I don't even know where to begin, we've basically been through it all together. You were my best friend, you meant the world to me. But, of course. I had a boyfriend and you had a girlfriend, whom we're both still with today.
I'd do anything for you and you knew it. The same to you as with me. We talked for hours on end, you introduced me to all your friends and we would stay up late in a group chat sending photo shopped pictures of ourselves on dragons. You had a huge ass traffic light you somehow had and your friend had a traffic cone. You guys would hide them in your closets and say it was a forbidden love because she was illegal.
You loved to make me happy, you saved my life multiple times and hated to see me sad.
...but the sad thing is, I never met you in those 3...
Love Letters
This is what you don't understand.
Maybe it's because I've never told you, maybe it's because you just don't know. Maybe, as smart as you are, you've never noticed how my entire face radiates with sunshine when I am with you. My heart starts glowing. My eyes start twinkling. When I look at you, I'm looking at my entire world.
Frequently, you say things like "I just want someone who cares about me as much as I care about them." I can't explain how offensive that is to me. It feels like a slap across the face. No one loves you as much as I love you. You could search for a thousand years and you wouldn't find a girl who cares about you, loves you and cherishes you more than I do.
Of course, that probably makes you think of Her. So, in that regard, I am sorry to break this to you...
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In my 24 years of life I have been in love. Many different times in fact. I have been in such deep love that I didn't even know I was in love until years later. I have been in dramatic love, where I am so overwhelmed with feelings of satisfaction that nothing else matters. I have been in a confusion of love, where I can't fully understand why I am loving, I just am. I have been in masked love, love that I wish had been real, but couldn't possibly have been.
Finally, I am in unconditional love. I have been ripped apart, and sewn back together in so many ways. But a love that has no limits is nothing I ever imagined it would be. The love that I'm afraid to leave because if I did, it would be the end. The love that has struck me down and lifted me up enough times for me to know that it's...
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Dear Busy Boyfriend,
Let me start by appreciating you, for all your hardworking and determined self. Your efforts towards your work and simultaneously towards our relationship have been tremendous. I understand your dedication towards your work and also the stress that it comes with, however, I am a left in an ambiguous state of mind. To be honest I am not sure whether o fight for your attention or to let you work even when I know your work would win all your attention.
I do crave for your attention, but I don’t want your work to be affected because of that. But it does hurt to be sidetracked as your second love. I know you are working hard towards your future (probably ours). If you keep working such long hours perhaps we could lose the build-up of our love-story.
Whenever I call...
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An open letter to a broken girl...
The truth is when I first met you I was worried about falling in love with you. The way you are frightened by something you don’t fully understand, so powerful yet so mysterious. I was drawn in by your past, not afraid of it. I loved you because of your scars, inside and out, not despite them. I fell for you too quick to act on my fear, too quick to pull away, too quick to find a girl without a past, without anxiety, a girl who was whole. But you didn’t give me time. You didn’t give me a second to breathe. I drowned in you, like an ocean I could not see the bottom or the horizon, and it was beautiful. You pulled me in without any effort, and my worry quickly turned into surprise. How could a girl so broken love me so wholly? How could someone who has...
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If you aren't the one for me
If you aren't the one for me, I hope you find the girl who loves you more than I could. I loved you so much it destroyed me. You poisoned me. You poisoned my opinion of any guy that isn't you.
If you aren't the one for me, I hope you find the girl who supports your biggest dreams. We wanted the same things. I swear, it's like a piece of my heart was carved out just for you to fill. And you did. Perfectly.
If you aren't for me, I hope you find the girl who looks into your eyes and sees something you never knew was there. I hope you know how high of a platform I put you on. In my eyes, you were flawless. You still are. Even when you left me, I couldn't see you as anything other than perfect.
If you aren't for me, I hope you find the girl who makes...
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I never expected things to end up like this. If you read this you'll probably be thinking something like "How couldn't you see this coming, it was your fault." And you're right, undeniably it was my fault.
I let my inside struggle get between us. I allowed myself to convince me that maybe you didn't care as much as you did, that maybe you didn't love me like I loved you. I was wrong, obviously, and I had thought things were done there. Maybe it would have been easier on me if it had been. But we both started coming around. We both wanted so badly to hold onto that connection. I still do.
You'll know what I'm saying when I reference that day. And that day is what ultimately brought everything crashing down around me. Once again I was weaker than my mental illness. I was selfish...
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You,
Thinking about those wasted years makes me wanna cry. I can still remember the times that that you would stay with me in school, because I still have some things to finish. That night that you bought a bread for me, because I haven't taken up my dinner yet. Yes, I can still remember, I still can feel those times. I can still feel the pain. You don't know how I regret the stupid decisions that I made. I wish I could still turn back the time. Can you still remember the gift I gave you? You even told me that I'm the first person to do it. Those exact words made me so happy. I love the idea of you and I. That was 5 years ago... Wow! Time flies too fast. I like you that time and I'm actually ready. How I regret that I said "no" when you asked if you could court me. That was the right...
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You are the love of my life, the one person I trust implicitly, the man who always has my back. You are strong, courageous and you love deeply. Not a day goes by that we are together and you show your affection in countless small ways, like sweeping a strand of my hair behind my ear, touching my cheek, my arm, swatting and grabbing my ass, cupping my face in your hands and staring deeply into my eyes before you kiss me. I have never met a man like you, so relaxed and so sure of himself. You don’t sweat the small stuff and when I freak, you take me into your arms and hold me tight because you know, that’s all it takes to reassure me.
I’ve fought my own battles for so long, I did not get support from my family, from a former partner, I never had the feeling with anyone that they stood by...
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Mr B
I don't know that I'll ever be able to stay away from you. I don't believe I'll ever be strong enough to walk away and stay away. The attraction is too strong, the desire to be near you, to look into those eyes and to get lost in them.
Truth is I pray most days for two things. Your happiness and mine. I always ask that things work out for you and you are happy in your marriage and that I find my soulmate and learn to love all over again. Problem is, I keep bumping into you. Over and over again and again. I had a thought last night that maybe my prayers actually are being answered? Perhaps it always was you and more to the point, always will be you.
I imagine a life twenty years from now... Married, settled, children etc. But still sneaking off in the unspoken moments to...
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