I made a decision to end my struggle through life tonight. Living in a world that I can't possibly change as a person who is clearly not designed to survive it has become the unfathomable bane of my existence. As the mess that is my pain and my life continues to bleed into the lives of those I love the most, cauterizing myself from you all seems like the only thing to do, if I truly love you all. This way, you can move on and allow yourselves to heal from the disruption I have caused. Sometimes we need to use a thorn to remove a thorn. I know it will hurt for a bit, but soon the immediate pain will fade and be replaced by the things that really matter and deserve your love and attention.
To Gabe. Know that I will love you forever and always be looking out for you. I'm sorry I broke my...
Family
An open letter to my great-grandparents:
Dear Abuelita and Abuelito,
It has been 5 or 6 years that I last have seen you. I mean you guys aren’t dead but still you moved back to Mexico a long time ago and I miss you. I miss the way that you would come over and let yourself in and wait for us to get home. I miss the way you would tell me stories about my grandma and your life stories and endeavours. I miss the way we would go shopping together just for my Abuelito to shop for new mugs and for new bags and you would just get the same pink or purple long skirt with a new hair broach every time. I guess, I just miss you.
I appreciate those little moments that seemed so meaningless yet stuck with me for the rest of my life. When we would cook together and I learned how to make molé...
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Dear dad,
That sounded funny. I never really got the chance to call you that.
I don’t remember much. In fact, I don’t actually remember anything. Only what my mother chose to tell me. I’m sure if I asked to hear more she would tell me. I don’t really feel the need to know. I’m truly glad that I don’t remember.
I’m willing to bet that you don’t remember much either. At least, I hope you don’t.
What I do remember of you is everything I don’t remember. You were never there.
I don’t remember you teaching me how to:
tie my shoes
ride my bike
defend myself
catch a fish
drive a car
change a tire
cut up firewood
I can’t recall any of these things because you were never there to teach them to me.
Maybe if I was older when your addiction struck you would have taught me...
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Dear Mom and Dad,
You two have provided me many things in life and I can only thanks you for such wonderful gifts, yet as I grew up around many different people my understanding of right and wrong became warped. As parents it should be your duty to introduce me to the wonders of life without hesitation and be there for your child. Whether it comes to explaining how I shouldn't be picky since you couldn't eat as children; saying how in your day you never had the privilege of going to school I would be raised humbly and accordingly to your expectations. As time passes however, those expectations have gone to unusual heights.
As I aged and became more capable of grasping my own ideals I see certain impurities within your logic that I once thought was unchangeable. You once...
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have you ever thought why our girls grow up so quickly?
where is their childhood? nowdays it seems they are all in rush to grow up , to copy you as their mum or an older sister , cousin ... favourite singer , actress or a
"in girl" at school ...
what happened to you mums? when have you stopped being mum and start being a friend!?
... that little girl you have birth to is looking up to you , copying you ... do you think you are a good example?
do you drink and smoke? and yet will drop that line to them when they are older :
not to do exactly what they have been watching you do their whole life up tp that point ...
do you leave them with the strangers who baby sit for you ... strangers who bring ip your kids ... influencing them ... what dors that say about you amd how...
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If you're reading this we finally moved. I say finally not because I didn't like this house, because truth is I loved it. I say finally because we outgrew it. I hope you love it here as much as I did for these past 18 years. It's a bittersweet moment knowing I won't be able to walk to my favorite hiding spot ( that isn't really a hiding spot because everyone knows where I'd go) or I wont be able to look around and think about all the mischief my brothers and I got into around there.
As you may realize this house isn't perfect but it's pretty dang close. I can remember thinking I never wanted to move because our house seemed like heaven compared to my cousins who lived in town, and now that I look back on it...
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A father is a man in relation to his natural child or children, according to the dictionary. To me, that’s all you are. You are something who created me with my mother and nothing else. You are not a friend, an idol, hero, anything but the man who created me. Maybe when I was a kid, you were this strong man I looked up to but not anymore. Kid me loved you, cherished every little moment we had together, thought you were the greatest man alive. That’s why I hate the child I used to be. I didn’t see you for the man you are. I don’t know why it took me so long to see the selfish, unpleasant, shameless man I have to call my dad. You are nothing but a small, arrogant, piece of shit man who would rather do anything for himself than make his kids happy. The four kids you abandoned emotionally for...
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Dear Kristin,
I keep hearing that phone call from (her) mom over and over in my head. "She's gone" was all I heard, through her moms cries. I remember falling over in my chair and screaming at 6:15AM. I didn't care if I woke the kids up. I didn't care about anything. All I could think is this has to be a nightmare. It cant be true.
We grew up together. We did everything and talked about everything together. I was with you when your water broke at Wal-Mart before you had your daughter. You even offered me at 16 to come watch her be born but, I was scared to be in there. Now all I have are these wonderful memories of you, to live with.
Losing a best friend that's more like a sister is like no other death. My grandparents and father have passed away but they did not effect me the...
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This is to you, the ignorant one; the gullible one; the one who lives in a constant state of perpetual denial about his other woman; the one who really thinks that she finally got him to change after almost 30 years of marriage and countless affairs...YES YOU!
It's time for you to wake up sister. Time for you to realize just how foolish you really are.
What on earth would make you think that this time around is any different? Because he says the right things? Because he's making more of an "effort"? Those little occasional weekend daytrips?
Because he plies you with little surprises and trinkets? Those little text messages that he had stopped sending you, but now he does again?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but guess what. The only thing that has changed is this. He...
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Dear Dad,
There are some things you need to know. These are some things I have wanted to tell you my entire life I have wanted to tell you these, but I have not had the guts to say. First, you are my idol. Secondly, I have always wanted to just stay up at night and talk to you about life. I have always wanted to go on a walk with you and just talk. I have always wanted to get the biggest hug from you. I have wanted to talk to you until we started to cry. I have always wanted to hug you until I cry. Most of the time when I talk to you while I am at school I feel like crying. I might seem like I have my shit together over the phone, but the second we hang up I am absolutely devastated and just start to cry like a little baby. Also, you should know that most of the time during the day I...
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