To my cheating husband

It has been 3 months since I found out about your infidelity and exactly 1 month that I have known that you had sex not once but even more with other women while being married with me.
I know you are feeling the pain of shame and uncertainty. I also understand that you are hoping that all this never happened.
Here is the catch, I can still believe that you have concern for me, and you see me now as your better half and your indiscretion is hurting you both emotionally and mentally as much as it hurts me.
I can also see and observe your anxiety to my discovering (bit by bit) about everything which had caused me so much pain. I understand how you are feeling, and no one wants to have a mistake thrown on their faces repeatedly (almost everyday).
So? what is this letter all about? I know that you find it weird, why am I punishing myself with this endless questioning, investigations, and analysis. I get it, I understand how frustrating it is but please do understand, YOU WERE THERE, and I was not.
I am solving a mystery puzzle that only you have the missing pieces. In one snap, you can put all of those pieces together and be able to take in the whole picture, the whole meaning and what really happened for the past four years and especially what it really means to you. And only you can tell the impact it did to your life or will it be able to stir feeling in you in the future. You have the pieces and memories. You can move to your new life with that picture you have made, either you forget or bring it with you.
But I deserve to be given the opportunity to understand what had brought our marriage down. To hope that everything can be forgotten and move on is unrealistic. You have given me jigsaw puzzle with 1000 pcs to solve however you only provided 100 pcs of it and the 900 random pieces are missing. Then you expect me to solve it without letting me to look at the whole picture.
It was like asking you is there any heart shape or flower or a lake or a car on the puzzle and you just told me, hmm, it was not important, it was nothing they are all not important.
So why do I need to know everything? How they look like, what did you talk about, how satisfied you were while on bed with her or them. This is not because of jealousy, anger nor revenge.
This is all because I love you! Like what Zyr has been telling us, Are you blind? What else is the reason why would I put myself through this. It is much easier to walk away, live a peaceful life, and consider having you in my life was a TERRIBLE mistake but I stay. And I am waiting for you to do something, take the initiative to win me back ‘coz it feels like I am slowly turning into a jigsaw puzzle piece which couldn’t fit in to any picture in your world.