June 25, 2016, Saturday, 2:27 am
I can hear the light drops of the rain on the pavement outside of my room. The weather seems to mirror my feelings. Tears streaming down my face and I have never felt this empty. I keep reading that letter I wrote and it still gets me deep in my heart and causes all those painful tears. Crying myself to sleep has been a daily routine of mine for the past week. Sometimes I get those quiet sobs, but often I get that painful cry that gets me screaming. Screaming through the pillow, careful not to wake anyone and not to let anyone know about the pain I am feeling. Flashbacks of the happy times we had kept on flooding in my mind. The happy times that got me smiling for months suddenly became the cause of my grief. Those happy kisses, passionate make outs and...
Broken Hearts
5 months ago you first dm'd me on Instagram. At first I didn't think much of it. It was the typical "hey what's up what's your number", the same message I had received from countless guys. As we started texting, I still wasn't expecting that much. I was waiting for the day you ghosted me and I never heard from you again. However, that day never came.
Our first date what not at all what I expected. From the moment I got into your truck, I could feel the connection we had. Not once was there a moment of silence broken up by nervous laughter and a "so um what's up?" Our first date was nothing but stories and laughter. I will never forget laying in the bed of your truck during the break between the two movies, just talking and laughing, and the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at...
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“Russian Roulette"
How did I manage to avoid this situation so many times previously? I left a trail of female hearts devastated, mangled, un-salvage-able in my wake. Not caring enough to turn back and assess the damage or help them climb out of the sad state I put them in. Did I just not care about them as much as I did you? Was it a familiarity thing? After all, we were together six years. Felt like 10 at the time we were dating. Now, it feels like we dated a few months that are as far away as my childhood. I can get glimpses, but never the full scene now. I wrote this to say, “I’m sorry”, to fully express how I felt/feel because I was so poor at it during our unceremonious, and at times, gut-wrenching, break-up.
But; there was definitely something different about you. I still can...
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Hi
I was going to write "dad", but it just don't feel right. How could it do?
When I told you I didn't want to see you anymore, I was 100% you would have make everything you could to talk to me face to face.
You didn't.
I thought you would have come back.
You didn't.
I passed so many days thinking about how could you preferred a woman you had known for months over your daughter.
My conclusions were many, and the thing they had in common was just one: you didn't care about me, at all.
Then I came to the second question, why didn't you care?
The answer came simply, straight to my heart. I wasn't enough for you, I wasn't worth of your love.
That thought taunted me for months, maybe even years, and there were moments when I even believed it was true.
How many times did I send...
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How have you been? I hope you're doing well. Me? I'm doing okay, I guess. I haven't been wasting my time on someone for the past two months, which is how long you wasted my time.
We only met on tinder, but I knew who you were. A second year that I used to see around the university campus with his friends. Your best friend is the lad who works in Waitrose right? Casual "Hi, how are you?"'s started our conversations off in mid march. April passed by, talking to each other everyday while we we're both back at home for spring break. Constantly back and forth, flowing with no problems. Some nights, the conversation would change and take a new level. I didn't mind, I trusted you.
This routine of ours kept going as we arrived back to our university town after three weeks. Nearly two...
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I don't know how I feel about you.
It hurts how it doesn't hurt anymore to talk about you...actually it does kinda hurt, I guess. But I'm okay with talking about you now, I don't feel like I'm going to break down soon or something.
I don't like you anymore. I don't love you anymore. You're probably relieved, since I nagged you for so long. I'm sorry about that, okay? Just know that it's been long since I've already realized that it wasn't you that I wanted back; it was the idea of you that I had, the perfect fantasy I created around your name and your face. The one I'd adored for a year. It's been a little more than exactly a year since I saw you for the last time.
Hey, just -- I don't know.
For some things you said to me, I'm really mad at you.
When I said I'm sorry, I wasn't...
2,866
I never really fully understood you and I wish I did, but you didnt let me most of the time.
I wish you would have asked me about my day more often, and i wish you would have known details as small as why i like tea more than coffee.
A part of me always made excuses for your lack of effort and presence for me physically and emotionally.
I always told myself that maybe you're tired, maybe I've been too clingy these days, maybe you just need some space, maybe you've had a long day and you don't feel like knowing the small, stupid details that make me who I am.
I've always wished you would have trusted me a little more or that you didn't allow the doubtful voice in your head to get between us every now and then.
You told me you loved me quite often, but I felt it quite rarely.
We...
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Dear You,
I know this will never end up in your hands (even though part of me wishes it would), but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think you deserve an explanation. Well, that’s how I’m justifying this as productive and not wallowing. Either way, I need to talk this out, and you're the one who should probably hear this.
Up until 8th grade, I did not speak to guys. Ever. Clammy hands, hyperventilating, trembling; just being around boys froze me. I was beyond normal shyness. That year, a close friend recruited a guy friend of hers to try to speak with me as a sort of immersion-therapy type deal. As soon as he said hello, I held my breath, turned around, and walked away.
In high school, I went through two years of despising every inch of myself. Sophomore year, I...
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To the wife of the man that killed my father,
This is such a touchy subject, I rarely speak of that day when my life forever changed. You see that day was like any other lazy Sunday morning. I stayed up late that night before tending to my then one year old son, watching movies and enjoying life.Then everything changed with just one phone call. A call from my aunt at 9 am, her voice was shaking and I could barley make out what she was saying. I heard "accident" and the words "hospital" and then "dead".
I don't remember getting dressed or even leaving the house to go to the hospital. I only remember my loving fiance driving so erratically I thought we would get pulled over.I also remember thinking maybe if we did get pulled over that the officer would escort us to the hospital...
2,591
I was having problems with my boyfriend so I stopped talking to him. I told him that I need space. And after two months he came to me. Tears were rolling out of his eyes when he handed me a letter he wrote to me the night before he came to see me. I was heartbroken to see him the way he was. It was early in the morning on a week day. He didn’t even go to work.
The reason I asked for space was because we had a big fight. And after that fight he left me. And that’s where my first ex-boyfriend comes in. He was my first boyfriend 4 years ago. Well he was always there since I broke up with him. In those 4 years he never once went away. He always asked if I’m doing okay and if I’m happy. He is a good guy and would ask me if I need anything. He was there to make sure I’m happy.
He knew...
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