Family

When I was 7, you told me, likely in a frustrated moment “you don’t need to tell me everything about your day, just give me the highlights.” And my fragile 7 year old self took that to heart. It also was said to me several more times over the years. But as I got older, you also told me “You never tell me anything. You keep your life such a secret.” How am I supposed to know what you want to hear when you told me throughout most of my life that you “wanted just the highlights” … makes total sense. It’s been almost one whole year since we have spoken. I’m sure you aren’t too phased by this though, as your mother had gone a year without speaking to you before. You’re sure I’ll come around, because you always did with your mother. But this is different. I’m no longer going to be the one...
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time. what is time? what isn't time? it is a series of days. a series of motions and emotions. a series of human healing and hurt. a series of oppurtunities. it is not easy. it is not gradual. it is not always kind. and it is not replaceable. speaking of, day by day, i find myself picking up the pieces of my shattered heart. some days, there is nothing there to find, except a cold, black, mutilated and confused emptiness. an emptiness derived solely from a boy, a lost boy, who i used to love with every single hidden corner of my fragile, untouched heart and soul. a boy who let me see light when there seemed to be none. a boy who protected and loved my daughter like she was his own. a boy who re-opened my heart. something that i never expected and furthermore, never believed that i was...
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Dear Dad, I have spent the best part of my life, the last 13 years to be exact, afraid. Afraid of receiving a phone call, a text message, of walking into work and finding out from a stranger (again) or scroll on my Facebook news feed and see a post alerting me to you having had another heart attack, or worse, your death. I couldn’t see a missed call from you on my phone screen without having a fully-fledged panic attack, no matter where I was or who I was with. It got to the point that anyone even mentioning your name sent my heart into overdrive. My mental and physical health, as I’m sure you are aware, have suffered greatly. I spent my teen and early adult years suffering with depression and anxiety, something that only during last year I had begun to recover from. On October 11th...
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Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m still not me. Yes, I can’t drink but I still can hang out. I still like to laugh and feel like part of the group. I still like to go shopping and out to dinner. I still like to joke around in group texts. I’m still me. I’m pregnant not dying. I can still do the same things I did before. Don’t exile me because you don’t understand.
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To the Turpin children: You may not know who I am, but I have been praying for you the moment I heard your names. The world may have moved on, but your story is just beginning. I know because I have been there. I have been in a place where I did not know how to move forward and begin my life much later than I should have. I know that this is just the beginning on a road to a happier and brighter future, and I know while some days may seem like a struggle to get through, each day brings with it a new sense of hope. It will slowly get easier, and one day without even knowing it, you will be the person you always wanted to be. I know there may be does you will be plagued with the question of “why?” Why did this happen? Why me? Why? And while you may never have the answers you...
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I hate you and your guts. You are the worst father in history. Not the worst. No. You're the worst father among the decent ones. You're no murderer. You're no thief. Literally not. Figuratively yes. You poison our minds. Your cynicism, your negativity, your judgmental mind, your evil thoughts. It's all poison. Stop talking please. I hate you and your guts. You are the worst father in history (of the decent ones). I'm no poet. I just hate my father's guts.
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Dear Meth, You seduced my sweet son when he was 23 years old. With your promise of ecstasy, you swept him up into your arms where he's clung to you for the past 15 years. Oh yes, there were times he turned his back on you and stayed away for several years at a time. But you were always there. A shadow lurking behind him just waiting for a moment of boredom or a life setback when you would whisper sweet nothings into his ear coaxing him to make love to you just one more time. You promise him love and give him destruction. He believes you are like the oxygen he breathes, necessary for life. He will lie for you, steal for you and turn his back on the people who love him to keep you pumping through his veins. You have hijacked his soul leaving him hopeless with only your empty...
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Let me start off by saying this letter is not intended to "get at you". I am just hoping that you haven't realized your actions or lack thereof. When your grandchild was just an infant I understood when you never had any one-on-one time together (infants can be scary), but now your grandchild is a toddler and more capable of doing things. I clearly see the relationship you have with your first grandchild and can't help but wonder why no effort is made for your other grandchild. Your grandbaby has no idea who you are. Yes, you were there to visit the day he was born. Yes, you were there for his first birthday. I would love to use excuses such a you live far away or that your career keeps you so busy that you dont have much free time. Sadly thats not true, your job is close to our home and...
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Dear son, I find it very difficult to write this letter to you, especially since we've never had the opportunity to meet, but I want you to have the opportunity to know a little bit about me. I am a Veteran of the Armed Forces, honorably discharged after 6 years. I am a musician, guitar mainly. I also ride motorcycles and I enjoy making people laugh, and I love to hunt and fish. I am also a husband and a father(which brings me to the hardest part, the truth). I met your mom 3 years before you were born, while I was in the military. I cannot tell you that everything was great because it wasn't. I can, and will, tell you that we both made mistakes. Since I was in the military they could send me anywhere they wanted and they did. In August before you were born I got orders to go...
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I want you to know that I am not going to replace you or attempt to try. That isn’t my job. That isn’t what I want. I am not the mother of these children but I will be helping raise them via their father. I would rather be a friend or an auntie to them. They are sweet, smart, beautiful children and I understand your fears as a mother as I am one myself. The last thing I want is to overstep any boundaries, but I want you to know that I will love them, and be there for them, to tuck them into bed and for them to have someone to turn to. I will treat them as if they are my own and love them just as much. But you need to understand we are now a blended family and you are part of that too and while we don’t need to be friends or even get along, we need to be civil for the children. It...
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