Family

An open letter to my kids, “My kids are growing up and I’m missing it.” This is the main thought running through my mind every single day lately. As parents we do our best to make sure you guys are home with one of us, always. This means working opposite shifts. Daddy is on steady day shifts. Mommy is on steady afternoon shifts. We have different days off and we do it because it’s what works for our family. But let me tell you something, I miss you. I miss you more than you can imagine. Mornings of chaos are what I live for right now. When I wake you for school and beg you to get your butts out of bed to get ready. The moments when I repeat your names for what feels like the 100th time in five minutes. The moments when I run around gathering school uniforms and preparing...
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To whom it may concern, A few times throughout my life I was asked to express my hardships and the obstacles I’ve been asked to jump over the course of my 17 year old life. I brainstormed things like my big brother leaving me for college, my parents divorce, the loss of my grandfather due to a heart condition, breast cancer taking away my grandmother or even addiction taking over my cousins body. However, one thing seemed to stand out more than others. Now some say I have it lucky, my father is still in the picture, while other children do not have any idea who their father is. I would’t call it luck, far from it actually. My father may make an appearance in the perfect picture I have drawn of my life, however, the garden snake seems to be a more accurate drawing of him than his...
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Oh no. A letter from "the crazy daughter that hates us" That's all I am to the man that you guys call father. That's all I am to all of you. Maybe I can take you guys on a trip down memory lane. Maybe you'll understand my pain. I scroll through my time line and come across pictures of my "dad" at chuck E cheeses, with kids who aren't even his. You say I feel jealousy, I say I feel hurt. I feel sadness. Ask him when he ever took me, or my brother. I see you guys living in a HUGE, nice house. Care to know where I lived? My brother and I lived in a bug infested duplex, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Now don't take this wrong, my mom tried. She tried damn hard. She had nobody though. We made do, while I watch you live in luxery. I see that my dad takes you...
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Dear Daddy, I miss you, but you don't miss me. You don't call, you don't text, you don't reach out. You and I chose to lead separate lives but for what? What good came out of our decision? I wonder what my life would be like right now if we hadn't cut ties, if you would have just reached out. I miss you daddy. I miss you when I'm sad and I don't have your shoulder to cry on. I miss you when I'm happy and I can't tell you the good news. I miss you when I'm depressed because I know you could fix it. Also I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to be this way. I'm sorry that you things didn't work out and you felt the need to move on. I'm sorry that growing up other things occupied your time and you couldn't see us. I'm sorry that we weren't good enough for you. I'm sorry that I moved away....
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My boyfriend is an angel. For eighteen months he lived with his Grandma, Linda, her four dogs and one cat. When her time came, it came swiftly. Linda was a tough woman with a big heart and a beautiful sense of humor. Rather than a wake, it was her wish for her family to have a comedy roast for her. I never actually met Linda but I knew I would have liked her very much based on her last wishes. My boyfriend has lived in her former home and cared for her babies. Unfortunately, my boyfriend works six days a week and is still recovering from grief. His family is finally selling the house and will close escrow in a month and a half. The thought of these sweet dogs ending up in a shelter because everyone was either too busy or still grieving broke my heart. When his Aunt came out to tie up...
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I have a lot of cousins, but I’m really close to my mom’s sister’s kids. There is a girl and a boy. They would come down from where they lived every summer and every Christmas. Until recently I always dread them coming down or is going up there to visit them because my cousin that’s a boy molested me when I was 6. I remember the day it happened, I had done something I was told to stop doing and I started doing it again, and he told me he wouldn’t say anything to my mom if I let him do something. I was young and didn’t know what he meant. So he would put his hand down my pants while we were in the living room at night, he would put his hand down there for a long time and would rub and finger and do nasty stuff that younger me didn’t know what it was, I remember the first night it happened...
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I just watched an episode of Fresh Off The Boat. The Grandma had challenged the self perception of the oldest son by comparing him to the "soft" rapper out of the mixed tape of rap that he had created to "ease" her into rap music so that she would be able to enjoy it with him. When he denied her comparative analysis vehemently, she reminded him that he "freaks out" when the gas tank is half empty. The episode concluded this story line with the oldest son taking the car out on his permit license without his grandmother while his parents were out of town on vacation. As you may have already surmised, he ran out of gas trying to prove his grandma wrong and had to walk home. Upon his arrival, his grandma was there waiting for him in the driveway. The oldest son confessed what had happened...
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It has been several years since your father and I split. But I want you to know I think about you every day. I miss you all the time. I worry about you. I stalk your dad’s facebook just to see if he posts any pictures of you. Much to my disappointment, he rarely does. But from what I have gathered you just keep getting taller, and your hair keeps getting shorter and with many different colors. You have grown into a young lady. But I will always remember you as the little girl that always wanted me to tuck her in, and give her a million hugs. The little girl that never forgot to say “I love you!” before hopping out of the car at parent drop off. The little girl that turned our living room into a giant fort with me... our selfies... our at home spa day... the homework and library...
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I still remember it, I really do. No matter how many times you pull your hair out over my forgetfulness, I remember walking to the supermarket with both your hands in mine. I remember the gentle laughs and encouraging smiles you shared with me as you left me on my first day of school. I don't want to feel like the bad guy. That's why I hold on to the things that matter and never let go, so no one tells me I didn't care enough to even try. But now when I recall those memories it feels like a punch in the stomach. If only you knew that I locked the bathroom door and cried whenever you criticized me. If only you knew that the countless hours I poured into looking for counseling chat hotlines that didn't cost a penny. If only you knew how isolated I feel, knowing that how much I try, it feels...
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So, living in a middle class family... it's pretty hard to meet up to their expectations. Everyone is either a cashier in an average supermarket trying to feed her babies, a physical therapist who have no dreams to have her own family rather than from where she started , a 19 year old boy who's working for himself only. I was so left out even when I was a child. Its devastating to lose your huge mansion, stable future and your parents at the same time. Living all with my siblings and an abusive guardian while my parents were working hard for us to be able to go to school... it was tough. Being the spoiled kid that I am, i wasnt satisfied of the life I was having at the moment. I wasnt just like my siblings who dreamt of one thing since they were children. I had one that I actually love...
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