences, I wasn't angry, I was hurt, I broke down that day, you fought for him, you fought for what you believed in, I didn't even try, part of me didn't want to, part of me was to stubborn to let a man like that back into my life, If I had of done, if I had fought for him to, if he had fought for me, I would of gone back to, I loved him, so I don't hate you for choosing to give your relationship another go, to be the girl who just wanted love from the man she adored. He did come back to me, I know you know that, I contacted you three times to tell you what he was doing, To tell you what he was saying, I didn't contact you to hurt you, not intentionally, although the way I went about it was wrong and I truly apologize for that, honestly, I wanted to protect you from staying with a man who clearly didn't know what he wanted I really believed and still do believe you deserve better. Maybe you don't even give me a second thought but I think about our situation all the time. Maybe you think I am 'unhappy and unsatisfied with my life', I'm not, I'm happy because Im free. Free of a man who didn't deserve the love I gave to him, free of a man who tore me down and broke my heart. I'm free to be happy and love my life and that's exactly what I do everyday without him. maybe you think I'm just a little girl who fell in love with an older man, maybe you think he didn't want me or love me because that 's what he has told you but I know he loved me. I do not say that to hurt you or to blow my own trumpet, I know despite what he may say to you, I know that man, at one point in his life, fell madly in love with me to.
So to the woman I knew nothing about, to the woman who's relationship I broke, to whose heart I broke. To the woman my now ex boyfriend also loved and still does love, I hope you read this and understand although I wasn't to blame for the situation, I am truly sorry for the part I played in the pain you felt. I'm sorry my part in his life may of knocked your confidence, made you insecure and have trust issues with him and anyone else within you life. You do not need to see me as a threat, he is all yours, I will not fight for him and I will not go back. I loved that man once , he was my world. I know how it feels to look at him and feel completely at peace with your life, I know how it feels to look at him and fall in love over and over again. So please go ahead and love him and let him love you and please don't allow yourself to hate me, please do not blame me for what HE did to US. I do wish you all the best and I hope you see I am not the big bad wolf you have allowed yourself to believe I am.
All my love
The woman you knew nothing about either
