Family

Dear Ethan, As I look at your baby photos I can't help but think how did we get here? How is it possible that you're now 10 years old. How did 10 years pass so dang fast? I have fully enjoyed this beautiful adventure as your mother. I have loved guiding you through life and being able to love and encourage you along the way. I know you are not perfect but in my eyes your so amazing! From the moment I held you and looked into your eyes I knew this life would be full of adventures. I admire your imagination and creative mind. You have always been such a smart little boy. You have a love for animals that is so sweet and kind. I am so proud that you have chosen to follow God and I am grateful he chose you to be my first born! I fear how fast these next 10 years will go by so fast but...
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I have always given you the opportunity to see her as much or as little as you would like, from the very beginning. YOU have chosen to play some fucked up game of manipulation with my sick child and its deplorable. Its not up to me when you decide to see her, contact me about seeing her, or about anything else for that matter. I cannot make you be a good person, nor do I have to hold your hand and teach you how to be parents. She is a smart kid, no thanks to you, and she sees right though your shit. You are right, you don't know if I want you to contact me. Obviously after what you two did, I would happy if I never saw your faces again. But no worries, I will be the grown-up and DEAL with you because it is what is in the best interest of my child. Whatever you are trying to do, it...
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When you're younger all you know is what your parents tell you. And that's okay. But then you grow up and your start looking at things in a different perspective, your own. As I was growing up I knew exactly what would happen to me. I'd graduate high school, go to college (10 minutes from the house bc that is as far as I was allowed to go), and then get married. When I was 19/20 that was all I wanted. But that's bc I didn't know what I wanted to do with school and I knew the only way out was through marriage. But everyone that ask for my hand in marriage wasn't right for me. To be honest I was way out of their league. And this is why they thought they could have me 1) I don't speak Arabic 2) I know nothing about the religion/culture 3) I don't come from a wealthy family 5) they knew no...
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Before I say anything, I just want to say that I love you so much. I can't live or imagine my life without you. We met when we were little and we are still here, together. We are now seniors in high school. Soon we will be going out and living in the real world. The future holds many uncertain things, but the one thing that I know for sure is that we will always be best friends. I think that one of the things that attracted to each other was that we were both outsiders. I have never been the popular one and I have never had a lot of friends. We are both very weird, half the time when people see us together, they wonder how two people like us exist. That's why I love being with you. You accept me for who I am and is not afraid to tell me when I am wrong and to put me in my place. We...
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So i as going to start this letter off by say something completely ignorant .. but I'm better than that so we will start with something else. Sunday, January 12th 1975 ... you gave birth to a little redheaded girl.. No other children yet, but I believe a few miscarriages before this baby girl...one would think two parents would be ecstatic... I never could sit back and really put much thought into it, I'm guessing because I was young, and didn't have children of my own yet.. But now at the age of 42, I have raised the most beautiful, kind hearted, perfect soul that I could ever have dreamed of having the honour of parenting. As we get ready for her to go off to University in August, I see her dad and I struggling tremendously, with the thought of not having our baby girl around all...
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To my Birth Parents: Hi. I have no idea how to address you properly. You are just strangers to me after all, just some people I've only ever heard about in stories. This letter started out in resentment, anger, frustration, but then I took a look at my life and I realized I can't be angry at you because you gave me away, and for that I thank you. This letter is for you, my family, and for me as well. I'm writing this letter now out of thanks and maybe hoping one day you will understand why I never want to meet you. I hope you understand. Almost 20 years ago you changed my entire life. You gave me away, and I'm hoping, on that day that you knew you were giving me away to the most caring and strong people. That day not only changed my life but many others. I got the future I knew I...
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"Mom", Giving birth makes a woman a mother. But it doesn't mean she is a real mother. What did you do when I was born? Were you happy? Did you care? Why didn't you show me love? I don't remember you saying "I love you". I don't remember you ever being proud of me. I don't even remember hugs. But I guess when you're treated like dirt and emotionally neglected for over half your life, you tend to forget anything good that ever happened. Why didn't you leave? You've used the excuse of being afraid he would take us or you said that you stayed because of us. So...you stayed so we could be abused even more? Sorry. That makes no sense at all. Why weren't you there for me? Yes, you were physically in my life but you weren't THERE for me. Remember when I won that award in high...
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Since the day I read LysaTerKeurst's blog post publicly posting her pain, anguish, humiliation and grief due to the circumstances surrounding her separation from her husband, my heart has literally hurt for her. She could be anyone of us, including those women that are asking her to step down from her position of President of Proverbs 31 Ministries. I am not a leader in the Christian world. But I am a follower of Christ. And I am a woman. I am a wife and mother. And I have walked her pain. I wish I could take her into my living room, offer her a blanket, a cup of hot tea and just my presence so she knows that she isn't alone. There are many of us betrayed spouses out there. It is an unfathomable pain that no one can ever know unless you have been there. Statistics show...
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YOU MISSED OUT There was a time when I thought that love ruled all. It was a time when I believed in promises and the people who made them. Words held as much value as action. I had dreams and you were a part of those dreams. I dreamt of a family and a husband who loved me as much as I loved him. I was going to get married, have children and be the best wife and mother I could be. So, when I met you and you promised all of those things, I believed you. We got married. You kicked butt at your career. And I followed you around the world, raising our sweet, smart, head-strong little boy. It’s been almost 10 years since I sat across from my friend, in a German cafe, talking about our failing marriage. That day, I came to the terrifying, yet liberating realization that you...
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It's been three years now. Three years of recovering from a brutal divorce and custody battle. A battle I did not win. A battle I sometimes feel I lost not only for me, but my children. Once a week I gather up my kids and prepare them to leave me for 3 to 4 days. When it first began I always felt like I was dressing them and preparing us for some horrible event we wouldn't come back from. I would almost always cry after they left and I would sit in their rooms and stare at their stuff as if I had lost them forever. Sometimes I still do. When they leave on bad behavior it's even harder. I have guilt that rides in my stomach until they come home. A guilt that makes me question my mothering the entire time they are away from me. Then there is the question. The dreaded question I have grown...
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