Dear you,
I remember hearing about you before I had dated him. I remember how he would call me and tell me how you had been screaming at him (again) and I remember how sad and frail he was when I first met him. How we grew into close-knit friends and how he shared secrets with me he wouldn't anyone else. Like that time you had tried to claw at his eyes during another fight or, how you had smacked him across the head with a beer bottle. Don't fret, he's mentioned good times as well. Like that time he tore his shirt trying to help your little sister over a fence because she wanted to go exploring. I remember when he had to leave and you made "love" to another man one week later. How does it feel to know that he smiles bigger and brighter than ever now? How does it feel to know you...
Broken Hearts
To you
I know you are hurting and I get that. I am in the same place too.
Trying to summon the strength in your legs to pull yourself out of your bed in the morning, just to sit and stare out of the window for what feels like hours. To find the words to greet everyone a ''good morning'' when all you really want is to be allowed to grieve and jump back into bed. Under the covers where you're safe - where you don't have to pretend.
Your days merge into an endless reel of up's and down's. Not up's as such - perhaps, mid's and low's is a better way of explaining it. Your friends must be sick of looking at your sleep-stolen bags under your tear soaked eyes, and your shoulders which never seem to be able to carry the burdens of your story. They keep telling you ''it'll get better''...
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I just have a small request.
A simple question that has been bothering me for months. It's been lying heavy on my heart and dragging down my shoulders. It's the fear in my eyes and the words I see leave my mind, but never my mouth. It's the dew on the morning grass and the wings on a butterfly. The waving of the trees as they sway in the winds and the roar of a lion so desperate to communicate. It's the worry that lives within me and the beads of sweat that perspire from my face. The grip of my fingers and the creases in my forehead.
You see, I've been told this many times.
'It gets better. It goes away. Over time you will be you again and you'll find the hole starts to fill up piece by piece.'
But the thing that keeps me awake and steals my sleep is this...
Will it?...
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Dear Mr P
You let me go and I get that. I really do. But what if I never love again. What if I never feel those butterflies whizzing round my insides and my head spinning and my hands trembling with passion again? What if this really was it and I have lost it so soon. I don't know how to live my life without you in it. How to walk through life without you as my shelter.
You showed me just how bright and colourful life could be but just as I got accustomed to this, you took it back out from under my feet. You broke the crayonsand rubbed out the colour from my world.
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I know that I have to forgive you, but i can not fucking forget. The harder i try, the worse it gets. So i guess here this goes.
I could go on about all the thing you "told me" and "promised me" but why bother, you should know, afterall you said them. But, despite all the shit we went through, when we found out I was pregnant, which came as no surprise seeing as you did nothing to prevent it, why didn't that mame you realize you needed to grow up? I understand we were babies ourself, 15 years old wasn't the age i seen myself pregnant. But it was all so real and happening. I know we weren't together, and that was okay, it was mutual. But reguardless of all the shit we went through, why leave her? Not her as in me, but her as in your daughter. The daughter that would have loved you...
14,371
Where could I begin?
I fell in love with you three years ago. And these past three years have been the most confusing and complicated years of my life. Luckily, I met you right in the mist of my teenage years, for that I am greatful. Although we did not work out, you have taught me many lessons as well as being my best friend through many hardships.
I realize who you are now is not who I thought you would've turned out to be. It's disappointing who you have grown into.. but I won't hold it against you right now. You're growing; learning.
I will always love you. In a way that is more genuine and kind than romantic. I will always care for you and of course pray for only the best circumstances. Being there for you in your time of loss was hard but also a huge lesson. I hope that I...
2,227
Mr 4,
You came for the interview and you got the job. I remember thinking you looked fun... someone I could take under my wing and teach the shortcuts to! Slowly ws started talking and I realised you were funny, charismatic, brilliant at your job and very much married. Over time we spent more time together and the evenings were spent chatting in corridors and laughing about day. It was only four months into worksheet that you started getting closer to me. Whispering into my ear when you spoke to me, looking deep into my eyes when you listened. A few more months past and you began to feel attracted to me in a way you made very clear. It was my hips that mesmerised you to begin with. You would watch me walk away from you, I could feel your eyes following me, your face light up every...
2,924
June 25, 2016, Saturday, 2:27 am
I can hear the light drops of the rain on the pavement outside of my room. The weather seems to mirror my feelings. Tears streaming down my face and I have never felt this empty. I keep reading that letter I wrote and it still gets me deep in my heart and causes all those painful tears. Crying myself to sleep has been a daily routine of mine for the past week. Sometimes I get those quiet sobs, but often I get that painful cry that gets me screaming. Screaming through the pillow, careful not to wake anyone and not to let anyone know about the pain I am feeling. Flashbacks of the happy times we had kept on flooding in my mind. The happy times that got me smiling for months suddenly became the cause of my grief. Those happy kisses, passionate make outs and...
4,560
5 months ago you first dm'd me on Instagram. At first I didn't think much of it. It was the typical "hey what's up what's your number", the same message I had received from countless guys. As we started texting, I still wasn't expecting that much. I was waiting for the day you ghosted me and I never heard from you again. However, that day never came.
Our first date what not at all what I expected. From the moment I got into your truck, I could feel the connection we had. Not once was there a moment of silence broken up by nervous laughter and a "so um what's up?" Our first date was nothing but stories and laughter. I will never forget laying in the bed of your truck during the break between the two movies, just talking and laughing, and the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at...
3,906
“Russian Roulette"
How did I manage to avoid this situation so many times previously? I left a trail of female hearts devastated, mangled, un-salvage-able in my wake. Not caring enough to turn back and assess the damage or help them climb out of the sad state I put them in. Did I just not care about them as much as I did you? Was it a familiarity thing? After all, we were together six years. Felt like 10 at the time we were dating. Now, it feels like we dated a few months that are as far away as my childhood. I can get glimpses, but never the full scene now. I wrote this to say, “I’m sorry”, to fully express how I felt/feel because I was so poor at it during our unceremonious, and at times, gut-wrenching, break-up.
But; there was definitely something different about you. I still can...
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