More Open Letters

AN OPEN LETTER OF THANKS TO THE GUY WITH THE SMIRKING LOOK OF DISDAIN AND SUPERIORITY WHEN I TRY TO UPSELL HIM AT MY DEAD-END RETAIL JOB

Dear Sir,

Would it be presumptuous to tell you how I really feel? Share my emotions? Lay...

2,986
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY TODDLER REGARDING HIS USE OF MY IPHONE

Dear Son/Future Apple Employee,
3,079
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE HOT CANADIAN ZUMBA TEACHER WHO PULLED ME ONSTAGE AFTER MY MOTHER DIED

Dear Hot Canadian Zumba Teacher,

You didn’t know she’d had a heart attack a thousand...

4,098
AN OPEN LETTER TO #FITGIRLS

Dear #fitgirls,

I’m worried that if I see another green smoothie on your Instagram, I...

2,919
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MANGO FLY LARVA LIVING IN MY LEFT BUTTOCK

Dear mango fly larva currently taking up residence in my left buttock,

It’s time to come...

4,727
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LADY AT THE FARMERS’ MARKET AND THE LADY AT THE APPLE STORE WHO OFFERED ME THEIR UNWANTED CONDOLENCES FOR EXPECTING A SECOND BABY BOY

Dear Ladies,

I don’t know you and you don’t me.

Yet, when you noticed the...

5,729
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LADY AT THE FARMERS’ MARKET AND THE LADY AT THE APPLE STORE WHO OFFERED ME THEIR UNWANTED CONDOLENCES FOR EXPECTING A SECOND BABY BOY

Dear Ladies,

I don’t know you and you don’t me.

Yet, when you noticed the...

6,130
AN OPEN LETTER TO TRUCKERS FROM YOUR ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY VOLUNTEER

Dear truckers,

I found your piss. Twenty-three bottles, to be exact, in the grass along...

2,960
AN OPEN LETTER TO PALEO DIET ENTHUSIASTS

Dear Paleo Diet Enthusiasts,
3,029
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE UGLY MUG I PAINTED AT PAINT A DREAM LAST WEEKEND

Dear ugly mug I painted at Paint A Dream last weekend,

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to...

2,758

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