You Bastard!

I spent the first few months wondering “how” and “why” and in all my searches, I eventually uncovered that it doesn’t matter. I think from day one, I was in love with the idea of who you could be and what we could be, and unfortunately I took that and ran with it. I never took the time to truly get to know the real you and fall for that person. I probably never would have fallen in love with your anxious, jealous, manipulative behaviour. I spent so many months wondering “did he ever really love me?”, and now I find myself wondering if I ever really loved you. At first, I thought about the years we spent together and how much time I’d invested or wasted with you. As time went on I realized that my life in no way stopped when I was with you. Being with such a neglectful person gave...
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Our story was typical. We met through snap-chat and we took a chance and met. At the senior night basketball game at my school. You were from a small Missouri town 20 minutes away. You were exactly who you said you were and I was so excited! You were so sweet and proper. I couldn't be more excited. Everything that night left me thinking of how lucky I was to get this kind of fairy tale. You kissed me at the end of the night. I remember thinking "holy crap" that's how I've always wanted to be kissed. I could of stood there in the parking lot and kissed you all night. But I don't think our parents would have liked that very much. So when I was driving home all I could think about was how much I liked you. We later made plans to meet up again. Only this time. I met your parents and and your...
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You should have told me you are going to shut off from my life so that I no longer have to deep in my self for the thousands of what if’s and just move on and let go from hurtful truth.
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To the person who molested me. Why? At what point did you ever think it was okay touch me? At what point did my quiet, broken no become a yes to your ears? At what point did it become okay for you to sneak into my room night after night. I was only thirteen. I had never even kissed a boy. And you made me never want to. You made me terrified of the opposite sex. You made me lose sleep almost constantly for seven years. Your face still haunts me, even after all this time. I finally found someone who I cared enough to get close to. Someone who I trusted enough to try and pick up the broken pieces of me and patch them back together. And he is amazing. And because of you, I wake up terrified in the middle of the night, fighting to get away from him. Not because he scares me. But...
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Every night, I miss you. Every day, every passing moment, I miss you. You are always in my mind and I really cannot get you out of it. It seems like you live in the depths of me. You are inhabiting me. But that was the last time. I swore to myself that I will never think of you. It was hard but through Him, I eventually succeeded. Even though you are happy now, I want to thank you for making me happy on the days I felt down. Thank you for teaching me the real meaning of friendship. Thank you for telling that to my face. Thank you for treating me like a friend, because I am your friend and that will never change. Even if I have fallen for you, I am still a friend. You wanted something from me that I could never give. You wanted my virginity. You told me all those...
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Where is the justice for not only my children but every child who is a shell of their former selves? Did you once stop and think what you might be doing to this child's life you are about to change forever? Did you ever stop to think why you are doing what you're doing? Did you ever stop to think that your actions will have lifelong repercussions for this child who's innocence you are about to destroy? Did you ever once stop to think how you got to this dark place? Unless, you don't feel it is wrong then, that just makes you dangerous and a psychopath. As human beings we are all capable of going to dark places; It is a choice. Evil is at the very heart of your actions. To make a conscious decision to harm a child is beyond comprehension to the human instinct to protect and keep...
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You never cared. I loved you and wanted to spend every second with you. When you did something right, I loved you even more. And when you did something wrong, I still loved you. I took very much time out of my life for you, and I appreciated every second I had with you. From the beginning, I thought you felt the same. I thought you loved me, cared about me, appreciated me, and wanted me. But, you didnt. You put on a show. You lied, cheated, and didn't take responsibility for your actions. I wanted the best for you, and I wanted to help you through anything! You never loved me or cared about what I wanted. You never truly appreciated my huge heart. You never cared if you hurt me. You never appreciated the time we had together that God blessed us with. You used me! And I'm hurt...
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I don't hate you. I used to. I used to wish I'd open the paper and find that you'd overdosed or been killed. I held so much hate inside of me that I couldn't see anything else except the bad that you had done. I used to find myself up at 3am, breast feeding my son, thinking of how you were most likely partying, or taking care of another woman's children, and I felt rage inside of myself. I was so blinded by this rage that I couldn't do anything else except hate you. I wasn't mad for what WE weren't; I was mad for my son, and let me tell you, there is no feeling that can mirror a mother's rage when someone has wronged their child. I don't know exactly when this stopped. I can't pinpoint a specific day or a certain event where I just stopped hating you. It was a mixture of events...
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An open letter to the boy who played me: You started off as just another kid that I passed in the halls unknowingly. Then you became one of my brothers best friends. Afterwards, we got closer and we started talking more and more. I started to have feelings for you, but kept them to myself not knowing how you felt. After a few weeks you started dropping hints. We flirted, laughed, spent a lot of time together (I even cancelled plans for you), and we were hitting it off very well. Or so I thought. Your texts suddenly got less and less frequent. You started ignoring my messages unless they were beneficial to you. I was now starting all of our conversations, if we had one. I stopped initiating conversations as often and then not at all. We haven't talked since then. I started to...
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Dear everyone who bullied me over Twitter in November, I made a mistake by letting a boy three years older than me kiss me. I did have a boyfriend at the time and I still do because it was a mistake. Do you think it was your place to go over Twitter and expose me to EVERYONE that goes to our tiny school? No it wasn't your place. You had me embarrassed to even walk out of my house. You got the entire school to make fun of me and now I have almost no friends because of you. I hope you realize that you are so cruel to do that to me and several other people. You think just because you're older you can go around making other people feel bad about themselves? It's completely wrong. I hate you and everyone I know hates you. You're 18 years old so what are you getting out of bullying a 15...
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