An Open Letter to the Boy Who Doesn't Understand

Subject: An Open Letter to the Boy Who Doesn't Understand
From: Your Lover
Date: 16 Nov 2016

This is what you don't understand.

Maybe it's because I've never told you, maybe it's because you just don't know. Maybe, as smart as you are, you've never noticed how my entire face radiates with sunshine when I am with you. My heart starts glowing. My eyes start twinkling. When I look at you, I'm looking at my entire world.

Frequently, you say things like "I just want someone who cares about me as much as I care about them." I can't explain how offensive that is to me. It feels like a slap across the face. No one loves you as much as I love you. You could search for a thousand years and you wouldn't find a girl who cares about you, loves you and cherishes you more than I do.

Of course, that probably makes you think of Her. So, in that regard, I am sorry to break this to you. If she loved you like I love you, she wouldn't have left. She wouldn't have made you feel guilty about following your dream. She sure as hell wouldn't be doing what she is right now. She'd be by your side. She'd be wrapped up in your arms, the place I would give my entire life to be, just once.

Maybe, you don't love me like you loved Her. Maybe that is the problem. Even if I gave you 300% of myself, day in and day out, I still wouldn't make you happy. That thought sickens me. I love you so much it physically hurts me to see you upset. It hurts me to think of you having bad days. It hurts me to see pictures of you with sad eyes. It hurts me to think of you struggling. It hurts me that she hurt you. Needless to say, I love you. I love you more than I love myself. I love you in a crazy, unconditional, "if you jump, I jump", Jack and Rose way.

I love you so much it makes me want to scream. Every other guy I've dated has brushed off of me like makeup after a long night. I have finally realized that those guys were just distractions. Those guys were months of me struggling to hide my love for you. I was trying to mask it. I was trying to pretend it wasn't there by getting involved with someone else. I've been single for almost a year, and it is so relaxing to not have to pretend anymore.

There has to be a reason your name is inscribed on my heart. I have to believe God has kept you there for a purpose.

If you were here to break my heart, you succeeded long ago. If you were here to flip my world upside down, you did. You still do. You do it with one single glance, one hug, one laugh, one dangerously sexy smirk. If you are here to make me question every futuristic plan I've ever made for myself, you do.

If you are here to sweep me off of my feet, please, let's get it over with. Throw me over your shoulder, carry me away and kiss me like we're dying. If you are here to love me until the world ends, let's get the show on the road. Let's skip past the drama and stop fighting against our old spark. Because I started loving you more than all of the words in this letter when I was 13 years old.