You Bastard!

Please note, I am not a native speaker so I do apologize for mistakes. Today, I went to the shop nearby to top up my oyster in Brockley (London). I really liked this shop as it is close to us, the staff were welcoming and friendly and also the post office is there (all in one). But the sale assistant has broken me in pieces today. This man who sees me every single day..., I went to pick stuffs up 2-3x a week... I never paid high amounts but I was really satisfied with them, so I choose them even if I knew the shop next to them sells the same product cheaper. Until now.... My husband was a bit tired and I have decided to surprise him with his favorite chocolate and a drink today. So I bought a kinder and a mango Rubicon and topped up my oyster. After this while I was...
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I want to thank you. Because of you I have 100% SOLE custody of my kids. Because of you my ex-husband lost any and all hope of being with his kids… he was so concerned about being an “amazing boyfriend” that he was a horrible father. He never calls his kids… he never asks about them… he never visits them… and basically acts as if they don’t exist. I truly hope he knows that he lost everything because of you. Well he lost everything because of his actions AND your support... so you're both to blame, but he can thank you for all of your assistance in his self-sabotage.  You can lie in court, you can tell your pathetic story to whomever will listen, but I know the real truth. I know way more than you think... so all the false truths you tell, just know that I know the real truth. I know...
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To the Boy Who Has my Heart, I hate you. I hate you because it has been 9 months since you left me. 303 days to be exact. I remember that day so well, it was both of my sister's birthday, they're not twins, 7 years apart exactly but that's off topic. I remember going into my room because you asked to call, you always made me smile no matter what, I could not wait to talk to you. That's when you told me,"Hey, I don't think this is working out, I don't think this is right". I mean, how could it be right? I was finally happy, but that's not how life works. It's been a constant hell since that day. You know that of course. The last time we spoke was 217 days ago, or 7 months ago, I know you remember that. I had alcohol poisoning and for hours the only thing I could scream was your...
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You say victims of rape are "asking for it." Was I asking for it? I was twelve years old, he was sixteen. I was wearing modest clothing, jeans and a t-shirt. I had NO IDEA what could happen. I mean, I was just in the 7th grade. Was I young? Yes. Was I naive? Sure, don't doubt it. But was I asking for it? Hell. NO. "But you liked him..." And that somehow magically gave him permission to force himself upon me? Yeah, no. "You went off with him though..." Yes, I did, but had I known what he was planning, I never would have gone. And yes, I said planning. You see, he had done this before (I didn't know at the time). Also, I would later find out, he would do this again. If you still think I was "asking for it," I want you think about this: Was I asking for the PTSD that I...
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Dear N Hell is a real place! It is not just an abstract concept, a metaphor or something made up to scare...hell is the place at your side, darling. Hell is being your partner, hell is living with you and being "loved" by you. Writing this, I can still hear your voice in my head, the voice you always used when making snide, hurtful comments and judgements about me, my character, my person, about those I love and hold dearly. I have still flashbacks of the all-encompassing despair engulfing me, paralyzing me, haunting me while living with you. Let's talk about boundaries, darling. I had none. Before you, I was an empath with no firm boundaries in place, always going overboard to accommodate and be understanding and willing to bend whatever personal boundaries I had in place....
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This letter is to a boy, not a man...a boy. This is to the boy who told me I was the only one he wanted. The boy who always told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he could never be attracted to anyone else. To the boy who told me that the girl he cheated on me with was a dumpy, unattractive friend like a brother. This is to you. You, the liar. The liar who told me that all my past relationships were manipulative and gross and that you would never be like that...but you were. Always telling me subtly what not to wear, how not to look and how not to act when around others. I couldn't have fun without you asking me questions of who, what, where, why...but when I did the same, I was just being invasive and jealous. You, the liar, who told me that you...
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I now understand. I now understand why you left me. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you bad mouthed your first wife. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you cleaned out our bank accounts. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you went on a spending spree. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you text my friends. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you lied to anyone who would listen. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you rejected your children. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you lied to your solicitor. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you lied to your barrister. It had nothing to do with me. I now understand why you lied to the...
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Hello friend. I must say I haven’t missed you. Even though I created you and you are only a voice in my head. It has been a while since I spoke to you. It’s hard but there are things I need to get off my chest. For a while I haven’t been able to hear from you. Amidst a false clarity from the ironic cloud alcohol and narcotics provide, I seem to have lost touch with you. But in my sobriety I can tell that you are there, reading this. I know because I can hear you. I hear you speak the words as I type. I hear it in my head. It’s funny how life seems to work. Not in reality, but in my head. Because in my head I make up these false ideas and perceptions of what life is even though they may not accurately reflect what actually ‘is’. It’s my perspective. But if that is only how I perceive it,...
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Dear N Before we became a couple, I had known you half of my life and I trusted you. You were a friend, not a close friend, but a friend nonetheless. You had been in love with me (or so you said) for more than twenty years. You put me on a pedestal, I felt flattered.. 5 years ago I was vulnerable and sad and I felt lost and stuck. You came swooshing in, sweeping me off my feet in a whirlwind courtship. You proposed marriage and an exciting life together, a life you had been waiting for, longing for. I was ready! Finally ready. Your sense of urgency was romantic and it felt so right, you know? I wanted to drastically change my life and you had been in my life so long, a trusted companion and amazing lover. You were exuberant like a child before Christmas and I felt safe because I knew...
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Every July 15th we relive the worst day of our life. This year will be the 10th time that we relive and remember the horrific events of that day. The day that you murdered my sister. The day you murdered Shea, Ryan and Jordyn’s mother. She was having a great day, enjoying the warm weather, swimming with the kids and her best friend. She was enjoying her independence after ending the relationship with you. She no longer wanted any parts of your jealous, possessive and manipulative behavior. She was a very strong, confident and independent career woman who did not need or want to be in a relationship that showed such obvious red flags. But despite the break up, that day consisted of non-stop phone calls from you over and over and over again. Knowing that she would never have any...
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