Broken Hearts

Dear You, I have unsuccessfully written you this letter in my head numerous times over the years. In the past, I was unable to put into words exactly what I wanted to say. I couldn't find the right words to say nor could I string together the right sentences to voice everything that was left unsaid between you and I even if you never read this. Initially, my letter to you was bitter, angry, and full of regrets. But with time, I came to terms with myself and the history we shared. Regardless of not ending up together like we once endlessly promised each other, you were a learning experience that taught me so much. And as time continued to pass, the wounds fully healed, and I realized that I owed you a thank you. I will forever cherish the memories we created together. You made me...
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This is my final communication ever. I was severely enraged during my last text messages to you, I will not act on showing your mother or anyone else the true you. I’m better than the anger and pain you cause. I do not apologize though, the same as you and if I decide to in the next month I won’t be contacting you or sending a text message. Seems fair for a month to go by and then send an apology, call in between work calls to confess you've been cheating and intimate with another woman, continue to lie or all of the other cruel actions you've chosen. See what was funny was I no longer cared, I was over your relationship with her; until last night when you started sending your sweet I was thinking of you, shopping for you, dressing you texts. That's when I connected it, sure enough your...
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I've been thinking during these past few days of not hearing from you after you had asked my permission that you will be busy for the weekend and will be with her because she's coming home for the next few days. In my desperation, I had realized that maybe we are soul mates after all. After having blocked you from everything, from my life and the internet, leaving no trace of you anywhere just to allow myself to wander awhile, I looked over all your "after me" posts for the first time. It is funny how we had bought clay for our children at a similar time. It is funny how I read all of C.S. Lewis' books when you had been calling your new love Lucy because you think she looks like her; to think that I loved Lucy best in his books and how moved I was by her love for Narnia and Aslan. It...
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"Love yourself girl or nobody will" I often feel like i might never be enough. Being a senior in high school and 18 years old now i often wonder why i have yet to be enough for someone to love me. I spend countless days thinking of diabolical plans to get you to notice me. I think of comments i could say to but in on conversations you might be having later on that week or even ways to catch your attention. Honestly i spend the majority of my time wondering what i can do to change your mind. And now i know I will always be enough and always have been enough. I know deep down youve caught my attention and i just didnt catch yours but thats okay! I know now that just because a boy doesnt come to me like they come to my friends or text me late at night because they want my attention...
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It was fun and easy. No strings. No attachment. Thats how it started at least. I denied the change for a long time. But i finally realized i was attached, and by then, it was too late. I was too far gone. I fell for you, and there wasnt anything i could do. And when i admitted it to you, you told me you had feelings too. Come to find out, these were just words to you. You just trying to make sure nothing changed between us. It took me 2 years. Almost 3 for me to finally say i couldnt play the games anymore. I couldnt be just your friend. Not even your lover. If you couldnt love me the way i loved you. You treated me like crap. You called me a whore. You called me a slut. You made it clear that i was nothing but a piece of meat to you. And even as you made no commitment to me, and you were...
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We were best friends for twelve years. Ever since you moved next door, we were hip to hip. I truly new what it was like to have someone I could tell anything and everything to.You showed me on how it felt to trust someone, wholeheartedly. Our friendship was the tightest it ever was 8th grade through about 2 months after freshman year. We went through so much together. The first day of highschool, we were in it together. Our first REAL boyfriends. Our first real heartaches. And you can't forget that freshman year drama. That was rough. But your were by my side through it all, you best believe if someone was messing with you, they were messing with me too and vise versa. We had so many stupid fights, but we could never stay mad.. We connected with each other on to many levels to...
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I am sorry. I am sorry that you do not understand what it is like to only confide in yourself. There is a constant battle, tearing me apart on the inside. The emotions I feel cannot be expressed to others simply because I have never learned to trust. Believe me when I say that I tried to trust, and over time my trust for you grew. But, the question always came back to haunt me: What happens after I tell you something that I have never told anyone else? Finally, that one person came along whom I’ve never felt happier with. That one person came who could pick me up when I was down. You were always there for me. Over time, as hard as it was, I told you things. In the midst of telling you, I cried. I stopped to leave the room, hating for you to see me like that. But, you waiting for me to...
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To my 'what if' I know you, I may not have known you long but I knew you long enough to know that you thought about me for more than a second when you decided it was her and not me. I want you to know it's okay you choose her. You were hers to begin with anyway. I won't pretend that it didn't hurt because truly it did, but here I am. I survived although I thought I wouldn't. You will forever be the guy I have those 'what if' moments for, you know the kind I'm talking about. Moments like When you're sitting there hurting because your significant other has made you feel worthless or when you feel like they is taking you for granted, which whoever it is will even if it is just once. I know you were confused. you had just broken up with this girl and there I was, trying to help you...
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Before I begin, I want to thank you. You still are my everything, you've given me so much that I will always cherish. You hold a special place with me. And I will never forget you. We had so many fond times together in Skype and texting. I tried to give you anything you possibly anything I could. I bought you games, and now I'm even buying you and your parents a house, all because I care about you, love you and want you to be happy. But you betrayed me, you could never choose between me or the other guy. and always led me to believe I would be the one to be chosen, and then he faded out of your life. I was the only one, or so I thought.. Then a few months later another guy comes along and now you want to date him, you want to say yes to him. and eventually you DID say yes to him....
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A week ago we were talking about forever, you were moving with me to Boston and we were going to be happy. Then Friday you ended it because you said you weren't happy. Monday we got back together. Today is Tuesday, we almost broke up again today but I gave up all of my morals and college dreams to convince you to try it for another week. Everyone is telling me I'm dumb and you don't want me but you're telling me you love me. You're also telling me you don't see us working out. You asked me not to text you as much and I respected it you asked me to let you smoke pot when you know that I am in an NJROTC program and if I get caught near weed my dreams are ruined. You know I get anxious when you don't text me BUT I'm letting it slide. We have been fighting a lot recently but I think we will...
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