Who would’ve ever thought someone would be battling addiction for someone else? That’s what I was doing for you, while you were out getting high I was home praying for God not to take you yet hoping one day you would mean what you said about giving it all up for me. Little did I know you knew exactly what to say to get exactly what you wanted! Our story isn’t that long because 7 months isn’t a long time, to most anyways. But what you put me through made it feel like years. I have a love for you still to this day I can’t can make myself understand why... you manipulated me, brought me down to my lowest point when I didn’t think I could go any lower with everything else I had going on in my life. You took everything I did for you for granted. It was my fault though I could see right through you but knew the person you were when you weren’t high. You had the kindness heart of anyone I had ever met. I knew you weren’t lying when you told me you loved me. But the monster inside of you soon took over every bit of that love and turned it into hate. When you would lock yourself in my room mad, hurt and upset, I prayed for you. While you were pushing me away I was trying harder to pull you closer. While you were trying to end your life, I was battling to save you!! I hate the way you would shatter my heart into a million pieces, and go weeks with a single apology. I loved you but, I hated you all at the same time. I wanted you to feel the pain you had caused me but all I wanted was to take your pain away. Somehow you managed to float in and out of my head throughout my days at work. Is he ok? Has he eaten today? Where did he stay lastnight? Why can he not see how he’s hurting me but most importantly, his self? I’d think to myself you can’t give up on him you are all he has left. Don’t treat him like everyone else has make sure he knows you care. I didn't need you to tell me you didn’t love me anymore, I could see it in your eyes when you would look at me with complete hate. I knew I loved you to much when I would find excuses for you hurting me. You’ll miss me. You’ll miss me when you realize that I was the only person that stuck around when everyone else gave up on you. Despite everything I had to stop lying to myself that I deserved this type of relationship. When you told me you were fed up with me I fought for you ( but whispered to myself “me too”) Even if this heart break takes me years to get over I hope you find happiness you couldn’t find in me. I guess in the end all we’ll be are two strangers who know way too many secrets about each other. I loved you too much, I loved you to the point where I gave so much to you, I had nothing left for myself.
An Open letter to the addiction I never had but faced everyday
Subject: An Open letter to the addiction I never had but faced everyday
From: Danielle McCann
Date: 26 Jul 2018