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Dear Alcohol,

Thanks a lot. Last night I dreamt I was a telemarketer again. Selling...

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Dear Elephant in the Ikea-Furnished Room,

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Dear Fawn,

I am writing to you to discuss some of the events of our first personal...

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Dear Attractive Coworker,

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Dear Hollywood Movie Machine,

What happened to you?

Once, when I was a young man,...

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Dear Dr. Cohen,

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Dear Playboy poster,

I pity you, Playboy poster. How very sad to be imprisoned in that...

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Dear Sony Vaio PCG-V505DX,

I thought I was buying a compact, highly portable machine to...

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Dear Hummingbirds,

Hey, would you take it easy already? What’s the freakin’ rush,...

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Dear Jeepers Creepers II,

I see that a thin layer of dust is gathering on you. And that...

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