Dear future husband,
I can't wait to meet you. I really, really can't. You see I am in a state of unshakable confusion and sadness at this moment... a way of being I have learnt to accept as normal. And I guess I just want to break away from it and come running to you, whoever you may be.
My ex broke my heart a few months ago... he broke it twice actually. Once when he left me for his wife again and more recently when he left her for someone else. I can't stop thinking about him. The way he walks, that smile he gives when he tilts his head to the side, his laugh, the knack he had acquired of making me feel safe in those gorgeous arms and the way he would make me crazy for him.
He was my first love you see... and that's always intense isn't it. It's not so much that he's the first to love you but he's also the first to leave you. Leave you crying on the bathroom floor wailing for a life you don't know how to survive without.
So after months of not speaking at work and awkward glances across the office, we are on talking terms again. But here's the catch.... with us its never just talking terms... you see there's such a passion and a fire when we're together that we can never be just friends...
We slept together last night... in his bed... after ripping our clothes off and re discovering each other's thirsty bodies after months of starvation... his girlfriend lives abroad and so I took advantage. I wanted to feel him inside me again. I had waited for this moment for months on end and I enjoyed every second... I felt as though i had successfully made him be unfaithful to her... disloyal even. I wanted to make what they have null and void.
So you see... I'm in a pickle. A state of disarray... I need you to come into my life a little sooner than you were planning please... because I don't like this person I'm becoming.. if you come and scoop me up and take me away to our happy ever after I don't have to cry myself to sleep and I won't need to look for fulfilment with a man I shouldn't be going anywhere near. If you come and make me realise this is all wrong and I can have something great and amazing with someone who really does love me and cares about me. I am deeply lonely and sad... I need you now please. I need you sooner rather than later. Because ive tried to rescue myself and it just didn't work... I need you to come a little sooner therefore...
Yours in anticipation
Your future wife.
