Broken Hearts

You don’t know me, or even know of me. But I know of you, and I know quite a bit about you. When I say I know a lot about you what I mean is this- I’ve been in your home, eaten your food, rode in your vehicles, met your children, and gotten very close to your husband. Yeah, that’s quite an opening statement, I can only speculate what is going through your head right now but I can imagine that it is some combination of pain, anger and furry, possibly full on outrage. Since it’s clear I know who you are, I’m guessing you want to who I am? Well, I’m the reason your husband started taking so many selfies. I’m the reason he comes home extra sweaty after being at the “gym” late at night. The reason he hasn’t minded that it’s been months since you have had sex with him. And I’m the reason...
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“The people, in general, cannot bear very much reality. They prefer fantasy to a truthful recreation of their experiences.” - A conversation with James Baldwin “Most people can’t see themselves. The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone else’s face that you caused and having to deal with yourself. Most people don’t want to do that. You don’t want to look inside yourself, and so you walk away.” - Shawn Carter It is true, that the general majority of people function (if it may be called that), in striking, deliberate ignorance of reality. This is to be expected. It perseveres as no great secret that the unsolicited circumstances we find ourselves born into are the same conditions that inescapably shape who we are. From our conception we are a troubled people. However, it is the...
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I used to think that I was fat Because thats what you always told me They told me I was alright But that was never quite enough for you You needed me to be more than I was More than I wanted to be And I could never say no Because I didn't want to cause your annoyance So I started to diet I started to starve Because I wanted to be perfect for you You told me I was inferior to you And I believed you Because to me, you were perfect You were always right How could I have been so stupid? They told me I was beautiful inside You told me I was a dumb slut Dull Boring Ugly There was nothing I could do but believe you Why? You wanted it all from me And every time I couldnt give you what you want You'd be filled with annoyance at me All over again Fine...
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I don't hate you, but I should. You play the victim, the poor disabled man, the one who was wronged for no reason, oh so very well. You place blame and take no responsibility . I know some where deep in that scary head of yours, you know the truth. You know you and only you are the reason I left you. When I think back, our entire 10 years was a lie. You lied to me from the start, hid what you were doing and you never stopped. I told you the day you walked away from me, phone in hand to talk to your then wife, the one you lied to me about, not to hide things from me and we would never have a problem. Why couldn't you just do what I ask? I feel like I am not goid enough for the truth. I know now your longing for love, your ego, your need to never be alone caused it all. Not that I have...
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I'm glad you're back together with her. Really, I am. That's what you've always wanted, right? To get back to your complicate affair and try to waste another 3 years of your life trying to get her to leave her husband for you. Oh sweetie, you poor thing. I think you were so used to being miserable that when I showed you what it feels like to be happy, you think it's a joke. You're so used to be given only a tiny fraction of her time and attention because she's too busy biking or going to the gym or hanging out with friends or just enjoying her much preferred life that when I gave you mine 24/7, it's too much. You're used to always reminding her why she should choose you and leave her husband for you that when you were my only choice, you think there wasn't any challenge. You craved...
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Dear Axel, My dear, sweet nephew. In 16 days you will be two months old, and I will not have held you a single time. This isn't due to distance or time, it is due to the hate of an individual close to you. Your father hasn't held you more than 20 minutes, and that was on the day you were born. Your grandparents have only seen you for a few hours, and that was also on the day you were born. I never realized how much not being able to see someone could hurt, but now my soul is screaming for you and for my brother. I trusted that individual, and I defended them. Up until a few days before you were born, I defended that person and tried to understand their feelings. They did not deserve my trust. They have broken my soul into a million pieces by keeping you from half of...
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You must’ve not known this but if you did then you weren’t smart. A smart guy let’s a woman know what is and what isn’t. You should've known I was falling for you not worried about the distance. What you didn’t know is I was willing to open my heart to you. You see I would’ve gone to see you. Two years since I last saw you and if I would've known you then I would've used that time before you left to get to know you. I just wanted to be able to put a face to our messages and that voice. But you're not smart you don't know and now you never will.
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I was born in a big bustling Indian city. A country that has more than 650 million women but is still patriarchal in its core, where sons are preferred over daughters, where having a girl is still considered a burden and where women are forced to pay dowry to get married. As an Indian girl growing up in an educated middle class family with liberal parents sheltered me from the deep issue of gender inequality that still exists in the Indian society. My parents raised me and my sister as they would have raised their sons. We were educated and taught the importance of being self dependent. Our parents helped us chart a course in our life to become confident and professionally successful women. However, we were not made to feel that we did something different or accomplished more or less...
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When you found me I was broken. My world was a mess and I no longer cared if I lived or died. I lived my life with a reckless abandon, disregarding the consequences, if I didn't make it to see tomorrow it would have been fine. The night that I met you was like every other night that I spent out, waiting for trouble, hoping that this would be the last night. We started talking and I felt something change in myself, for the first time in a long time I was excited, excited to see your name pop up on my phone, butterflies fluttering through my entire body at the thought of you stopping by on your way home from work. Laying with you was like walking on clouds, your touch like raindrops on my bare skin. At the time our relationship was purely physical, and it was. Perfect. As the weeks...
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I've seen and heard people say that chances are, you've probably met your soulmate before the age of 21. We're not quite there yet, we have some time still. But I already know. I haven't known from the beginning. But after five long years of loving you, and feeling at home only when I'm talking to you, I know. I've tried to give my heart away, only to find that there's nothing left of it you give. We don't talk much anymore. But you have no idea how much brighter my world is when we do talk, you have no clue how I'll replay our conversation in my head for weeks, every time you laughed at my dumb jokes, everything you said to make me laugh in return. In my heart of hearts, I know you are my soulmate. It is not something I know how to put into words. There's something that just...
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