Sometimes we have to risk getting hurt to find what we are looking for. That one thing that makes our soul sing. It's not that we won't get hurt, it's more that when we find that one thing, we are willing to endure all things for it. Just as I did you. But after everything, I have to face the fact that while you are that one thing for me, I am not that one thing for you. And even though I will never regret believing in you, you were not my dream to dream. I don't believe there is a dream for me in this lifetime. At least not one that is willing to take a chance on me. Mine, likes to take chances on people he already knows will let him down, and ones that will not love him back in the same way he loves them. I won't fault him for this. It took everything I had to keep putting myself out there for him to keep trampling my heart the way he did, again and again. Do I have regrets? Oh yes, many. But I won't regret loving him. How could I regret something that made my soul smile. I regret wanting him to love me in return. I regret needing to matter. These things I regret. I also regret, that he couldn't see just how cruel he was to a heart that loved him so fiercely, and that our time came to an end. I will always regret those things.
I'm going to try and not focus on the regrets, but cherish the moments that made my heart choose him as its place to reside. I will wish him well, and all that's good in the world, and I will watch him leave. Knowing he takes my heart with him. It chose him, and I am still so in love with him that I don't know what else I'm supposed to do with it.
If there is truly a yin for every yang, then the hurt that fills my heart, sheds light on just how emense my love for him was. For now what sorrow my soul bears, is equal to the happiness that loving him made my soul sing.
So in the end, when I am asked, "how did you love", I will be able to answer, "I loved fiercely".
I love you. x/<3
Love Always,
Your #1 Fan
Just me
April Marie
