Love Letters

Dear Mental Illness, I don’t know how to open this; I could say we met in a poetic way with a terrible childhood experience or we could say it was an ex-boyfriend or my teen pregnancy but I am not sure that is correct. I feel like you have been there all along, living inside my head. I can’t exactly explain it to anyone when they ask about my spouts of depression or anxiety, I feel like I am being an attention whore. Instead I will tell you how I feel when you decide to come along and grace me with you company. When you show up I don’t always feel sad or want to cry, sometimes I can’t feel anything. I can wake up and feel like it’s the best day of my life and then 10 o’clock rolls around and I feel like dying would be the best choice for me. When I have those days nothing happens to...
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Hey. It's been a month and, well, I'm alive and breathing, I think you are too. I miss you but I don't really know, you know. I was thinking about how much I miss you like 2 weeks ago. You unknowingly healed my scars, and honestly, I wanted to tell you what those scars were, and I wanted to heal any scars you have. I'm pretty sure you do. Your stepbrother certainly does. And then I realized, hey, we don't even know each other that much. I loved you. And you loved me. But we didn't know that much about each other. In fact, I'd showed you a lot of my heart considering the little time we had. I wish we had more time together, but I probably wouldn't have been able to survive it. I would have hurt you and hurt myself again. I'm happy that at least that didn't happen. I don't want to be...
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I saw you today. You came and surprised me at school and I couldn't have been more exhilarated and confused. I wasn't expecting you to come say "hello" for just five minutes. To steal a hug and a kiss. To take a look at me and I couldn't help but be taken in by how the blue of your eyes were accentuated by the shirt you were wearing. My heart was pounding as I came closer to you. I felt a smile breaking onto my face and it took all of my will to not jump right into your arms. You reached in for a kiss and a tight hug. I felt compelled to reach out and touch your face and the few days growth that was on your face. The growth that you know I appreciate and had commented on months ago. Months before we decided to be where we are now. I don't know where we're going but I think I...
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I know things went wrong years ago for you. You admitted you were at fault. Since then, you don't really get serious and I know why but you'll never admit it to me. I get you, too. I see more into you than you think. Like when you got just a little jealous the other day and for no good reason. You tried to play it off. You do that a lot. You try to act casual sometimes. As if something doesn't really bother you or matters. I don't know what to make of you saying that you no longer believe in romance. I don't know what to think and wonder if I should just cut and run now before I get in too deep with my own feelings and invest where I shouldn't. Where it would just be wasted. I don't know if this is you just trying to act like that because you don't want me to get scared...
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We met before my break-up. I was already troubled in the relationship and knew deep down it was time for me to end it. I didn't really notice you at first. Well, I didn't feel an attraction, at least. I thought you were cute and when you had to introduce yourself to the class, I felt myself perk up when you mentioned working with animals and being in the military and fire department. All things which I found intriguing but I never gave it a second thought because I was faithful to a guy who was not the same. Things were ended between me and the ex and we began to talk more. We were, after all, spending five days a week together, for four hours a day, in class. You were graduating before I was but we still would talk in passing. Outside or in class or whisper jokes to each...
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It's been 6 days since you came over and broke up with me. 6 days since I lost my best friend. 6 days of grieving over someone who I thought would always be mine. 6 days of wondering what I did wrong. 6 days of wondering how much of the last 2 years were real. When you're in love you really never see how life is without your significant other. You always have someone just a call away. You have someone wondering if you're okay or if you've made it home safe. When something good happens there is always that one person who pops into your head that you immediately want to tell. And when something bad happens there is that one person who you immediately want to hold you. But all of that comes crashing down one day and you're just left to wondering, what happened? Two years ago we met at a...
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Not gonna lie, I'm a lot to deal with. I have my days, quite a few of them actually: I'm confident for one moment and insecure the next; I try my best to keep the happy and bubbly personality going, but on the inside I'm a stewing pot; I'm angry and sad and afraid. I'm not saying that I'm not as great as I may seem, but I'm definitely not perfect either, however, you probably already know that. I’ve told you my past, but you don’t even know the half of it. Today, I’m completing the story. When my father was sick at home, I was the one taking care of him. I spent night and day at my father's feet. Every waking moment I spent waiting for him to ask me to complete another one of his tasks. I loved these moments. Helping was what I liked to do. Every little duty proved my allegiance to my...
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There was nothing extraordinary during the first time that I saw you. You were then a usual person whom I bumped into while I was living my usual life. However, fate brought me closer to you. We started talking, getting little chats...little things, just like that. I didn't know that was then and there I started falling for someone that will never look at me the same way; someone who will never know how I really feel; someone who will not even think of loving me. After countless times of denials, I have come to the realization that I like you, and sometimes I had thoughts of telling you. But I was too afraid and hesitant because I know for sure that we don't stand a chance. I believe that men are exclusively for women, and never have I challenged my ideologies and principles in life,...
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I fucking hate you. You left me for another man. Sure, I was arrogant, selfish and frustrating most of the time, changing from career to career with no pattern or warning, however, were you any different? You don't agree to get married with no dissertation, child. Ha! I'm actually considering you a child for once. Child! Ha! I hate you so much but the truth is I actually miss you a fuck ton. All those times we went out for food, or a burger or something random. How dare you, Rachel. How fucking dare you leave me the way you did. Do you have any idea the kind of damage you did to me? Leaving me for Kevin the way you did? You don't cheat on your fiance, you cheat on your HUSBAND. That was down right dirty and wrong and you fucking know it, however, both you and I know that I don't have to...
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Water Bear, You asked "is your chest okay?" when I told you via text that it hurt. I didn't answer because I was scared to. I wanted to answer more than anything else, but I am afraid of being honest with you. I am afraid to tell you how I really feel. I want to though. I imagine if you stay where you are, and I stay were I am, we can be as honest as we want to...and god, we want to be honest don't we? But I am scared I'll scare you off. If I'd had the courage to answer your question I would have told you this: It aches. Even my bones ache as if they were being bruised from the inside. If you were to stand near me and gently place your right hand on the left side of my rib cage and softly cup the underside of my small breast and press in, you'd feel my heart beating rapidly...
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