I never though I’d get this attached. It was one day I found myself smiling and I realised it was because of you. This is my letter to you that contains the words I’m too afraid to say. There are so many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how. You are never going to see this, hell, I doubt any body will.
You were all my heart ever talked about. My friends got so sick of me constantly talking and chattering about you. You were my favourite subject, there was so much I could talk about, your smile, your latest instagram post, what we were talking about. I never ran out of things to say about you. I talked about you like you put the stars in the sky and the melody in a song. Did you ever talk about me to your friends?
Did you know that every 11:11 wish I ever made was about you. They started off big, I wish I could marry him, I wish he could be mine and ect. But slowly they became smaller and I asked less; I wish he could like me back, I wish it was formal all over again, I wish I could kiss him again, i wish he would look at me like I was the only one in the room again, I wish he would text me.
Our conversations bring me so much hope, that its a way to remind you I’m still here and I still exist. You’re the person I find easiest to talk to you, because you seem to understand through all my delusions. You understand why I feel so self destructive and why I want to lash out. I hate the fact that if I don’t start the conversation, there won’t be one.
At formal, I remember when I first saw you. You were talking to Dante close to the dance floor. And I remember when I saw you smile, and all I could think was ‘oh shit’.
When we were sitting in a circle and I decided to glance at you since you were sitting across from me. And when I looked in your direction, I met your eyes. I still wonder what crossed your mind when your eyes met mine. You looked at me like I was the only one in the room, and the only thing that mattered.
I replay our conversation in my head all the time. ‘You know you’re really pretty right?’ ‘I can’t believe a girl like you hasn’t had a boyfriend.’ ‘Do you want to dance with me?’
It was when we were slow dancing that, through the loud music, everything went so quiet, the noise faded away and all I hear was my heart whispering “that’s the one.”
The problem with love is you can choose who you love, but so can they.
You called me pretty, no one had done that before. And your lips were so soft and gentle against mine, my first kiss was perfect. Even when I panicked afterwards and was blabbering you laughed and asked if I wanted to try again. The second one was just as perfect. You were all that was on my mind
I ran away at the end of the night, I ran from you, I knew if I said good night and I looked into your eyes one last time, I would fall helplessly. I ran to my car but you ran after me, for me. You said you’d had a good time tonight and that you wished to see me again. And that was when I fell for you. I wish I had pulled your tie and stood on my tip toes to kiss you again.
Remember when I said I used to go to a park in the middle fo the night and sit on the swings? I told the stars about you, I told them everything in this letter. Only the moon has seen me cry over you. I don’t want any to see this silly little girl cry over a boy who was never hers to begin with.
When people ask how I know I’m in love with you, I always reply with the same thing, seeing you smile is only thing I ever want to see, even if its not because of me. Your voice is my favourite song, it’s so mellow and smooth, I would play it on repeat if I could.
The reason I love so hard is because I know what its liked to be loved so little.
Every girl has one boy they never lose feelings for, and for me that was you. I shouldn’t be jealous, you aren’t even mine. I hope, with every bone in my body, that it will be us in the end. That you turn around and realise, I’m still waiting for you. Because if you ever decide to come back, I saved your space in my heart.