To The Mother of my Partner’s Children

Subject: To The Mother of my Partner’s Children
From: His new wife
Date: 23 Jul 2018

I want you to know that I am not going to replace you or attempt to try.
That isn’t my job. That isn’t what I want. I am not the mother of these children but I will be helping raise them via their father.
I would rather be a friend or an auntie to them. They are sweet, smart, beautiful children and I understand your fears as a mother as I am one myself.
The last thing I want is to overstep any boundaries, but I want you to know that I will love them, and be there for them, to tuck them into bed and for them to have someone to turn to. I will treat them as if they are my own and love them just as much.
But you need to understand we are now a blended family and you are part of that too and while we don’t need to be friends or even get along, we need to be civil for the children.
It is a big transition for us all, not just the children.
I can only hope this all goes smoothly, but there will be times when we won’t agree on things, or we will have conflicts and situations we won’t want to discuss but will need to.
Their father is a wonderful man who wants nothing but the best for his children and I am thankful for the life I get to share with him and the children.
I have my own insecurities and I am sure you do too.
Not just about the children and how they are looked after, maybe you’re worried my husband won’t look after his children as well now that he has a new family or maybe you are worried the children will feel replaced because of their new step siblings living with us and your children only visiting on weekends and holidays.
I wouldn’t allow that to happen. He loves all the children, the ones you have together, the ones I have brought in from a previous relationship and the ones we have together.
No one will be replaced.
Maybe you’re also worried about our different styles of parenting, or what they are learning when they come to stay with us or how they are being looked after and those are ordinary fears and concerns and I can assure you that you will have absolutely nothing to worry about.
But I understand anything and everything you are feeling.
Your jealousy, your concerns and fears, your doubts and your anxiety.
But everything will be okay.