An Open Letter to Katie Breckenridge.
Dearest Katie,
I sure understand where you are coming from. Coming out of the gay lifestyle in 2009 has given me a very unique perspective. Fifteen years committed to the gay lifestyle held moments of these same feelings of anger and resentment. At that time the church represented an out of touch, out dated, and underwhelmed group of people for the things of love. How can two monogamous people dedicating their whole lives to one another be so wrong? I believed that this would be the mother of all arguments, an indisputable evidence that would topple the strength of the church, declaring the homosexual community victorious in its fight for equality. But “Where was my love?”
I was twenty-three years old when I tried to blend the love...
Broken Hearts
It's taken me this long to just say it out loud, you broke me Bear, I am broken because of you. Six months into our marriage you started cheating on me, I just turned a blind eye, because I didn't know how to fix what was happening. At twenty two years into our marriage I still didn't know how to twist myself into the hot pretzel you wanted, and kept looking on line for behind my back. The cheating never stopped, all the while I just kept blaming myself for not being good enough, thin enough, passionate enough in bed. The harder I tried the more emails, and really vile pictures showed up on your computer. And you never even tried to hide them from me, and then you would say you had no idea where they came from. We both knew I wasn't stupid, what we knew for sure was that I was just...
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Dear Mom and Dad,
I am sorry for all the times that you told me I am beautiful because I looked just like you, and I told myself that I am fat and ugly. I am sorry for all the times you wanted to go out and have a treat with me, but I would decline, because I was afraid of calories. I am sorry for all the times you begged me, in tears, to tell you if I had a problem, yet I still declined. I am sorry for all the times I snapped at you, told you I wasn't hungry, and was mad that you offered me a snack. I am sorry for all the attitude I gave you when you asked, "Are you hungry? Did you eat breakfast?"
I am sorry that you slowly watched your daughter turn from a healthy, happy, girl, to a small, fragile, nervous one. I am sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong, the blame...
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I’m almost positive you’ll never actually read this. But I need to write it anyway. For myself and my own well-being.
I've written this over and over and I'm sure even still I'll leave so much out.
Trust is a hard thing to grasp, especially in my case. So I guess that makes you something special, cause I put every ounce of my trust into you. At one point. We weren't the average “freshman fling”. We changed each other. Made each other better, in a way. We had something that, at the time, was unbreakable, incredible, unforgettable...
There's so much I need to tell you, though I fear I'll leave more out than I'll include. First of all. I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving up time with your friends to be with me 24/7, even though I never asked for it. Thank you for showing...
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Hey... its me...again...
Just wanted to see how you were doing and wish you only happiness, because after all I only ever wanted the best for you... and still do.
Even after you dirtied my name...
Even after you hurt me..
And even after you broke my heart...
Our story is much like all the other high school sweetheart's. You made me the happiest girl on the planet, pretended that you cared for me, then proceeded to break me and ignore me when I was no longer a convenience to you. This is all fine, it happens, I understand, but true pain was when you started spreading lies and rumours about me...
You truly were the first guy I had feelings for ( I hesitate to say love because I know that was not it) and to me you were a big deal. But I wasn't a big deal to you, now was I? I...
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I knew when I first met you, there was something special...
Something I had never seen inside another human being before.
You had a way of making me feel like a bright candle in the darkest of rooms.
Everything was different with you.
You weren't just someone I could spend every waking minute talking to, or someone I could be comfortable with.
You became family.
I was young, but I knew I wanted to spend my entire life with you.
You spent countless hours making me happy after a long night of me worrying about my future,...
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Seeing the best in people is a choice. It’s amazing to look at people and appreciate their kindness, hope for their goodness.
To look at the world with a view of appreciation and love, rather than with pessimism and caution.
Some will call you naïve, some will take advantage of your kindness, and some will use it to their benefit.
But you must never forget, that it is not that you are not intelligent enough or wise enough to see things for as they are, but rather brave enough to hope, brave enough to have faith.
It is a choice- a choice to live every day hoping that people will surprise you- believing in them.
I know it will hurt at times, when people let you down, but you must never lose that. In a world of so much hatred, you must remain optimistic. If you start...
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Thank you so, so, so, so much. Thank you for everything.
I always wondered how long it would take for my heart to stop hurting. I even accepted the fact that it may never. I even pictured myself marrying another man, yet still guarding a sliver of my heart just in case you ever came back for me.
And then one day I woke the hell up. I decided I wasn't going to hurt anymore. I cut you off and never looked back. What a liberating moment that was.
I started living. I stopped stalking your social media pages. I started looking in the eyes of other guys who smiled at me. I stopped making excuses for you and the ways you hurt me. I converted my sadness into motivation and started kicking ass at the things that make me happy.
I used to think you were what I needed in order to be...
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Hi, it's me again. I know we just talked (texted), but there are a few things I didn't tell you.
First: No. I'm not alright. Sorry for lying to you, but I didn't see a benefit to making you feel bad too. But thinking for the whole week that I had something to look forward to on Saturday was great, and now I've got another half a week to go with nothing. Did you know the last time I cried I was six years old? No, wait. Seventeen years old.
Second: I value our friendship too. Probably more than you think, since I'm not all that popular; I can't just turn to another group of friends like you can. When I heard that you wanted me to ask you on a date, I thought that friendship could be a foundation for something really great, something fun for both of us. But you were probably right...
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i don’t know where it came from, all this love i have for you.
it was never my plan to fall in love with you, but you know what? it happened, and that's the truth.
you want to know how i know i loved you?
i'll tell you.
someone who truly loves you, sees you at your worst, sees all your imperfections, sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle, but STILL wants you.
and that, that is how i know i loved you wholeheartedly, cos i witnessed all those things and i loved you still, i even began to love your imperfections as much as i loved you.
and i can tell you with certainty - you will never find anyone that loved you as much as i did.
i can promise you that.
so in the end, ill come out of this stronger and all the more wiser,...
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