I refuse to begin this letter with pseudo pleasantries that would make my words more palatable for you. It's been approximately 5,333 days since you walked out the door never to be seen again. It sounds like a movie where the villain gets a reprieve instead of being forced to participate in a final duel with the hero (which would surely result in his demise). It's funny how my 18-year-old brain processed trauma in that brief moment. It was almost as if I stepped out of myself and watched the exchange taking place from a corner of the hallway. There I stood, an insecure girl with the complexion of coffee, displaying a smile that could warm your body on a cold winter day. Opposite you stood, a young man I was intrigued by, inspired by, and once held by. To me, I felt like every moment we...
Broken Hearts
Confesso que às vezes nem eu sei porque eu fico abalado por algumas coisas, e só percebo depois de ter sido babaca. A verdade é que de vez em quando eu sinto que você vai me decepcionar e por isso me afasto um pouco...
Você tem sido incrivelmente importante pra mim desde que a gente começou a conversar, a cada manhã que eu acordo eu me sinto mais apaixonado por você e todos os dias parece que acabamos de começar a namorar. Você é maravilhosa.
Meu humor tem variado um pouco nos últimos dias, mas eu encontro meu ponto de paz no seu abraço e seu beijo é o refúgio mais seguro que eu já senti. Você é o ar que eu respiro, é a luz da lua que ilumina a noite, é a pessoa que eu desejo afogar de amor e o tesouro mais valioso que eu já tive.
Te amo
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I try so hard to act like I'm okay.
I try so hard it just drains me; I've no energy, I barely want to eat, and all I want to do is sleep.
But then someone looks at me and expects me to be okay and I have to put my "happy" mode on again.
I just want to brake down and cry. I just want all these feelings out of me.
But by the time I finally get a moment alone to fade out it's like the feeling have already been so repressed they just won't come out. So I just lay there...wishing I could just fall asleep so I can wake up renewed but my mind won't turn off; not thinking but not quiet either.
It's weird always being someone who people see as happy and easy-going when inside all I feel is a deep sadness that I wish someone would see; to just hold me and tell me it'll be ok. I just don't...
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All I wanted was to live a life honoring and pleasing to God. I worked hard on bettering myself despite my obstacles, and I spent my life helping other people and being there for other people. Yet people are so easily swayed by claims that are so ridiculous and outrageous about me that go against everything I believe in, they turn their backs on me. They forget about the times I’ve been there for them. The times I prayed for them, the times I tried to give them godly counsel, the times I stayed up with them at night when they were in a crisis, the times I drew them artwork to encourage them. They forget about things I have publicly said that I believe that contradict what these claims about me say. Instead they call me delusional and a pathological liar. They know nothing of my story...
654
Even though I hold you tight in my arms at night. Why do I feel something is missing inside of me? Can I ever get back that whole feeling that got broken? The days run on end. I can't sleep. Just thinking of another getting your affection. The secret conversation that happened. The provocative pictures that where sent. The affection I would just die for from you. I AM RIGHT HERE! am I not enough anymore? Why can't I be the one you want to have secret conversations with? Why can't I be the one you desire and lust for? Did I become to fat? Lazy? Neglectful? I feel so inadequate. I try and try not to think about it but can't stop my mind sometimes. I want you to love me like that. How do I get that? Is it even possible? Can you even love me like that after all these years? Or is that a...
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I miss the old times.
I miss getting to know you and the excitement and joy that came from it. I miss the small quirky things you did the few times we would catch up. My favorite moment with you is when we first really started talking and we got food after an outing at a park. We went through the drive through and I was going to pay but you said “your money’s no good here.” It’s not even that big of a deal but it’s the way you said it and the air about it that made it stick in my mind. I miss the way we talked and the light teasing back and forth. I still look back at the times you would try to tickle me and the way our hands held onto each other alittle longer than they should when I tried to push you away to “stop”. I miss you. Now, we still talk but it’s not the same. There’s no...
1,428
You may have broken my heart but I still love you with all the pieces. Once my heart heals only the scars will remain to remind me that I never want to feel this pain again. My heart still aches as it heals because I never stopped loving you. The love I have for you is still unconditional but also guarded in anticipation of another heartbreak. I hate feeling like this. You are my soulmate. Maybe that's why this hurts so much? You make me so happy but now I am so scared and confused and why is it I want you now more then I ever had in the past? Is it because I know I lost you and don't want it to happen again? Is it because I am scared to face this life without you?as soon as I leave for work my heart starts missing you. I have so much emotions inside me right now I don't know if I want to...
1,803
Hey A,
I wish one day you knew how much it destroyed me when you left. I was never ready for you to leave. I never want to miss you, miss your smile, your eyes, your voice, your laugh and your existence. Because I wanted you forever to be in my arms. I could spend long hours looking at you and your smile. Do you even realize how amazing you were to me? I never regret you for once, because at one point, you were exactly what I needed. You spent your day and night with me. At some point you showed me your love and your care towards me. You used to call me beautiful. But how could you be so ugly towards me at the end of our relationship. You said you misses me every day. But why you’re the reason for us to be apart. You claim to love me forever, but why do I always feel like you hate me....
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**TRIGGER WARNING**
The following writings will touch on topics such as death, rape, assault, abuse, suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders.
I Was Groomed
I was 12 years old when I received my first dick pic. I had never seen such a thing, I didn’t know what I was looking at. I was alone in my room, on my HP laptop, which was riddled with viruses from downloading different cursors, such as the flying hot dog I was currently using to scroll through explicit messages. Like any 12 year old, I had dreams, I had hopes, and I had special interests. I was always ashamed to say that I loved My Little Pony, especially after what I saw the fanbase become, but I had found a home online, with friends who didn’t judge me, and people I could talk to when things at home were too hard...
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I let it happen.
I ultimately don't understand myself and I think that's why I let a lot of things that happen(ed) in my life happen. I don't understand why I am the way I am. I let myself get walked over. I'd like to blame it on thinking I just have too big of a heart and always search for the good in people but I know that's just an excuse. In reality I just don't stand by the boundaries I set to help myself. I see the problem but I do nothing to fix it or stop it.
I'm trapped in a relationship I know is no good for me and will only hinder my future. ---I fell for an alcoholic who has no dreams or ambitions to do anything differently with his life--- There is literally nothing about this relationship I see pushing me towards the life I want. I see the repeating cycle and I want...
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