Help

I had a mental breakdown today this one was one of a kind, I questioned everything even my existence it was so bad, I was restless and then I started crying, I cried as if someone took my most prized possession from me the crying turned into hiccups and then this is where it gets worse.
I had suicide ideation, I need to talk to someone I've never felt this way before everything was just coming all at once it's like I've been keeping things bottled up and the bottle broke this morning, I had to get up walk round my small room lol.. to calm my self when I was a little bit better I remembered what Samuel use to tell me when you are sad watch something funny and I did next 5 mins I was laughing like nothing happened but deep down I knew something happened it was just there at the back of my mind trying to claw its way out for me to start dwelling on it again.
I think it's the loneliness plus I think I'm failing myself kind of ill get over it in a day or two I'm like a snake that sheds it's skin when I do I'm more happy, playful, mean with a grade A nasty attitude.
I'm like a mini robot with a reset button.