I made a decision to end my struggle through life tonight. Living in a world that I can't possibly change as a person who is clearly not designed to survive it has become the unfathomable bane of my existence. As the mess that is my pain and my life continues to bleed into the lives of those I love the most, cauterizing myself from you all seems like the only thing to do, if I truly love you all. This way, you can move on and allow yourselves to heal from the disruption I have caused. Sometimes we need to use a thorn to remove a thorn. I know it will hurt for a bit, but soon the immediate pain will fade and be replaced by the things that really matter and deserve your love and attention.
To Gabe. Know that I will love you forever and always be looking out for you. I'm sorry I broke my promise to be with you always, but I know you will be fine and that the sweet, strong, sensitive young man that you've become will go on to do great things. You are my legacy and the best part of my life. Me needing to go is because of my own failures and shortcomings and not because of you. Please don't lose the light in your heart or the beautiful smile on your face because you're magical and the world has a lot to learn from you. Good night, sleep tight, Angels on your pillow my precious angel child.