Another year has gone by and I have still not contacted you. The last time we saw each other was when Matilda started school and we all were out to lunch.
There had been a few situations that really irritated me about your attitude towards me and my life and I guess your comments on the fire in our town where foreigners were targeted and my comment that I am not doing anything about this got us into the situation again where you could not understand my standpoint of living in a small town with conservative people opposed to you living in Berlin, a very diverse and tolerant BIG city.
After this I decided that I will not let myself get irritated by you anymore, which means having as little to do with you as possible.
Do you remember a few years ago when we went away for a few days to Rügen and how you corrected me when I asked something about your "iphone" that it is a smart phone and not an iphone. At that time I did not have one myself so as far as I was concerned every smart phone was an iphone. I made the same mistake a second time and unfortunately in the cafe a third time calling your smart phone an iphone again. Your reaction of yelling at me was really over the top. I wish you would talk to me about what it is that really bothers you about me instead of going over the top over something so trivial.
On the way home - you went per rail to Berlin - I drove the car back to my village, I could hardly drive because I was crying so much. If I hadn't stopped to take a break I think I would have taken the next tree and killed myself.
You remember me as the person I was when you were a child and a teenager. Five years of single motherhood then the move to Germany. All too much for me at the time with all my private problems. I was not a good mum, and yes I did yell a lot and put you down and I did chase you with a slipper in my hand.
It took a long time for me to get to where I am now, a loving grandmother of two great kids who finally got herself together.
You're a psychologist now and I am so sorry that you have not managed to bury the grudge you have against me. No-one can take that away from you, only you can decide to let it go and take me as I am NOW.
After me letting the grudge go against my own mum, we had 10 good years communicating. It would be nice if we could manage that too, time is running out with me turning 70 soon.
