You Bastard!

I want to thank you. Because of you I have 100% SOLE custody of my kids. Because of you my ex-husband lost any and all hope of being with his kids… he was so concerned about being an “amazing boyfriend” that he was a horrible father. He never calls his kids… he never asks about them… he never visits them… and basically acts as if they don’t exist. I truly hope he knows that he lost everything because of you. Well he lost everything because of his actions AND your support... so you're both to blame, but he can thank you for all of your assistance in his self-sabotage.  You can lie in court, you can tell your pathetic story to whomever will listen, but I know the real truth. I know way more than you think... so all the false truths you tell, just know that I know the real truth. I know...

You say victims of rape are "asking for it." Was I asking for it? I was twelve years old, he was sixteen. I was wearing modest clothing, jeans and a t-shirt. I had NO IDEA what could happen. I mean, I was just in the 7th grade. Was I young? Yes. Was I naive? Sure, don't doubt it. But was I asking for it? Hell. NO. "But you liked him..." And that somehow magically gave him permission to force himself upon me? Yeah, no. "You went off with him though..." Yes, I did, but had I known what he was planning, I never would have gone. And yes, I said planning. You see, he had done this before (I didn't know at the time). Also, I would later find out, he would do this again. If you still think I was "asking for it," I want you think about this: Was I asking for the PTSD that I...

This letter is to a boy, not a man...a boy. This is to the boy who told me I was the only one he wanted. The boy who always told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he could never be attracted to anyone else. To the boy who told me that the girl he cheated on me with was a dumpy, unattractive friend like a brother. This is to you. You, the liar. The liar who told me that all my past relationships were manipulative and gross and that you would never be like that...but you were. Always telling me subtly what not to wear, how not to look and how not to act when around others. I couldn't have fun without you asking me questions of who, what, where, why...but when I did the same, I was just being invasive and jealous. You, the liar, who told me that you...

Hello friend. I must say I haven’t missed you. Even though I created you and you are only a voice in my head. It has been a while since I spoke to you. It’s hard but there are things I need to get off my chest. For a while I haven’t been able to hear from you. Amidst a false clarity from the ironic cloud alcohol and narcotics provide, I seem to have lost touch with you. But in my sobriety I can tell that you are there, reading this. I know because I can hear you. I hear you speak the words as I type. I hear it in my head. It’s funny how life seems to work. Not in reality, but in my head. Because in my head I make up these false ideas and perceptions of what life is even though they may not accurately reflect what actually ‘is’. It’s my perspective. But if that is only how I perceive it,...