Dear Ana

Subject: Dear Ana
Date: 18 Apr 2018

Dear Ana,

You once took over my life, my mind and my tender heart. You lead me to believe this skin of mine was not worthy enough, but what is 'worthy enough', I must ask?

Ana, you forced me to look at other girls and instead of looking at their eyes, I would have looked at their legs and their waist to see if it was skinner than mine.

Ana, you lead me to believe food was the enemy, and every bit was nothing but poison. I became obsessed over it. It's funny how that works, when your mind is telling you one thing, but your body is crying out for another. You made the feeling of my hip bones stick out further than my stomach and my arms the size of silver dollars, feel surreal. Instead you were behind my back with a knife.

Ana, you made me nothing but skin and bones. My family, friends and even others around me started to notice, but don't worry I told them it wasn't you. I question why you told me to turn sideways when looking in the mirror instead of looking at the body that was right in front of me. Was it because I feared looking at the sadness in my eyes or was it the fear of seeing the body that you had taken over.

Ana, you made me think that he would only come to be interested in me if I was skinny enough and love the body you and I created. My eyes were fixed to see only the fat that was still lying on my body. And, when he was gone, you were there, you made me feel like I was something, like I was that girl I saw in those pictures.

Ana, you put me in fear, you were trying to kill me, weren't you? Sometimes I lost consciousness only to wake up in the arms of my terrified friends. You were destroying my heart and my mind and were killing what was left of me.

Ana, you put me in the hospital, my body was too weak, and my heart was giving up. I thought we were in this together? I thought you were going to make me happy and beautiful and if so, then why was I there?

Ana, you made my family sob when they saw you and me. They were scared of what you had done to me.

Ana, I question where the little girl I once was went? Did you scare her away and tell her, her dreams were not worthy, but only you are?

Ana, we can no longer speak, we can no longer be together. You were only killing me. I have fixed my eyes to see the greater and the hearts of people, rather than the bodies that carry them. Day by day I think of you, and how much better I am without you. If only I could have realized sooner that life is so much more precious and are bodies are nothing but temporary skeletons. I have learned that people enjoy me without you.


The girl you once broke into pieces