Broken Hearts

I used to think that I was fat Because thats what you always told me They told me I was alright But that was never quite enough for you You needed me to be more than I was More than I wanted to be And I could never say no Because I didn't want to cause your annoyance So I started to diet I started to starve Because I wanted to be perfect for you You told me I was inferior to you And I believed you Because to me, you were perfect You were always right How could I have been so stupid? They told me I was beautiful inside You told me I was a dumb slut Dull Boring Ugly There was nothing I could do but believe you Why? You wanted it all from me And every time I couldnt give you what you want You'd be filled with annoyance at me All over again Fine...
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I don't hate you, but I should. You play the victim, the poor disabled man, the one who was wronged for no reason, oh so very well. You place blame and take no responsibility . I know some where deep in that scary head of yours, you know the truth. You know you and only you are the reason I left you. When I think back, our entire 10 years was a lie. You lied to me from the start, hid what you were doing and you never stopped. I told you the day you walked away from me, phone in hand to talk to your then wife, the one you lied to me about, not to hide things from me and we would never have a problem. Why couldn't you just do what I ask? I feel like I am not goid enough for the truth. I know now your longing for love, your ego, your need to never be alone caused it all. Not that I have...
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I'm glad you're back together with her. Really, I am. That's what you've always wanted, right? To get back to your complicate affair and try to waste another 3 years of your life trying to get her to leave her husband for you. Oh sweetie, you poor thing. I think you were so used to being miserable that when I showed you what it feels like to be happy, you think it's a joke. You're so used to be given only a tiny fraction of her time and attention because she's too busy biking or going to the gym or hanging out with friends or just enjoying her much preferred life that when I gave you mine 24/7, it's too much. You're used to always reminding her why she should choose you and leave her husband for you that when you were my only choice, you think there wasn't any challenge. You craved...
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Dear Axel, My dear, sweet nephew. In 16 days you will be two months old, and I will not have held you a single time. This isn't due to distance or time, it is due to the hate of an individual close to you. Your father hasn't held you more than 20 minutes, and that was on the day you were born. Your grandparents have only seen you for a few hours, and that was also on the day you were born. I never realized how much not being able to see someone could hurt, but now my soul is screaming for you and for my brother. I trusted that individual, and I defended them. Up until a few days before you were born, I defended that person and tried to understand their feelings. They did not deserve my trust. They have broken my soul into a million pieces by keeping you from half of...
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You must’ve not known this but if you did then you weren’t smart. A smart guy let’s a woman know what is and what isn’t. You should've known I was falling for you not worried about the distance. What you didn’t know is I was willing to open my heart to you. You see I would’ve gone to see you. Two years since I last saw you and if I would've known you then I would've used that time before you left to get to know you. I just wanted to be able to put a face to our messages and that voice. But you're not smart you don't know and now you never will.
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I was born in a big bustling Indian city. A country that has more than 650 million women but is still patriarchal in its core, where sons are preferred over daughters, where having a girl is still considered a burden and where women are forced to pay dowry to get married. As an Indian girl growing up in an educated middle class family with liberal parents sheltered me from the deep issue of gender inequality that still exists in the Indian society. My parents raised me and my sister as they would have raised their sons. We were educated and taught the importance of being self dependent. Our parents helped us chart a course in our life to become confident and professionally successful women. However, we were not made to feel that we did something different or accomplished more or less...
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When you found me I was broken. My world was a mess and I no longer cared if I lived or died. I lived my life with a reckless abandon, disregarding the consequences, if I didn't make it to see tomorrow it would have been fine. The night that I met you was like every other night that I spent out, waiting for trouble, hoping that this would be the last night. We started talking and I felt something change in myself, for the first time in a long time I was excited, excited to see your name pop up on my phone, butterflies fluttering through my entire body at the thought of you stopping by on your way home from work. Laying with you was like walking on clouds, your touch like raindrops on my bare skin. At the time our relationship was purely physical, and it was. Perfect. As the weeks...
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I've seen and heard people say that chances are, you've probably met your soulmate before the age of 21. We're not quite there yet, we have some time still. But I already know. I haven't known from the beginning. But after five long years of loving you, and feeling at home only when I'm talking to you, I know. I've tried to give my heart away, only to find that there's nothing left of it you give. We don't talk much anymore. But you have no idea how much brighter my world is when we do talk, you have no clue how I'll replay our conversation in my head for weeks, every time you laughed at my dumb jokes, everything you said to make me laugh in return. In my heart of hearts, I know you are my soulmate. It is not something I know how to put into words. There's something that just...
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To you, I wish this had never happened. I didn’t know I would fall in deep when I walked into that classroom. I didn’t know you, and sometimes I wish I never had. We met because a mutual friend told you I worked hard and was someone you could count on when doing class projects. When you came and sat down next to me on the first day, you shook my hand, introduced yourself, and placed your incredibly oversized cup of coffee on the table. Over a year later, I know that’s because you literally can’t live without it and that it’s something that’s now rubbed off on me. I remember my first impression of you being, ‘wow this kid has hair blonder than mine’, but that quickly changed to realize you were confident, driven, very sure of yourself, and so, so kind. We worked together in the same...
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There's so much I wish I could say to you. I'll start with, we were never meant to be. I'll also consider that night a lesson I needed to learn. At the time and the days after, the lesson wasn't clear to me. However, time has passed and it all makes sense. You were a test that I failed. But, you also taught me that I deserve better than to settle for shit. You found me at my lowest, took advantage of that, and then ridiculed me for caring. I am honestly so thankful that you were such an asshole when I needed you most. Because, it was in that time I found the strength I've always had, but forgot I had it. This memo is not intended to bash you or make you feel like less of a person. Instead, it's to show you that I am stronger than your words and the way you made me feel. It's to show you,...
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