You Bastard!

There are many of you. Some of you know me. Some of you don’t. You don’t know each other, but you all have something in common. You have had sex with my husband while he was married to me. Some of you were one night stands. He told elaborate tales of how he had just come back from war. In reality he was living off of me at the time and had never deployed and got kicked out of the Air Force after three years because he had a hard time following orders. Some of you knew me. He spun tall tales about how I was mean to him. In reality, I did everything for him. He contributed nothing. He couldn’t even get himself to work on time and would get angry when I woke him in the mornings. I knew he flirted, but I wanted so desperately to believe that his words were true. “I would...
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To the boy who broke my soul by publicly humiliating me in the most personal way. Sharing the pictures of sandwiches and comparing them to my woman parts has scarred me in more ways than you could ever imagine. I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep for weeks, maybe months. I just kept replaying those pictures, words, your friends all laughing on social media. It's been a year and I still hate myself. I will never look at myself the same. I can't enjoy sleeping with my boyfriend for the fear he is grossed out touching me, seeing me, thinking about me. It makes me tear up everytime afterward. I can't even bring it up to him because I'm too embarrassed. You've ruined me and the view of myself. It's lead to seeing all the flaws in my body. It makes me physically sick. I feel ugly. My chest gets...
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My Open Letter To The #Stanfordrapist, His Father and Judge Aaron Persky: Dear #BrockAllenTurner #DanTurner #JudgeAaronPersky I’ve been raped and sexuatlly assaulted, two of those times I was unconscious. These gross acts were done by people I knew. I was sexuatlly assaulted by a family member when I was a kid on a family vacation, not even a teenager at that age and hadn’t even had my first period. I caught them in the act when I awoke to them leaving my bedside. And afterward I couldn’t sleep…for years and still till this day at soon to be 30 years old. For about 20 years now I haven’t been able to sleep. All I could think about, was when I closed my eyes, apparently my body no longer belonged to me. Someone thought it was OK to do things to it while I was unconscious. Sleep now...
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You don't deserve an opening line. You destroyed my life since I was 8 years old. I was a child, whether I was your biological child or not, I was a helpless child. While you never laid a hand on me, the emotional scars you left, were quite possibly worse. When I witnessed you abuse my mom, starting at a young age, that burned holes in my soul. I will never forget the night you dragged my mom down the stairs by her hair, when you got to the bottom you choked her. I will never get that image out of my brain even if I burned it with bleach. I thought that was the worst of it, little did I know. This went on for years and years. I watched you abuse her countless times, and while you never touched me, your words that you would say to me were worse than poison. As I have aged...
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Dear All, I'd name you all, but I fear I would run out of room. I'd like to think you would see this, read it all, and know I'm talking about you. But you won't. You were nasty, nasty people. Eight years, you put me through hell. You didn't all know each other - I think you'd all get along swimmingly, encouraged by a mutual dislike of me. You suit each other, I guess. When I was eleven, some of you told me to kill myself. One of you threw a pencil in my eye like a javelin and nearly blinded me. Most of you called me ugly, fat. You teased my clothes, my hair. You laughed because I was intelligent. That was the first half of you, which continued until I was fourteen. Then came the rest of you. The names got worse as we grew older. You mocked me on social media and made...
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To my Mom's Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis: I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what my life might be like if my mom didn’t have you. Or, I should say, if you didn't have my mom. Would I be closer with her? Would we do more things together? Would we take trips, see broadway shows or go shopping together? I have no idea how life might be if you weren't always around. But I do know how your presence has changed me. I’m a lot sadder than I used to be. I like to think of myself as a fairly optimistic person, but truthfully, you've made me a lot darker inside. You've hardened me and made me feel more sad than I ever have been before. You're heavy and burdensome, but I'm always carrying you with me. I judge people more quickly. I get angry at people who take important...
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*This isn't for my benefit. This isn't to get attention or for people to feel sorry for me. This is an important topic that doesn't get talked about enough, so many people like myself suffer in silence and guilt for too long before they get out, if they ever get out. This letter is for everyone suffering in silence, to let you know that you aren't alone and that you aren't dramatic or crazy and that you can get out.* Abuse. A five letter word no one wants to hear, a word that resonates so deeply with so many people. When you think about abuse you most often think about a child or a woman hiding bruises and making excuses, or an angry boyfriend or parent beating the victim senseless. But after my freshman year of college I know abuse can be and is so much more than a physical trauma. In...
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To My Abuser; It may seem strange that I’m writing to you at all. I doubt that you’ve given me much thought in the time that has passed since I decided to say goodbye to you for good. Maybe you do, but you’ve probably moved on much quicker than I was able to. After all, you weren’t the one who had to deal with the mess that you made; you weren’t the one who had to put me back together. So, yes; I have thought about you a lot since our relationship has ended. No, don’t flatter yourself. None of these thoughts have been good. Mostly they’ve been along the lines of me hating you for every single thing that you are, and every single thing that you’ve done to me. Other times it has been hatred for myself. I hate that I gave parts of me to you that should be reserved for someone who truly...
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You were my hero. My night in shining armor. You were gunna walk me down the isle at my wedding. You were supposed to be my best friend. But it turns out that I was just a lonely kid making up these things in her head. Because I now realize you are a coward. Pathetic even! You were supposed to protect us from anything and everything. But it turns out you were too busy staying at your girlfriends house or too busy allowing these things to happen under the same roof we slept! I was molested EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY and I used to watch my sister get beat almost every night and the man who was supposed to help and save the day was stealing our things from us and bringing them to his girlfriends house. You were never there. I found comfort in being molested because SOMEONE WANTED ME.. how...
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“Dad”, I’ve got to say you have to be the one person who has hurt me the most yet you aren’t even a part of my life. You were the first man I called Dad, but you certainly did not earn that. I guess that’s what hurts the most. You were never there for me, and you are the one person in life who is supposed to be. I was supposed to be “daddy’s little princess” or “daddy’s little girl”, but you never gave me the chance to be. I am now nearly eighteen years old and the only thing you’ve ever given me is a broken heart. You were supposed to be my dad, the one person I can go to with all of my problems. The person that keeps me from harm. You missed seeing me grow up. You missed four birthdays, four Christmases, when I got my driver's license, and most likely you will not only miss...
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