Family

I loved you fiercely. From every shadow and crevice of my soul emanated a light and affection I had never known. Maybe that’s why I let you come back so many times. I have spent years blaming myself, buying into the narrative you sold me of my irrefutable guilt for your behavior and your choices. I never claimed to be perfect, in fact I’m far from it. I left you when our first son was born, and I kept him from you for nearly four years, convinced it was in his best interest, and mine. That uncertainty and guilt drove me to come clean, and at first I believed all your lies. I think maybe you did too. That we would be a family, that you would love and support us, that you could love me. But the truth is, you can’t love anything unless there’s something in it for you. You are incapable (...
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Merry Christmas to my favorite Canadian boys who I am very proud to say, have never once been on my naughty list. My best friend Appa told me about you two many years ago, and I am so glad that he did because I wish all the boys and girls on my list were as well-behaved as the two of you. But I must say Dylan, you often push mom to the limits of her patience from time to time. Luckily you are too lovable not to forgive. But don't push your luck Boo Boo. For years I have been stuffing gifts under your beautiful Christmas tree in Mississauga and every year I've been eating the great cookies you have left for me on the table. But I have been gaining a little weight in recent years (all those cookies put 10 pounds on me every year) and it is getting harder for me to get down that chimney...
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Loving someone is a very hard and traumatic thing to go through, unfortunately, we will all have to go through it at some point in life. Coping with loss is very personal and different, but there are still some basic and very universal steps to the loss and grieving process. When you are aware of the steps it can help you work through it and get better over time.  Don’t Block Out the Feelings Losing someone you love will bring out every single emotion that you can imagine. There will be times when you are feeling more than one and you might be feeling like you are losing your mind. It is completely normal to feel that way, therefore you shouldn’t try to block them out or try to act like they are not there. Another very important thing to realise is that there is no...
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Hi Vince, I hope this letter finds you happy and healthy. I have been thinking and worrying a lot about you Dylan, Hominy and mom lately. This is the first Thanksgiving I spent alone and I cannot describe what a lonely feeling that was. I hope you had a nice dinner and some nice pumpkin pie. This year like every year I gave thanks that I have such a great family and that you are all healthy as far as I know. I heard a rumor mom lost a lot of weight and may have some illness. This worries me a lot because she did not have any weight to lose. So if she is sick buddy, you have to tell me. If you need money or want something for special for Christmas, please send me an email. If the borders open up before Christmas I will come to look for you as I tried before. I don't know if the...
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Happy Birthday Vince! Today you are officially a man, and I know this day came a lot faster than either one of of thought it would, but it is here, and an ugly world is awaiting your best efforts to make it a better place. After raising you since birth, it was clear to me by the time you were 7 years-old, that you were no ordinary kid. You had no fear but plenty of curiosity and a sense of exploration and a deep desire to learn. You were always hungry for knowledge and I was always proud of you for these qualities. You reminded me so much of myself as a kid, but because I had such a strict father, I was more of rebel than you. And unlike you, I was never able to stay quite when things just weren't right. I was always hoping that you would be like me and not grow up with the passive...
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To all past present and future grandfathers, papaws, grandpas and any other name you may be known as, Grandfathers, you are special. You are here to help nurture, guide, and protect the precious lives created by your own children. I can only view your role as one of the most influential jobs you can have. There are many things that are to be learned in the time spent with you. These are things that only you can teach. I cherish my relationship with my father more than I could ever even imagine putting into words, but the relationship with my papaw is just different. My papaw was the second most influential man in my life, behind only my dad. There were many things my dad taught me that I will use every single day of my life. My dad taught me how to tie a tie, how to change a tire,...
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Hi Buddy, This is by far the most difficult thing I ever had to do in my life, saying good-bye to the one I love most and to this world which has never been, and never will be a fair one for either of us. Knowing that I will never see your smile again or hear your words or share a hug with you is extremely painful, and I can no longer bear this agony every day. From the day you were born my life changed instantly - and forever. I had waited 40 years for you to come along son, and when you did it it was the best day of my life and one of the most painful for mom (27 hours of labor). For the rest of my life I lived for you. Of course I tried to make your mother happy, trying to buy her everything she wanted, and do whatever she wanted. But seeing you smile, laugh, grown and learn is...
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Fight. Stay strong through these possibly hardest 18 years of your life. A normal family consists of a mom, a dad, and a child or children, however, you are in a position where either the mother or father figure is not in the picture. I know its hard, having to be both a mom and dad at the same time but you are strong enough to get through this. Work for your kid or kids and try to give them a better life than you had. You may get aggravated, stressed-out, or down but remember who you are doing this for. Never and I mean never get mad at your kids for this, it can be easy to blame this on them but they had nothing to do with it.. Give them a full and happy childhood, they are no different than any other kid and they shouldn’t have to be treated like they are. Also, remember that you are...
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Hi Buddy! I have no clue where you are since your mom won't tell me or give me your real telephone number (and won't even tell me why). But it doesn't matter really. Wherever you are I want you to know that I won't stop loving you, missing, you, nor trying to find you. I hope you received the three letters I sent to you through University of Toronto Registrar's office, although I assumed you were/are at the Mississauga Campus since they would not even confirm you are a student there even though I paid for your tuition. Anyway, it's Father's Day and I have a special message for you and just wish I could give it to you with a huge hug in person with a special gift I have been trying to get to you for over a year. The message is that I have never stopped trying to be a real father...
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Dear sperm donor, First I just want to say thank you for walking away not only once, but twice. I was about 13 when I found out about you, and you where the first man that ever made me feel worthless and unwanted. I wondered why I wasn't good enough for you to stick around. I wondered what you looked like and if you ever thought of me. I was upset that my parents had kept it from me for so long, and it took me a long time to realize that they were doing it to protect me and because they loved me. When I was 18, and I first met you I was so nervous which I don't know why because I owed you absolutely nothing. My mom had asked me numerous times through the years if I wanted to meet you, and I always said no because why? I felt as though if you really wanted to meet me then you would...
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