Who would’ve ever thought someone would be battling addiction for someone else? That’s what I was doing for you, while you were out getting high I was home praying for God not to take you yet hoping one day you would mean what you said about giving it all up for me. Little did I know you knew exactly what to say to get exactly what you wanted! Our story isn’t that long because 7 months isn’t a long time, to most anyways. But what you put me through made it feel like years. I have a love for you still to this day I can’t can make myself understand why... you manipulated me, brought me down to my lowest point when I didn’t think I could go any lower with everything else I had going on in my life. You took everything I did for you for granted. It was my fault though I could see right through...
Broken Hearts
An open letter to the boy i gave my everything to and still destroyed me
Dear boy,
In the beginning i wasn't much of the person i should have been,I had issues and addictions.I wasnt really worth your time. I put you through hell and for that i will forever be sorry. If im being honest you terrified me, no one had ever saw me the way you did, no one had ever wanted me the way you did, no one had ever made me feel the way you did.I had walls that had always kept me safe and kept me braced from the world but you... you somehow made them fall over time with you undying love for me even when i was awful.You saw me through the worst times of my life.If not for you i wouldnt be here today, you saved me.
For a while after everything happened we were so amazingly happy, we had a...
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Love,
It's been 35 days since the last time I saw you, 40 days since we ended; but still, the memories we've created are like movies replaying endlessly on my mind. Your voice plays like a song on repeat in my head. It seems like you've occupied so much space in my system and I've been trying to clear up that space for a while.
But you're like a computer virus. When I thought I already deleted everything, it turns out, nothing was really removed.
Who would have thought you would be someone I'd wish to cut off from my life? I certainly did not expect it. Until now, honestly, I'm still hoping I wouldn't have to. But I think you already started cutting me of from yours. And this is me trying really hard to face that reality.
But why is this so difficult? How am I still hurting...
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Dear Ana,
You once took over my life, my mind and my tender heart. You lead me to believe this skin of mine was not worthy enough, but what is 'worthy enough', I must ask?
Ana, you forced me to look at other girls and instead of looking at their eyes, I would have looked at their legs and their waist to see if it was skinner than mine.
Ana, you lead me to believe food was the enemy, and every bit was nothing but poison. I became obsessed over it. It's funny how that works, when your mind is telling you one thing, but your body is crying out for another. You made the feeling of my hip bones stick out further than my stomach and my arms the size of silver dollars, feel surreal. Instead you were behind my back with a knife.
Ana, you made me nothing but skin and bones...
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As a woman from as far back as I can remember, I've believed in love. The fairy-tale. I've had my heart broken. It's been lied to...
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How could you sleep peacefully at night knowing that I'm hurting?That you've wronged me and disregarded my thoughts and told me to shut up because you think I complain a lot?But you dont see yourself indirectly complaining and being upset at how you couldn't understand what I said. You don't listen to what I have to say,what my needs are and why I choose some things and make the decisions I make.What matters to you is convenience,and not give a rat's ass about what I'd like.You don't ask me.You are very selfish. You make me feel like I am inadequate and incapable and unintelligent.That Im not good enough.
why do you belittle me instead of lifting me up?why do you make me feel bad about myself?Is your resentment towards me really that bad that you can't,for the life of you,just show me a...
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Bachelor parties. A word that sends a pang of pain into the heart for many fiances and wives alike. For future brides, it's the fear of what happens. For wives, its pain from knowing what happened, or living with unanswered questions.
For me, his bachelor party was the worst night of my life. He was supposed to come see me after work. And for hours I sat calling waiting, wondering if he was okay. Was he in a wreck? Did something happen to him?
No. His "friends" had come to his work to take him out for the night.
He would cheat on me that night. Encouraged by his "friends" and even father. I'm not blaming them, but my husband has always been a push over. Peer pressure could make him walk off a bridge. And with his entire family encouraging it, he did it.
We had talked about...
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Dear JM,
My love, you are still the most amazing person in my life. You are pure and kind inside, and really gorgeous and good-looking outside. I love your perfection and flaws. I love every inch and bit of you. In fact, since the beginning of our relationship, I knew early on that you are the man I want to be with for the rest of my existence. As time passes by, my love for you has been growing deeper. My heart, body, and soul are in unison that whatever it takes, in sickness and in health, in richer or poorer, in happiness and sadness, with established career or just floating, with or without approval of parents, until we get older, until we're laid on our death bed, I will stick with you with my everlasting commitment. I will always be patient, understanding, supportive, loving,...
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Dear (Former) Best Friend
I miss you, I miss you so much, I miss hearing your voice, I miss having you in my life.
The way you left me, Is what hurts the most, you didn't say goodbye or anything... just one day my number was blocked and I had no way to contact you. I Don't know if it's my fault, if I hurt you, if I let you down but, it hurts to be without you and I would do anything to have you back in my life.
Your boyfriend told me to never talk to you again... that You were friends with me because you felt sorry for me and I don't know what to believe I mean I thought you'd at least try to talk to me if this wasn't true.
You missed a day that was so important to me and I thought it was to you too, but I guess I was wrong.
I thought I could deal with it, I was so wrong everyday I...
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My lovely kids,
I can exactly see how you would look, I know what you would be called, I know I would take you to museums, concerts, the sea and all kinds of places. Most of all: I would love you till my last breath. But still, you're not here. You'll never be here.
When I was in my twenties I wasn't thinking about kids of my own. I was busy getting myself together after ordeals that made my world shake. I knew I couldn't do that to a child to be part of that.
When I was in my thirties it took a while for me to admit that I'd love to have kids. But then there was no man in my life.
That day in September 2012 when I walked out of the gynecologist office and felt like my whole world fell apart. That day she told me that it was never going to happen: kids. That day I sat at the...
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