Family

To my Birth Parents: Hi. I have no idea how to address you properly. You are just strangers to me after all, just some people I've only ever heard about in stories. This letter started out in resentment, anger, frustration, but then I took a look at my life and I realized I can't be angry at you because you gave me away, and for that I thank you. This letter is for you, my family, and for me as well. I'm writing this letter now out of thanks and maybe hoping one day you will understand why I never want to meet you. I hope you understand. Almost 20 years ago you changed my entire life. You gave me away, and I'm hoping, on that day that you knew you were giving me away to the most caring and strong people. That day not only changed my life but many others. I got the future I knew I...
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"Mom", Giving birth makes a woman a mother. But it doesn't mean she is a real mother. What did you do when I was born? Were you happy? Did you care? Why didn't you show me love? I don't remember you saying "I love you". I don't remember you ever being proud of me. I don't even remember hugs. But I guess when you're treated like dirt and emotionally neglected for over half your life, you tend to forget anything good that ever happened. Why didn't you leave? You've used the excuse of being afraid he would take us or you said that you stayed because of us. So...you stayed so we could be abused even more? Sorry. That makes no sense at all. Why weren't you there for me? Yes, you were physically in my life but you weren't THERE for me. Remember when I won that award in high...
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Since the day I read LysaTerKeurst's blog post publicly posting her pain, anguish, humiliation and grief due to the circumstances surrounding her separation from her husband, my heart has literally hurt for her. She could be anyone of us, including those women that are asking her to step down from her position of President of Proverbs 31 Ministries. I am not a leader in the Christian world. But I am a follower of Christ. And I am a woman. I am a wife and mother. And I have walked her pain. I wish I could take her into my living room, offer her a blanket, a cup of hot tea and just my presence so she knows that she isn't alone. There are many of us betrayed spouses out there. It is an unfathomable pain that no one can ever know unless you have been there. Statistics show...
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YOU MISSED OUT There was a time when I thought that love ruled all. It was a time when I believed in promises and the people who made them. Words held as much value as action. I had dreams and you were a part of those dreams. I dreamt of a family and a husband who loved me as much as I loved him. I was going to get married, have children and be the best wife and mother I could be. So, when I met you and you promised all of those things, I believed you. We got married. You kicked butt at your career. And I followed you around the world, raising our sweet, smart, head-strong little boy. It’s been almost 10 years since I sat across from my friend, in a German cafe, talking about our failing marriage. That day, I came to the terrifying, yet liberating realization that you...
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It's been three years now. Three years of recovering from a brutal divorce and custody battle. A battle I did not win. A battle I sometimes feel I lost not only for me, but my children. Once a week I gather up my kids and prepare them to leave me for 3 to 4 days. When it first began I always felt like I was dressing them and preparing us for some horrible event we wouldn't come back from. I would almost always cry after they left and I would sit in their rooms and stare at their stuff as if I had lost them forever. Sometimes I still do. When they leave on bad behavior it's even harder. I have guilt that rides in my stomach until they come home. A guilt that makes me question my mothering the entire time they are away from me. Then there is the question. The dreaded question I have grown...
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Father's day always stirs up some unwanted thoughts and feelings. So this year, I wanted to write it all out. So here goes nothing. An open letter to you. 25 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago. My mom welcomed me into this world. Where were you? 25 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago was one of the happiest days of my moms life. Where were you? 25 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago I was being loved and smothered in kisses and hugs by my uncles and grandpa. Where were you? 25 year, 5 months, and 2 days later...and you still aren't here. And never have been. Where are you? You arent my dad, you aren't my father, you aren't my anything. You are you. You are a sperm donor, and nothing more. You being absent made my life better, so thank you for that as contradictory as it my...
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Father's day always stirs up some unwanted thoughts and feelings. So this year, I wanted to write it all out. So here goes nothing. An open letter to you. 25 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago. My mom welcomed me into this world. Where were you? 25 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago was one of the happiest days of my moms life. Where were you? 25 years, 5 months, and 2 days ago I was being loved and smothered in kisses and hugs by my uncles and grandpa. Where were you? 25 year, 5 months, and 2 days later...and you still aren't here. And never have been. Where are you? You arent my dad, you aren't my father, you aren't my anything. You are you. You are a sperm donor, and nothing more. You being absent made my life better, so thank you for that as contradictory as it my...
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Hello, the entire Asian parents who treat me as I am your child. I got good news for you. Good news is I found out that I am not your child. I did not come out through your vagina. There is no worries or concern for you for me getting more piercing and tattoo. It is OKAY. I know you guys can be worry for me and care about my body that my parents gave me, but that is not only thing you guys are worrying. Isn’t it? Just me piercing my ears and bleaching me hair should not influence your child at any point. Unless your kid was jealous of me, still that is not my fault. Please do not stop me from expressing myself through my own way. Please do not judge me for where I’m going for fun with my own money. Thinking karaoke is the place where the bad kids are going is one of the most out...
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Hi. You probably don't know who I am, why would you?
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Dearest Sister, I have so many things I've needed and wanted to say to you since we've parted. For starters, nothing has been the same without you. My heart aches then I see something beautiful, because I wish you were beside me to experience it too. It scares me that I'm making new memories without you, because up to this point in my life you have been a essential part in every beautiful memory I have. I'm slowly healing enough to the point where I want to experience new things, and go new places. But I want to do these things for you, and I hope by some miracle that you will be able to see it too. Emma, please do not think I don't value the memories we have made together, I just wish you were here to make new beautiful memories. I also want to thank you for being the best...
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