I write this not out of jealousy but out of speculation of your new relationship with a person that once was my entire life and out of fear for you well being.
I'm not sure what is was about him that made you fall for him. His eyes maybe. Or his jokes. Maybe his smile. Or his words. But whatever it was, i hope you fall in love with him all over again every day. I hope he will show you off and take time to tell you how much he means to you. I hope he brings you to meet his family and his best friend. I hope you have endless romantic dates and laughs. I hope he treats you right and makes you feel like the most special girl in the world.
And most of all i hope those things never cease to exist in yours and his relationship. Because if they do, his eyes will slowly become cold. You'll notice his jokes have became mean and no longer are light hearted. His smile will be just a memory and will turn into a mouth that spits out insults. And his words will turn from compliments and romantic quotes to manipulating and harsh evil words that break you down slowly and make you lose yourself.
And if you notice these things, run. Don't wait like i did. Don't make excuses for him like i did. Don't become so absorbed in who he was that you don't realize that he's not that same person he was in the beginning ; like i did.
Because if you do what i did, he'll destroy you. Like he did me. He'll tell you you're worthless. He'll tell you you're fat. He'll tell you you're ugly. He'll tell you you're lazy. He'll tell you that you won't get anywhere in life. And he'll tell you that he hopes your health problems that you can't controll will kill you because you deserve to die. Even though all this isn't true he will make you believe that it is. Like he did me.
And you might think that the mean words he's spewing from his mouth is just him having a bad day or maybe a rough path in your relationship but it's not. Because the emotional abuse will just lead to him hitting you when you're in shock from his mean words. He'll get mad that you're "ignoring" his evil insults. And he'll punch you. Right in the stomach. Then he'll smack you across your tear stained cheeks. Then when he hears your wimpers and cries he'll choke you to shut you up. And when you try to leave he'll slam you against the cold wooden floor and lock the doors and turn up the tv so you're locked with him and nobody can hear your cries. Like he did to me.
And when you finally realize that the person you fell in love with isn't the person he is now and when you finally realize you waited too long to leave, you'll be broken. At first you'll try to numb the pain with drugs. And then you realize once the high comes down, you still love him. And then it'll be alcohol. You will find yourself drunk out of your mind laying on the bathroom floor crying wanting to kill yourself. And then when you tell him your final goodbye and your plan to end your life that he destroyed, all he will say is "ok". And if you get lucky like i did, you'll wake up the next morning still alive noticing that your attempt to take your own life failed just as bad as you hoped it didn't.
But. If you notice that after a while his big brown eyes are still filled with love, his jokes filled with light hearted and soft laughter, his smile still soft and kind, and his words are still filled with love and passion, then stay. Because unlike me, you have changed him and he has realized what love really is. And if he doesn't emotionally abuse you or put his hands on you but instead lifts you up and and only uses his hands to hold yours and hold you like he should then stay. Because maybe, just maybe you had something so special about you that was worth him changing for.
And that's what love is about; growing and helping each other and never letting romance die. And if you find that love in him and he finds it in you, then be happy and never let it die. Because for years i tried so hard to let our relationship have that but it wasn't enough. So you sweetheart have something that he will truely appreciate.
But also realize that if you don't have that something to change him from his cold hearted ways, then leave. Don't wait years like i did to realize you're worth so much more than insults and slaps against your face.
Best wishes,
-someone who only wants the best for you and the person i used to love so dearly.
