I'm sorry for the things I'm about to say and I'm giving you a chance to ignore this so you won't have to get hurt with my words, I just want to let everything out if moving forward is what's really the best thing to do at this point.
I'm upset with a lot of things but I can't help but still see the good in you, like you're really a good person, you're loving and you know how to spoil your loved ones, you pay attention to them, you make them feel loved your own way thats why it's so hard for me to digest and accept everything that hwppened in the past 7-8 months ngl hahahaha. My brain still refuses to acknowledge the pain I went through. I really had so much trust in you. I really wish things were different for us hahahs.
I'm most upset with you for always wanting to give up and ask for a break up over minor inconveniences in the rls. It made me feel like that's just how far I'll go in your life, like no matter how many times I tell you I'm not asking for an argument, it will still be perceived like that, that broke me the most hahahsha I wish it didn't but it still affects me until the time I decided to end it myself, I want you so bad to be with me until the end but idk how I should hold on tighter on my own. It made me feel so isolated and alone whenever I see myself convincing you not to leave, we both know I didn't convince you once or 4th times but a lot of times. It hurts a lot and I know you apologize often, I know you feel bad so fast, that's why it's so hard for me to be honest about these things bc as much as it hurts me, I didn't want you to carry any guilt except that played a big part to why I decided its best for us to just end. I don't want to feel like I'm easy to give up on anymore, it hurts a lot that I was put in that position a lot of times.
Yesterday's incident really slapped me so hard too. Like not even exactly a week yet and you're all over people's dm already hahahsha. No wonder you keep pushing me to interact with people too hshshs. I get it, you're free to do that but what made things worse was all these time whenever I receive those kind of messages from you, I cry so much. It made my chest hurt bc I thought I did something that made you think I would be that shallow to be doing all those things, I poured my sincere feelings on X app and even tried to give you assurance that I won't be doing all those without knowing you're actually doing it already. If I hadn't seen that post, I actually would continue to be a clueless loser hahaha. You even type in paragraph with them while replying just a few words with me. I even asked if you're okay bc I believe there's a reason why you're responding that way to me but idk if you're really fine or you lied but it was really upsetting regardless hahshs.
My biggest question is why are you like this to me? Like what did I do so wrong for you to be this way to me? Like is my love not enough or it's just not the kind of love that you need? /genq, nm
Because no matter how much I wrap my head around this I don't think this relationship will fail if we both want it to work.
I'm still thankful for everything regardless. I just wish we didn't have to keep on hurting each other in the process of loving each other.
I'm sorry for reaching out and potentially causing emotional distress to you when you told me to not interact with you for now, but I promise this is the last time you'll hear something from me.
I'll miss you so much Rodina. Goodbye, my love.
