An Open Letter to Katie Breckenridge.
Dearest Katie,
I sure understand where you are coming from. Coming out of the gay lifestyle in 2009 has given me a very unique perspective. Fifteen years committed to the gay lifestyle held moments of these same feelings of anger and resentment. At that time the church represented an out of touch, out dated, and underwhelmed group of people for the things of love. How can two monogamous people dedicating their whole lives to one another be so wrong? I believed that this would be the mother of all arguments, an indisputable evidence that would topple the strength of the church, declaring the homosexual community victorious in its fight for equality. But “Where was my love?”
I was twenty-three years old when I tried to blend the love of God into my then homosexual relationship. Mr. C, that’s what I will call him, he was wonderful and funny. We hit it off immediately and life was so exciting. I was finally comfortable in a relationship and loved him very much, but I wanted my first love Jesus to be by our side. So, in a solitary place one afternoon I began to pray asking God to bless my relationship inviting His provision, but I truly never found peace. Instead, I found myself on a roller coaster of emotional insecurities not at all sure that the two could come together. Mr. C said he couldn’t compete with God and eventually the relationship ended.
Today, I understand why I had never found peace in that request. All of those years of Sunday school and hearing the preacher preach I had never heard God’s voice by His word, His Children, His Son, or by His Spirit saying that it would be okay. What I mean is that God my Father has affirmed me either a eunuch or heterosexual. His profound love through His son Jesus has never affirmed me as a homosexual. A Father’s acceptance is especially important. This is one of the reasons that the homosexual community fights so hard. It needs affirmation! Because first the claim is that it feels natural to be attracted to the same sex, secondly what could be so wrong with this, and thirdly homosexual relationships demonstrate commitment and love. But one unchangeable fact remains. Nor God, Nor Jesus, Nor His Spirit, Nor His Children can give this affirmation the homosexual community demands. To this you have judged the Children of God, but understand that it cannot be found to be given unto you.
“Where is your love?” God spoke this question into my spirit sometime in 2009 at the end of my homosexual life. I was diagnosed with two disorders directly tied to my sexual behavior. I ruined my health and I was the cause of it, my life hung in the balance. I called upon the name of Jesus asking simply for Him to take care of me. I hung up every opinion and attitude and surrendered at His feet. Interesting what will happens to a man who becomes still and quite before the Creator of the Universe. He begins to listen, hear, and discover the heart of God. All of those years identified homosexual, I was never in the Word of God to just listen getting to know my Father and His heart over this issue of homosexuality. I would sometimes scourer the pages of scripture for loop holes and justifiers to ensure my lifestyle was top notch, and I would appreciate hearing supportive words encouraging my pursuit for lifelong love. It sounds as if you too are searching for love and acceptance.
This question sticks to me permanently. “Where is your love?”
Generally, I understood what God was saying. In this life I have walked the edge. Tasting all that is wrong and finding justification in God’s love. I used to think that I could do anything I wanted and in the end God would have to save me because after all, what good father would cast me aside without mercy. But where was my love for God? Of course my love was in everything it shouldn’t have been. But what does God really mean?
2009 was the year of commitments. I would lay down the alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and everything associated with homosexuality wait on God and accept the result. I am free from every addiction today, but what amazes me is how one word can change an entire perspective that once caused me to march amongst those in G-strings and speedos. Suitable/Fit! It had to have been three years into this now eight year journey. I was reading the Genesis account of creation and fell into the word suitable. Genesis 2:18-24 is a portion of scripture I have fallen in love with. It shows the height, depth, length, and width of God’s love. Adam and God tended to each other’s heart absorbing its benefits. “it is not good for man to be alone.” I imagine the love and confidence Adam had for his Father when He heard these words. Hanging onto every word Adam with patience waited for this promise to be fulfilled, and while Adam waited he worked alongside his Father when he was asked to name all that had been created. How awesome! When it was all said and done for Adam was found a help meet, a perfect helper created by God so that His son would not be alone. Adam trusted and saw that she was perfect. “Finally she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”
I love God and believe, trust, and consider what He has said. This is “Where my love is today.”
Your letter is full of statements about love, but may I ask “Where is your love?”
I was once very much like you angry at the church when I would read signs at gay pride parades. “God hates fags.” The joke of the day would have been “God does not hate a bundle of sticks, but I could see him hating a pack of smokes.” I still smoked them even though. One thing that I wish the church would have mentioned is grace and what in this world that means. I wish instead of their insults they would have told me about Galatians 2:20, and how that could affect my life here and into eternity.
Christian’s are defined as a person being in Christ Jesus and He in them. His salvation is a removing of sin and its nature, and an installation of righteousness and its nature. What naturally comes from this salvation are works according to this Divine Nature. When Paul says “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” This means Katie that our sinful nature has been crucified no longer having dominion over us. The life that we now live is through faith, trusting that what has been done unto us not only will be sufficient when Jesus returns, but changes us completely from what we once were into the very nature that Jesus exemplifies. When a person compares activities, behaviors, and attitudes against this New Divine Nature it becomes then natural in the life of a believer to act according to what Jesus give example of. We are slaves to righteousness and we establish God’s law…There is so much to understand especially the power in this Divine Nature.
The truth of grace has set me free from a homosexual identity. Living is living by this faith as Paul demonstrates. “The life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God.” By living this way our Divine Nature is dominated by a new law. The law of the Spirit of Life. This life emulates that of Jesus. We are raised from death to life. Being a Christian is being changed by this Love of God. This love that has come to the children of men. “And so were some of you.”
Love,
Chris Rose
Christ Rose Ministries
