An Open Letter to My Forever-Almost-Lover

Subject: An Open Letter to My Forever-Almost-Lover
Date: 3 Nov 2016

Thinking about those wasted years makes me wanna cry. I can still remember the times that that you would stay with me in school, because I still have some things to finish. That night that you bought a bread for me, because I haven't taken up my dinner yet. Yes, I can still remember, I still can feel those times. I can still feel the pain. You don't know how I regret the stupid decisions that I made. I wish I could still turn back the time. Can you still remember the gift I gave you? You even told me that I'm the first person to do it. Those exact words made me so happy. I love the idea of you and I. That was 5 years ago... Wow! Time flies too fast. I like you that time and I'm actually ready. How I regret that I said "no" when you asked if you could court me. That was the right thing to do that time. I can still remember that I used to write your messages to me because I don't want to lose it. I can still remember the spark and the joy that you brought. But then, you broke my heart when I heard that you and your ex were back. Then I also entered a relationship with your friend, just to cover up my loneliness. I was broken by you and the worst part is that you never knew. You graduated and it seems like everything's a blur after that. We still hang out though. We were disconnected. You had your own life, I had mine. If only I knew that after 3 years our roads would still cross again. I'm single and so you are. We're having the time of our lives. You have your dream job now, and I am just starting to figure things out. I never knew that we would be like this. We became the best of friends. We talk everyday, we hang out a lot. You would even drive me home from the office. We would do things on our own, discovering food places where we can hang out. And the most special thing about it? We have God now. He's our common denominator. I am in pain knowing that I am too scared to lose what we have right now. I can't risk it all. I love you. I hope I have the courage to say that. I know all your flaws and you know all my cause. We made a promise to be open, no secrets aloud. That is how best friends should be, but can you blame me if I can't tell you my feeling? It was you all along... Yes, I had a relationship but you will never know how I wish it was you. I am in pain cause I never thought that we would be best friends. I'll always treasure that. I love you enough to let you go and let you find your happiness. I know it means that I will never be a part of it, but I think that is how the things should go. I just would like you to know how thankful I am to God, He has given us this chance to be together. To have this bond, this connection that nobody could ever replace. It means so much to me. You mean so much to me. So go. I love you that's why I am letting you find your road to happiness. May be, just may be I could also find mine. It hurts cause I know that there will never be "you and me" even how hard I pray. God knows. Only God knows. Thank you for letting me feel this way. You inspire me to be better, you always push me out of my comfort zones. Thank you for the laughter. You've always been there, even if I never knew. You are such a good friend and no one could ever replace that. This thing that we have right now will always be special for me. If time comes that we will go to our own separate ways again, just don't look back. I never want you to see me dying. Of all the people you are the one who knew about my separation anxieties. So just go. I'll be just fine still, like I always do. Life is meant to be traveled forward. Do know that whatever road you'll take I am the first person to cheer you up. It kills me though. The fact that I will never be a part of that happiness. I'm dying a little bit more everyday. If you only knew. I love you. May be one day, i can gain the courage to say that. I know you never feel the same cause for you, I am you best friend. Sometimes, I would like to ask God; why you? I know someday, I'll have the answers. From then, I will be just hanging like this. It's killing me. But I have no choice but to be your best friend. You will always be my -...