Growing up in an all girls school definitely has its highs and lows. You make some friends for life but you also get one of the most surreal and inconsistent environments to grow up in.
What I mean by this is that your teenage years are undoubtedly an important period in your development and they shape the person you are going to become in later life. Unfortunately for me, a lot of my school days were consumed with friends who were obsessed about their weight and even formed a 'bulimia group', whereby they'd all make themselves sick together in a bid to stay slim. At that time it seemed like a...I hesitate to say 'fun thing to do' but girls will bond over the strangest of things and you don't want to risk being left out of a friendship group.
Of course we weren't aware of the idea that this is essentially an eating disorder and what we did occasionally in the bathrooms at lunchtime was taking a lot more of a toll on some of the girls. When I look back at it now and I know the girls stories, it makes it a lot clearer that what we were doing in the bathrooms was as much an escape for them as it was a way to stay slim.
Now, a good few years later, I have another friend with bulimia and what I'm finding hardest is that she is coming to me for help but there is a guilty part of me that has not only done a similar thing before but also thinks she did look better when she was making herself sick.
I didn't actually know she had an eating disorder in the beginning and I was always jealous of the fact that she could seemingly eat and eat without it showing on her body. Only to realise that she would go to the bathroom straight after one of those big meals. Perhaps I should paint a better picture, this is a beautiful girl, the life and soul of a party, she will talk to anyone and she has a great energy about her. I always find it funny when you become friends with someone you envy (or admire) and then realise the impression they give out to the world is far from the truth.
My friend is asking me to check up on her and it is something I am more than happy to do, but in a selfish way I also worry about the effect it might have on me. I'm not the strongest of wills and as I've made myself sick before after eating too much or the guilt of a big meal, I worry I'll find it hard to motivate her to be healthy.
It isn't a responsibility I expected to have but I want to be a good friend and help her. The best way I can think to do this is to just do what any friend would do and be there for her, be extra nice and regularly check up on her (which she has asked me to do), though I think I'll find it hard to negotiate around the topic of 'have you made yourself sick recently?'
Eating disorders are always going to be hard for those who have them, along with their family and friends. It isn't something that can be easily missed and allowed to spiral. I for one know it will be a struggle to help my friend, but I am glad I have a friend who is confident to confide in me and who I can help.
